Hi all, I've just joined this site and I need help with this as I'm getting to the point of depression, losing sleep and basically annoying everyone around me. I'm homophobic and the idea of two guys together makes me feel really ill. There's a lot of history to this and I fully understand what's happened to make me feel this way. I don't want to go into an essay as I don't want to bore anyone and I hate to feel like an attention seeker. Basically I need a support group/counselor, I have searched Google but can only find groups that are at someones home or just for people that are already out. Although I've felt like this for a long time I don't know anyone else in the gay community. Please help.
You could try to Trevor Hotline (1-866-488-7386) to see if any of them can give you advice for dealing with your homophobia. You should also search for your local chapter of PFLAG and see if they can help you find resources/ be a potential resource to help you. As for this website, you should type out your story. We can't give you good advice unless we know exactly what happened. You aren't being an attention seeker because voicing yourself here and getting help is the purpose of this forum.
Hi there, and welcome to EC! I'll admit that I'm a little confused as to why you as a homophobe would come to an LGBT site... but hey, I'm not gonna try to pick a fight. Either way, we're here to help. ^^ So you claim that you have slipped into a depression and are losing sleep because of it. Well I can VERY MUCH relate to this. For stress, I'm not sure if you're a student or an adult, so excuse me if my advice here isn't the best. ^^; If you are a student, then stress at this point and time is expected because it's almost time for final exams to start, and especially if you're graduating from senior year. The best way to reduce the stress here is to try and stay organized and prioratize your objectives. If you're an adult who's either in college or working or whatnot, then here's what I suggest: again, keep your priorities straight. (Sorry, I guess it' because I really don't know how old you are so I dunno where to go with the stress advice). As for the sleep troubles, I have a few questions: 1) Do you sleep with your TV, laptop, or phone on? 2) Do you get to bed at a decent time? 3) Do you spend all hours of the night playing video games? 4) Is there something on your mind that's bugging you and your conscience? Hope to hear back! Stay strong, bro!
Hi, thanks for your reply. I'm in the UK so I'm looking for services over here that can help. It all goes back a long way, I even remember being 5 in school and bullying another boy because he was good looking. I even remember his name was Philip (don't know how I remember) I felt bad about it for years after because he didn't actually do anything. As I went on through school ages 8-10 I remember being picked on and the other kids called me gay and I just turned round and said 'so what if I am'. My teacher heard and sent me to the head teacher and she sat me down and spoke to me for 30 minutes about why it's wrong to say I'm gay. Being 10 years old I didn't really understand anything except for the fact it's very wrong. My next memory comes from when I was 11 and I was on a train station with my mum and there were two women kissing and she grabbed me and turned me away from seeing it as quickly as she could. Throughout my school life there was always different messages about coming out and sexuality but I just couldn't say or do anything. I'm now in my late twenties and even the idea of seeing a guy naked makes me feel very uncomfortable and what happens in the bedroom is even too much to talk about. In my late teens I decided to use the internet to see what sort of guys were about but they all wanted sex and I was instantly put off. I've tried dating girls, some very nice ones that are now married and it didn't go anywhere but I couldn't even bring myself to talk to them about any of this (although I think they may have known) So for the past 10 years or so I've tried to hide it but at the same time I've been alienating myself from everyone around me because conversations always end up about getting a girlfriend and getting married. It seems that's all anyone ever talks about. All my life I've thought about growing up, getting married with a nice house and loads of kids. I'm at the point now where I only talk when I have to and don't have any physical or emotional contact with any friends or family. I'm not one to talk about suicide and I have thought about it in the past but I know I don't want to die I just want to solve this. Being rational I know it's all in my head but I just can't get around it and I'm good when it comes to solving other peoples relationship problems and giving advice and I know the advice I would give myself but it's just not happening. If someone else was telling me this I'd say go and find a nice support group and meet s nice guy that you can chat to and take things slowly, first working out who you are and what you want and then build on it from there. Sorry if that's long or I'm rambling but I'm lost. ---------- Post added 24th May 2012 at 12:31 PM ---------- Hi Waffles, Sorry I was typing my last reply while you was replying. I'm in my late 20's and try to keep to a routine of bed at 10pm and eating healthy. As soon as the depression kicks in it's chocolate and cake.
Few questions to start this off: 1) When you say you dated girls but it didn't go anywhere, were you able to have sex with them? I mean get physically aroused by them naturally and then go from there. 2) Do you have enough income/insurance to be able to see a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist? This is also about the depression. 3) Is is just male genitalia that makes you uncomfortable or does this include a guy being shirtless as well? I'll reply again later, I just need to do some searching to see if there are ways other than therapy to get over internalized homophobia.
it's was just dating to places like the cinema with girls but never went any further. Seeing anyone for help isn't an option because i couldn't even start to talk about this in person. Guys with their shirts off don't bother me but anything more than that does. I've spent months browsing the internet but just haven't found anything that seems right.
Home (has a hotline) PinkTherapy > Home (has a search engine for therapists and counsellors) I look through several articles on my university's database to see if I could find one educated opinion on how to break through one's own internalized homophobia and all that came up was rates and reasons why. Try the second resource in this reply to find a therapist near you. Even if it is in someone's house, you can always see if it's one-on-one. You don't have to go back if you don't feel comfortable with them. If you can't find one, use the first link and call the hotline to see if they know of any place near you that can help.
Thanks brocub but I don't think I could talk about this to anyone in person. I was looking for maybe a large group where I can stand in a dark corner and listen to what other people have to say. I don't think I'll find anywhere like that but I can't think of any other ideas
I think i completely understand what are you talking about, I live in a LGBT friendly household but a homophobic society, because of all the stuff that media and society dictated to me I wasn't able to accept my self or even see the obvious signs about my gayness. but one day i decided to stand against all of those bad feeling, I decide to be honest with my self and look thru my self, and at that moment all of the old nervousness and being aggressive passed, now every day I'm discover another beautiful part of my own character. I think you are passing same stages, we are all here to help and support you (*hug*) here you can talk if you want to or just stand in a dark corner and listen, we all would really be happy to help you
Well, you can always hang around here for a while. What you're describing isn't very different than the level of interaction you can get here. So, maybe if you stay and talk to people on the site for a while, you will eventually feel comfortable enough to go to a support group. We're very friendly here. For information about support that is available in the UK, try FFLAG or PFLAG UK.
Hi, dc, and welcome to EC. You're in the totally right place, you don't need to go anywhere else. What you're feeling is very common, and very normal, and something that quite a lot of people go through as they are in the process of coming to accept themselves. Your homophobia is part of your internalized denial/rejection of who you are, and for many people is a normal part of the process of coming to self-acceptance. Of course, clearly, I'd expect you to have a lot of self-hatred going on as well, because you've gotten several very clear messages that homosexuality is wrong, and, to make matters worse, those messages came from very important and influential people in your life -- your mother, and your teacher -- and that, according to the research, can be some of the most shaming and harmful experiences one can have. So now you're here, among friends, people who will love and accept you as you are, so you can start working through the feelings. I do think you'll eventually want to see a counselor or therapist, but what EC can help you with in the meantime is coming to the understanding that there's nothing unusual or wrong with you, and that the feelings of shame you have are normal given what you've been exposed to. Just those pieces are usually very helpful in better understanding oneself, and it starts to take away some of the shame for what you're feeling. EC is an amazing and warm and supportive community that can help you feel connected and like you belong, until you're ready to start reaching out in your own, real-life community. Our team of advisors, of which I'm one, are available to talk with you one-on-one and help you explore the feelings more. Feel free to PM any of us. I can promise you that as soon as you are able to look at yourself through a less critical lens, and with less judgment toward yourself, things will start to feel a lot better.
The closest thing I think you'll find to that is right here! Just stick around for a while and post as much or as little as you like.
Thanks rainbow fox, I know exactly what you mean. When I turned 17 and passed my driving test I would drive along playing songs like 'it's raining men' and 'i'm coming out' by Diana Ross. But I'd only play them if I was in the car by myself, I guess it was my way of trying to accept it. Since then though nearly 10 years have passed and I've just gone further backwards with each year that has passed. I still feel like I'm going backwards instead of forwards. ---------- Post added 26th May 2012 at 11:29 AM ---------- Thanks Ianthe I was ready to go insane before finding this site. ---------- Post added 26th May 2012 at 11:32 AM ---------- Hi Chip, thank you for your post. I have already had some great people reply to my posts as you can see. This site has helped and I've only been on here for a couple of days. I think it didn't help that I never really spoke to anyone that's gay/bi and I distanced myself from anyone that was. ---------- Post added 26th May 2012 at 11:32 AM ---------- Thanks Nazo, I think I could live on this site at the moment, seems a lot better than the real world.
