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Coming out to wife confusion.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ttmab, May 27, 2012.

  1. ttmab

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    So, I came out to my wife recently. She's been supportive, but she's taking it hard, as am I. The thing is, she called me (we're separated at the moment) and told me she wanted to see other people. I told her that was okay (with relief, actually), but she was bawling out of control, so I told her I wasn't mad, and why.
    We finally got to see each other this weekend, and talk about things in a mature, rational manner, deciding where our relationship would go from here.

    Well, I wish. Actually we fucked 6 times. I wish that was bragging, but it's not. It's the opposite. I'm ashamed to admit that. I couldn't keep my hands off her. We weren't even like that when we first met. And yet, I'm still attracted to guys. Could I make this work, or is this just me going after her now that I can't have her? Do I love her as a husband, or as a junkie pursuing his fix?
     
  2. Gravity

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Even aside from coming out, I think it can be normal to have that kind of sexual experience with a new ex when you're still going through the break-up process. Often the flood of emotions overflows into physical activity of one kind or another. Of course - to bring the coming out back in - this has the added effect of being confusing for you in an entirely different way than the usual way.

    As strange as it may sound, I would try to avoid drawing too many conclusions from this. Maybe it means something about your sexuality, but maybe it doesn't - maybe it just means that it hurts to be losing someone who was so close to you for so long. And there's nothing wrong about that.

    If this isn't something you want to handle, keep in mind that it's entirely appropriate at this point to establish boundaries for how and when you see her - maybe only during lunch time, or only on weekdays, or something like that (helps keep the emotions in check). You're in the middle of a complicated process, so it's only natural for some major things to happen that will freak you out. If you don't want to expose yourself to that, don't. If you went through the process far enough to come out to your wife, then you've probably put a lot of effort and time into this so far. Respect your own emotions and give yourself at least the chance to think this through to its end, whatever end that may be.