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Overwhelmed by a gay club

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Kev, May 27, 2012.

  1. Kev

    Kev
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    So just the other night I went to a gay club for the first time. I've been to gay bars and I'm fine with them, but going to this club totally made me feel so insecure and overwhelmed. Being around so many other gay men in such a small area with loud music and everyone dancing made me feel uncomfortable for some reason and I don't know why. I wasn't sure what to do, I was afraid to approach other men, and I got self-concious because no men were approaching me. I basically ended up killing my buzz, having a horrible time, and getting depressed.

    Does anyone else here have a problem like this? I've never had a problem like this before and I've never had a problem with social anxiety before, so I'm not really sure what my deal was. Especially since I was in such a fun, party mood before we showed up. :/
     
  2. Markio

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    Did you go by yourself? Most people in gay clubs go in groups of friends and then dance together, making it awkward for people who are by themselves.

    I imagine anyone would be nervous in a new environment, especially when there's no clear social rules to follow. Also, grinding/dancing is the most awkward social activity to do alone OR with another person. I usually just laugh at myself while I'm clubbing. The point is, it is normal to feel overwhelmed on your first visit to a gay club.
     
  3. Kev

    Kev
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    I went with a group of people. But, I was the only gay man in the group. I went with two of my straight guy friends and four lesbians (one being the sister of one of my friends and the other 3 I met that night). I did end up dancing with the girls for a bit and they were trying to make me feel more comfortable, but it didn't help much.
     
  4. RealityCheck

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    I have only been to bars, but I am still getting use to the environment. I haven't been to many bars, straight or gay, which I'm sure sounds crazy since I'm 31. The 3 times I have been to a bar I went by myself. I forced myself to be more outgoing and talk to people. Everyone seemed very nice and now I have made a couple of friends. I think you just have to let yourself be a little vulnerable and go in with the expectation to just meet new friends. Anything beyond that is just an added bonus. It has worked for me so far. Your situation may be different, but I wouldn't give up on it just yet. Good luck.