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How easy is it to stay friends after breaking up?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by anonymous1, May 26, 2012.

  1. anonymous1

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    I'm asking because I really like this girl M, but the reason I don't want to be girlfriends is because I value our friendship. We would have to break up at some point, and I don't want to lose her. M has stayed friends with her last ex girlfriend (E) but that was complicated. E attempted, and very luckily failed, to commit suicide. They broke up because that was way too much for M to handle. So I guess I'm asking, would we be able to stay friends once we broke up?
     
  2. RealityCheck

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    It's hard to say when you don't know what the context of the breakup would be. I don't think you should avoid relationships just because you might breakup. You might miss out on something very special.
     
  3. Farouche

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    If you're friends before the relationship, you can probably stay friends after breaking up. If the relationship started out romantic almost from day 1, then you're more likely to lose touch after breaking up. That's only a general rule, and you can't really tell until it happens.
     
  4. Janos

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    Even if you're friends at first and for a long time before the relationship, that's no indicator that you'll be able to stay friends.
    The best indicator of whether or not you can stay friends after the breakup is HOW you break up.
    If its mutual (both of you agree to break up due to having the same feelings about how things are going) then you should be fine.
    If one side doesn't want to break up and wants to remaind going out with you then it won't go smoothly, the side that didn't want the breakup will need time to get their head sorted and even then they may harbour simmering resentment for you ending things or may never get over their feelings for you and find they want to stay friends just so thewy can be around you but when they do that their feelings for you can prevent them from moving on with anyone else.

    It's a risk either way.
     
  5. midwestgirl89

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    It depends on how you break up (if you break up) and how each one of you feels toward the other at the point of breaking up. If one of you feels more in love or something than the other, that could make things iffy. A case of unrequited love would make remaining friends more complicated. However, if there's a mutual understanding at the end of a breakup, I think friendships can always work. Usually, a little bit of time needs to pass before a relationship can turn back into a solid friendship.

    If you think she's worth the risk, I'd say go for it. Don't avoid the relationship just because you think you'll break up. Avoid it if she's in the relationship for the wrong reasons, but not because you think there will be an eventual breakup. It all depends on the situation and how she/you feel(s) right now. Does she have feelings for you? Why do you think you would have to breakup at some point?
     
  6. anonymous1

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    Thanks guys, I don't think anything is going to happen, and I guess I'm okay with that. I know we would break up because we are only 14, so it can't last too long. I was texting her last night and this is what she said:

    ...but I want you as a friend E, because I want you in my life for a long time and because you're so good to me as a friend.


    I like being her flirty, probably a bit too cuddly, friend.
     
  7. Ianthe

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    You guys can stay friends, at least for now.

    Friendships can survive, but only if you don't betray each other in the relationship. If you really hurt each other, it's hard to go back to being friends. (I think that's a bigger factor than one person having stronger feelings than the other.)

    Like, if you went out with her, and then one of you cheated and then ended the relationship to go out with someone else, it would probably be hard to go back to being friends.

    But if you date and one or both of you are just not as in love as you thought you'd be, or you grow apart for whatever reason, or you just aren't ready to settle down, and you talk about it and decide the relationship isn't going to work any more, the friendship could probably survive that. Some couples break up because they are going to college in a different state, for example. It's usually possible to stay friends as long as their wasn't a messy betrayal, if both people want to stay friends.