i've recently come to terms with being gay and have now told everyone except my coworkers. one of my friends asked me if i felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and i lied to him and said it did. i actually feel just like i did when i was in the closet. i'm pretty old for all this (26) and although i've had some girlfriends i've faked it with, i've never been with a guy. my problem is i dont think it's going to happen.. i am shy so the bar/club scene doesn't work out too well and i don't know a single gay person to go with. my straight friends absolutely would not go. my city is kind of small-ish (ottawa), so there are not a lot of gay sports teams/whatever, and i'm artistic and suck at sports anyways i cant leave ottawa for a long while, either... i am also exclusively a bottom... i'm not ugly i guess, girls are certainly after me, but i'm not cute or young or anything like most bottom guys... so i dunno if anyone would even really want me that i would also be interested in. all in all, it just seems very hopeless and i dont really want to continue living out my life if i have to be alone for it all.. i don't expect to just walk out my door and meet 'the guy' but if i dont know any gay ppl and can't really come to know any, i cant see any possibility of ever getting out of this. and thats the weight that isn't lifted off my shoulders, the fact that in or out of the closet i still feel weird and different and there is no possibility for things to get better. if it just felt like maybe it could happen, i would feel happier..
Hi thackur, I am right with you. I'm 36 and came out to my best friend about a month ago. I'm not out to my family yet but want to soon. I live in a small city too and only know one guy who's gay. I can't really give you advice but know that you're not alone. There's others working through the same issues. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk.
...I had a more fleshed out reply, but the site crashed for me as I posted it, so it never made it here. So if this sounds short and blunt, I'm sorry about that. You said it yourself, so you seem to know it, but sitting around and waiting isn't going to do you any good. You aren't going to meet anyone that way, and all you end up doing is making yourself feel more lonely and miserable. So even if you aren't going to go man-hunting, go do something to occupy your time. Work, hobbies, etc., anything to keep you busy and your mind off your troubles. I think one of the things you need to work on is being comfortable with being single. Not to say you're always going to be single, but there are other important things in life than being in a relationship. I know you're eager to date guys (as a lot of us are ), but give it a bit of time! By being comfortable with yourself, you start to become more confident (not necessarily cocky) which translates to most people as attractive. On that point, you just "came out". That's a massive change! Give it a bit of time for it to sink in. Just enjoy the fact that you can talk openly about guys now if you want, and that you aren't hiding a part of your life from your friends. The more you casually bring it up in conversation, or include it in your life the same way any straight guy would include liking girls in his, the more of a "normal" topic it becomes. And again, with that feeling of normalcy comes confidence and attractiveness. I don't know if you've considered it or not, but maybe look into online dating? It's not for everyone, but a lot of people find success through it. Might be worth a shot. And lastly, Ottawa is NOT a small city! It's the capital of the country! I've only been there once, but honestly that trip was the one time I felt most comfortable with liking guys (before coming out) than I ever have. Seeing couples running around everywhere was pretty awesome. Anyway, I'd bet any money that there's an LGBT center/organization in Ottawa - try looking into it! By going there, you get to not only meet other LGBT people, but you get the chance to be involved in other activities in the LGBT scene. It's a great chance to network, and like all people, that's the only way you're going to meet other people
yes someone would want a guy that is a 26 year old bottom that girls are after that is cute. not everyone wants to date younger guys. at 26 you are still very young. people like to date people their age. obviously you look good because girls are chasing you. the gay bars and clubs are a waste of time unless you want to hook up or listen to techno music and have some creep with a drink try adn hit on you. join some gay organizations in ottawa or get online and see what the gay online community is like there. that's really your only hope. if you are out, maybe letting people know you're gay and intersted in being hooked up with a decent upstanding young man ( or old man if that's your thing) would be a good idea. you can meet people that way if they know of other gays. other than that, work on your self esteem in the meantime. being alone sucks but really until you have exhausted all efforts not to be alone, you have to give it a try. also, if you exhausted all efforts and still alone, then you need to find other ways to enrich yourself or enrich the lives of others. sometimes doing what you love helps you meet people that you may eventually love and love you back romantically or platonically
i didn't really say that i was sitting around waiting.. i do keep busy, but i'm a little tired of just distracting myself day in and day out. i'm not sure what i am supposed to do to work on being comfortable with being lonely and sad (should i look in a mirror and tell myself how awesome i am or something..?) anyways, i'm not looking to become comfortable with being alone, mainly because time is something i dont really have. I'm getting older and when my youth is gone it will be even more hopeless trying to find someone... well, i would talk about it more, but all my friends are straight and so they really dont want to hear about what guy i think is hot. i did look into online dating but there wasnt anyone in ottawa that i was interested in.. well, actually if you lived here you'd find out that in many ways ottawa behaves like a small city. yes, i went to the lgbt center and went to a few of the things they host but there was only me and two 18 year olds there...at my age i cant really hang out with teenagers anymore :/ anyways, it was considerate of you to take the time to reply to me, and thank you.. ultimately i just hate myself and my life and i'm tired of waking up each day. guys i'm interested in probably wouldnt find me physically attractive and i'm not funny or interesting or anything, i just dont know if i'm good enough to ever be with someone and be happy and if i'm not good enough then i want to end it now.
Try a web site called datehookup it's completely free. This will hopefully help you meet some guys your age around where you live. Wish I could be more help.
Hi, Welcome to Empty Closets! You need gay friends. Go make some. Cursory investigation reveals a book club for gay men and a golf thing for queer people of all kinds, both in Ottawa. Either of these regular activities would result in you meeting gay friends. Since you're an artsy type, the book club is what I would recommend. TWENTY-SIX IS NOT OLD. Men sometimes come out much later than that, and they find partners. You will find someone. But for now, try to make some friends. That's the really important thing.
