I admire the people on this site even though I'm quite a bit older than most people here, I haven't come out that much, only to my Father and Sister, my Mother but she passed away and some friends all of whom have been pretty good with it. I'm not particularly promiscuous and have a hard time meeting people as friends other gay men that is, has anybody else come across this problem? That's all I really wanted to ask, I'm not working right now and have alot of anxiety and depression is there any advice from anyone. Jason
The only advice I am give is you take strong, take action, keep your head held up high and hang in there thing and things will get better. I understand thd depression thing, I understand the anxiety thing I also have OCD to. I would describe myself as painfully shy, and it takes a lot of effort for me to just go out and do basic things. I haven't worked for 10 years just started again and all the people were nice, BUT the company kept delaying pay, and I was only there for a little over a month. It was doing home health care and the company endeD up not being reputable. I think what is hard now is I have had to go out and fill out other applications and I don't have a whole lot of self-worth, self esteem, and confidence. Asking for a job application for me is like asking to stand up in front of 20,000 people and ask to a speech. I think the worst part is now that I am not working again it reminds me of the years I did not. The feeling of boredom and being lonely are actually depressing me. My only advice would be to join a gay support group(in person) or do find leagues geared to gay men(they have them for bowling, and other leisure activies) I think what I have found is these things seem impossible for someone who is shy(not sure if you are) but once you start doing them you will feel better. An example to compare it(and not offending who has weight issues) but in some ways being social is like losing weight. A lot of people try to read book on losing weight, or just wish the weight would go away. The thing they are missing is the person. I myself have this problem with social situations(I am not showing up), its not going to just happen you have to go and seek it out(some of this advice is directed at myself as well, not the weight though, the social stuff) Keep us posted Justin
Thanks for the advice, it's nice to know (although I am empathetic to your situation to) that I'm not alone in this, I haven't worked in 2 years, I recently met someone online and told him that, and I haven't heard from him since, so I'm a little leary about telling people the truth. Tried to find a support group near here no luck, only found one for teens up to 18 yrs. But I'll keep trying. I understand your situation well, keep your head up as well. Jason
Hey Jason. I hadn't seen this post yesterday. Have you seen this site? http://www.outandout.on.ca/ I haven't looked too hard at it, but I think there are all kinds of activities. Check it out.
I think finding ways of meeting other gay people as friends and not for sex is a problem at any age. The first thing we have to realise (which you already have) as that you have to make the effort to meet people - they will not come to your door. A lot of the social scene is pub and club based which tends to attract younger guys and is more sex/hookup rather than friendship based. However it varies a lot with different venues and on different nights. Here in Hereford we have just one gay/mixed pub but it tends to get a good mix of people of all ages, many of whom are there to socialise in pleasant and welcoming company. Some nights are quieter and good for chatting, other nights (such as every other Saturday) they have a disco night which can make for a hotter atmosphere. Larger areas are more likely to have a choice of venues. It is worth checking what's in your area and perhaps visiting one weekday evening (earlier in the week) to see what's going on. I know it is VERY difficult going to somewhere like that on your own for the first time though. It is much easier if you can go with someone or arrange to meet someone there, then you know you won't be sitting on your own all evening. Otherwise you have to just try starting conversations with people and see how it goes (expecting that some people won't want to talk to you).
Hey "Silver" I'll make your day Lol!.............I did'nt come out till I was 42. Allbeit after being married to an incredible woman and having had a son who is the "center of my universe". I divorced in 2004 and came out 3 months later. Yup! I'm new at this and doing pretty well. One day I will tell my whole story "adnauseum" cuz it's pretty long. So don't beat yourself up. Think of me the next time you get down on yourself and realize you still have the whole next half of your life. Right now focus on healing. I know your going through a really rough time. In time, this will pass. If not, and you are able, I strongly recommend you connect with a competent councilor or therapist. You might require "meds" to maintain balance related to your mood swings. The good news is your condition is treatable but confirm with a licensed professional. Hang in there my Friend!! :icon_wink Stay Strong & Press On!! Suede7 Delray Beach, FL
