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Is it possible

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Gazza123, May 27, 2012.

  1. Gazza123

    Gazza123 Guest

    I'm just wondering. Is it possible to get a boyfirend and then come out as gay. Just from my POV that would be easy, for me at least since I'm not that confident and having someone beside me would ease the process of coming out.

    So. Is it possible? :confused:
     
  2. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hi there! It is possible, however, finding a boyfriend or being in a relationship with someone while being in the closet is pretty hard. It can actually add additional stresses on you because even though you might find a boyfriend, your won't be coming out all at once the next day.

    I am not so sure that having a boyfriend would make it easier to come out. Having a boyfriend or being in a relationship brings on a whole new set of potential issues on which you would need to work on. Your boyfriend might not be the one with whom you want to talk to or seek advice from. If you don't have anyone to talk to about things that could become a problem. Also, having a boyfriend for the sake of having an easier time coming out, is not really fair to the (potential) boyfriend.

    I'd suggest that you have a look at your circle of friends and try identifying one or two friends to whom you could come out to, and know would support you. This might actually be easier and make things easier on you too.
     
  3. Ianthe

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    Something else you might want to keep in mind, is that if you come out and introduce your boyfriend at the same time, it's more likely that your family will blame your boyfriend for your sexuality, thinking he "turned you gay" or whatever.

    I agree with Mirko that it would be a good idea to come out to a few friends if possible--or, you could also try to make some gay friends. I think when you first step into the gay community, it's a better idea to look for friends first, rather than necessarily looking for a relationship right away. A gay friend could provide the kind of support your are talking about without the problems of starting a relationship while you are still in the closet. You know, gay people tend to have very strong friendship groups, which are sometimes even referred to as things like "families of choice." Don't underestimate the amount of support you can get from that.

    The problem is, whether you are looking for a relationship or friendships, you can't really find either if you are completely closeted. A boyfriend especially--it's impossible to date a guy without him knowing you like guys. So you would have to at least be out to him. And while you might be able to make friends with gay people without coming out to them, they aren't going to be able to give you the kind of support you need unless they know.

    I also think you need to stop thinking of coming out as a giant thing that you do all at once. It doesn't usually work like that. You don't need to worry about coming out to the whole world right now. For now, just start with one person.
     
  4. davidroberts

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    i think it ll be a problem even finding a good partner also till u r in the closet. unless u r really sure that the person u like is gay u ll not ask him out in fear of him telling other ppl and ur secret will be revealed. and once u r already out u need not worry abt it . you can concentrate easily on ur relationship properly if u already out :slight_smile: then also think well abt it and then decide :slight_smile: best of luck .
     
  5. Gazza123

    Gazza123 Guest

    To be honest I;d look at circle of friends if actually had one. I don't have many and so this site was kind of my way of find answers

    ---------- Post added 27th May 2012 at 11:06 PM ----------

    All good points and yeah the boyfriend stuff does kind of make sense. It still feels weird when I think about having a boyfriend. Probably cuz I;ve tried convincing myself that I;m not gay and will have a girlfriend.

    I guess fighting and staying in denial for two years is finally wearing thin. I've just gotta start accepting me for me.