I'm terribly confused about my sexuality. I've never been a typical girly-girl though I know that's not much to go by. When I was about 16 I experienced my first female-to-female kiss (french) and it was amazing! A short time following the kiss I had my first girlfriend. Though nothing sexual happened between us, I felt complete somehow. But things didn't work out for us and I haven't dated any women since. Only men. I somehow feel a bigger attraction for men than women, yet I often find myself fantasizing about women, and often catch myself staring at women in a "different" way. I've dreamed about being with a woman (sexually) and it was quite hot. There is a young woman whom I've befriended now, and who I've grown quite fond of. I've flirted with her quite a few times already through text messages and the feeling seems mutual, yet other times I get mixed signals. I've tried to forget about her romantically and just be friends with her, but everytime we hang out together those feelings resurface and I feel so stupid. I wanted to tell her about the time I had a lesbian experience, and the time I had a girlfriend but when I actually wanted to speak, my mouth literally got dry and there were just no words coming out. Fortunately she didn't notice that I was trying to tell her something because I must've been looking like a fool. Somehow when I'm around her, I feel like I should act more masculine. It's weird. Almost as though I want to prove to her that I'm a "gentleman" and that I can protect her and make her feel good about herself. Though I've sort of figured it out already, I'm terribly confused about my sexuality. I don't know if I'm bisexual or just bi-curious. I haven't had any sexual experiences with a woman before but I'm sure when the time comes I would love to try it. The main problem for me though is my family. They are quite conservative and since we are very close (uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.) things like this won't stay quiet for long. So coming out will be a nightmare if it ever came to that :help:
Well for the moment whilst you are questioning I would try not to think too much about coming out, it can be an incredibly scary thing to do, but thinking about it won't help you figure yourself out. Whether or not you are bisexual, bi-curious, straight or gay thinking about all of the negatives that are associated with each one won't help, if you find you are bisexual and you fall in love with a girl, then eventually you would probably have to come out, but you would worry about that nearer the time, and I know it doesn't seem like there is anyway possible now but if the time comes you will know when it is and you will be ready. As for your friend, I would air on the side of caution about her returning your flirty texts, I mean I'm not saying there is no chance of course there is, but lots of straight girls can be quite flirty with female friends without meaning much by it. Perhaps rather than trying to tell her initially about your girl-girl experience you could bring up some kind of LGBT topic, that way you can show your support, but also keep your cards a little closer to your chest just so that you can gauge her initial reactions, then if her reactions are positive you can perhaps pluck up the courage to tell her, or if she does share similar feelings she might tell you about any experiences she might have had. As for working out what you are, if you want a label then for the moment bi-courious is good enough I would say, just play things by ear, see who takes your fancy and where things lead you and then if you need to change it to bisexual later then you can. I am sure everyone you talk to here will tell you to try and not worry about labelling yourself, although we appreciate this is easier said than done.
try and not worry about labelling yourself, although we appreciate this is easier said than done.[/QUOTE] This. But really it's the best advice. And really it is way easier said than done. I think bi-curious is basically bisexual to a low degree, so either way I would say you probably aren't straight, but then again you could be. I'm not very good with this because I'm still questioning myself but one thing that has helped me is to "wear your gay coat" for a day is how someone told it to me I think. Essentially try going a few days as if you were lesbian, than try living a few days as if you were bi. You really don't have to do anything different, actually you probably shouldn't, but just that mindset can help a lot. You might find that one feels a lot more natural and relaxed to you, or that you suddenly feel comfortable in your own skin. It kind of depends on where you are in questioning but I think that's the most helpful way to think about it.
I'm not planning on coming out anytime soon. Not until I've figured things out for myself anyway. Might turn out that this is just a very, very long phase I'm going through - can a phase last a couple of years?:lol: As for labelling: I'm really weird in that regard. I want to know what/who I am (i.e. label myself) yet I want to be unique. It's hard to explain really. I think what makes this whole thing harder is the fact that I've been single for a long time (2 years!) and it's getting pretty lonely. So now I'm starting to read way too much into everything that happens... Thanks for the tip on erring on the side of caution with the flirty texts and also about spilling the beans completely. I'll be sure to first test the water by starting a LGBT conversation to see how she reacts to it, and then take it from there That's an interesting way to look at it :icon_wink I've actually tried this a few times but it's hard to do since I have to be discreet around my parents (still stay with them). I dress more masculine and just act more masculine and it actually feels more comfortable than dressing up. Not a good indication though but I'm just a lot more comfortable wearing my jeans and a t-shirt with a slogan or something on than I am in some fancy girly top. Though some days I like to wear something a bit more feminine but I don't do the whole make-up thing. Anyway, I'll figure it out eventually. And when I do I'll know when the time is right to swing that closet door wide open and wear my rainbow with pride
I wouldnt worry about being single, sure sometimes it doesnt help but you will get there eventually. I didnt figure out my sexuality till I was 26 and it wasnt till then that I had my first relationship so it will all work out in the end.
