Not gay enough?

I'm the same way, the only thing gay about me is the fact that I like guys. But truthfully I don't think it is a big deal, most people don't fit the stereotypes anyway, so it is just that no one thinks they are gay, but they still are. It's weird, we are one of the only communities of people that can't be identified unless we act in a certain stereotypical way, I don't see why anyone would not like you because you don't act that way

 

As long as you don't mind potentially having to tell people a little more explicitly that you're gay (because you aren't "obvious"), it's almost a good thing. You might get to avoid some of the discrimination that comes along with being a stereotypical gay. Apparently there's a large portion of the community of gays/bis that are adamantly not attracted to feminine guys, so there's points in your favour. Additionally, by being a gay and not fitting the stereotype, you help to break down some socially-built barriers, which is always a good thing.

Honestly, and nothing against feminine guys, a lot of people would argue you're a lot luckier being a masculine gay.

 

Hey, I beat you by half a foot and 50ish lbs. I am huge and intimidating to many. I "buzz" my hair too (although it's been a while actually) and so I probably look like a gay man's dark alley nightmare. And all I want in life at this moment is to find some tranquillity in holding a cute guy in my arms. Don't think that because you are not stereotypically gay you don't belong.

---------- Post added 24th May 2012 at 05:38 PM ----------

This. Although I am only out to a small number of people, I've already gotten quite a few comments on the lines of "but you look normal and everything, you are not gay at all". Well, in Croatian "you are not gay" more or less means "you don't look gay", because "gay" is an adjective and "faggot" the noun. Anyway. These people now already realize that being gay is a far more normal thing than they thought.

 

I'm growing more and more accepting of the daunting fact that I'm almost certainly trans, yet people can't even believe it when I tell them I'm attracted to men. =/

 

I understand why you would feel that way. But you are just a little crazy haha. If you were at a gay club or bar or anything gay oriented, you'd probably get hit on a lot! A lot of gay men say they want "men." Tall, built, masculine, sporty, handyman, etc. And you can always wear the wrist bands or things like that to help other guys recognize you as gay.

 

Not all gay men read as effeminate. The only "not gay enough" is straight.

 

The only thing men can have gay about them is liking men. Everything else associated with the stereotype are personality traits which do not really describe what it means to be gay in general. If anyone judges you and claims otherwise, they are wrong and you should feel free to tell them that.

 

This seems a little silly actually, but I don't mean it rudely. I think most guys who are afraid to come out are afraid because they don't want to be associated with being "gay" in the way that gay are stereotypically viewed, but we all know that not every gay guy is a flaming peacock. You're a masculine guy and most people like that, so you should be happy. And in any way, you should be proud of who you are regardless. Being gay doesn't have to have a huge label attached to it if you don't want there to be. Don't worry about not being "gay enough", it would actually be kinda weird if you thrive to be so gay your penis turns inside out. Be yourself and that's all that you need to be concerned with and that's all that people will respond to.

 

people tell me I'm the straightest gay guy they know. Most people don't even believe me when I tell them i'm gay.

There is no certain way to act just because you enjoy man-gina. Be you.

 

It's scary to think you don't fit into the LGBT community. Stereotypes can be limiting and they aren't always true. I don't think it's crazy to be fearful of that. I get not feeling included in the LGBT community.

The good news is, the only requirement you have to meet to be a gay man is that you are a man who likes men. (Not that there are requirements in the first place.) Your sexuality doesn't change if you have a different haircut, body shape, or personality. You'll still be gay whether you like lifting 100 pound weights or if you prefer dancing. Or if you have broad shoulders or a smaller build. It doesn't make you any less gay. There are straight men who hate being outside but they're still 100% straight. Gay men who fit "gay stereotypes" are still men, it's just that society puts a stigma on certain attributes.

You're good just the way you are and don't change for anyone else. Just be you. If any gay or straight people aren't okay with who you are (liking the outdoors, football), they aren't worth being around.

Gay dudes are just that>> dudes. You're dudes who likes dudes, but you're no less of a dude because you like dudes.

 

as a non sterotypical gay you will have people that will not believe you and some that will make a big deal of it as though they are in such disbelief and "omg, YOUOOO can't be gay lol". you see, unfortunately some pea-brain people have a problem when you do not fit a certain sterotype. in fact, it really throws them off and because their limited minds can not comprehend a masculine guy being gay, they will often try and "make you into a sterotypical gay" in order for them to feel more comfortable.

for instance. they may try and associate you with effeminate things: "oh, im sure you like this or that, you're not gay, you're not into house decor, etc. etc. " it can be quite annoying.

its like if someone is of a particular race that doesn't act like the "sterotype", a lot of people have a problem handling this and the person is subjected to racists remarks "you're not black enough"; "speaking to latino people with an "accent" when they dont speak with one, etc.

in terms of gay people, you will be a hot pick because a lot of people like masculine guys so i think instead of any hatred there, you would get more curiousity from people that are interested in dating you.

true, not all gays fit a sterotype but when you go to gay places, you tend to see more of the sterotypes presented there which can be uncomfortable and isolating if you are looking for other guys like yourself. if you want to meet a group of other guys like yourself that you KNOW are gay and not have to guess if they are gay or not, you have to find more clubs and groups that those guys go to or hang out at (gay sports leagues, etc.). true, there are all types of guys that liek guys and you would never know it, but that's also the problem....you would never know so if you're looking to date guys like that, i think it's a lot harder.

 

There are no requirements to be gay. Anyone can be gay, which is what took me by surprise when I first came out.