Do the following things "mean" anything, or are they just... things? Was called a gentleman (not lady) when I held a gate open for someone over the weekend... She knows me well, but it made me feel proud somehow. A girl I'm obsessing over (bad, I know) right now felt guilty for not hugging me to say hi and when the opportunity arose I went over to her and we hugged in front of many others. I didn't care about the other people, and deep inside I didn't want to let her go. We probably drew a lot of attention to ourselves as it were. Yet I didn't care. I want to switch from women's to men's deodorant. Because it smells nice. Went to buy a new watch since my old one broke and the new one is much bigger than the old one. Yet I like it lots and it actually still looks good on me. Even though I sometimes like to dress up I don't exactly feel comfortable wearing make-up or girly clothes. It's hard for me because I have to be discreet :icon_sad: I'm again starting to consider getting a short haircut Want to buy one or two plain sterling silver/stainless steel rings just for the bling effect (already have one). Also always wanted a "dog tag" and want to have my tongue re-pierced... (mostly because I miss my piercing) Are these things just things and am I reading too much into them, or are they actually indications that changes are occuring inside of me and I'm starting to accept who I really am?
That explains why I'm envious of lesbians/gays who are out and "free" to be who and what they really are, without caring what the world says or thinks... I've always been tomboy-ish and I guess that already should've told me something. And I'd rather have a nice rough and tumble with someone, challenge guys to arm wrestle or learn something about cars than go shopping or make myself pretty and have a girl's night out. I'm also a lot more comfortable kicking around a rugby ball than I am throwing a netball ball around. Love bashing things and breaking things and love taking things apart to see how they work (though I seldom know how to put them back together, lol) All of those things should've told me something a long time ago! And it's starting to make sense now. And I've had too many failed relationships (heterosexual) to mention, so kinda lost my faith in men. Probably also why I want to put that part of my life behind me and LIVE! Be true to myself and stop pretending
If you've always felt tomboyish, then BE tomboyish. Don't worry about trying to label yourself - or appease other people's restricted views about who you are or how you should present yourself. You know yourself better than everyone. So do what feels best to you. And unless it threatens your life, ignore whatever disparaging comments people feel the need to fling at you.
Good advice! My worst nightmare and big headache at this stage is my parents forever trying to turn me girly. Forcing me to act more ladylike, speak in a softer tone, stop cussing, for Pete's sake, even ash my cigarette a certain way! Didn't even know there was a "ladylike" way to do that, but I naturally did it the "wrong" way according to their standards. :dry: Ticks me off that people want me to be something I'm not. Someone who will fit in with society according to THEIR screwed up standards and ideals. Well I'm just sick of it all and it's time for me to be who I want and act however I want because I am not someone's string puppet! :tantrum:
Do it. Get the haircut. Not just a girly short cut--get the haircut you really want. (You may have to be very firm with the hairstylist to accomplish this.) And throw out anything in your closet that doesn't make you feel like you. Wear men's deodorant. Start right now.
Going to make me feel like I'm rebelling, lol. Wish I could go out and make all those changes right now. On the one hand I'm a bit scared of making such a dramatic change. The confusion it will create among family and friends is just too much for me to think about. I'm quite close to every one of them. But I know this is something I really need to do for myself, to truly be happy and comfortable in my own skin. And the change will give me the confidence boost I need to come out too. Maybe not a full-blown lesbian at first, but as a bisexual until I've found which side of the rainbow I really want. Though I think I've pretty much made up my mind. I don't think I want kids and if I were to want one in future I don't want the father to be my husband, but just a donor. Say a good friend or something. But we'll discuss that when we get there. It's been done before and could work. For now though I think I really need this change. Dramatic but soooo necessary! Great site this! Loving the support :eusa_clap
Ran the haircut by my parents last night and they seem indifferent about it. They said it's my hair and I can do with it what I want. But my mom did, however tell me that I have to remember to keep long sideburns. I asked her if it matters and she said yes. If she only knew..... :lol: I'll see what the hairdresser does. Will leave it up to her. If she leaves my sidies longer then so be it, if she makes it short, even better. But going shorter is the first step, the more subtle changes will happen later on. I've had my hair in so many lengths over the last few years but when it's long I always keep it in a ponytail because I hate having hair in my face. So don't really see the use of having long hair if it's always tied back anyway. I know longer hair is more versatile and you can do more with it but the shorter hair will be easier to manage in my opinion. I've already got a good idea on how I'll style it. Now I just have to go and have it done.
Cool that you're cutting your hair. Seriously, I did something similar after I came out. It was like I could breathe! Suddenly, I didn't have to buy THESE girly clothes or wear makeup...ever...and BAM, I became ultra comfortable with myself. Hope that same thing is happening to you! Sorry your parents give you crap about being a 'lady'. That really sucks and I hope it's not too bad for you. (*hug*)
Last night I did a virtual makeover to show my parents what I'd look like with short hair. They obviously loved it (!) - Which makes me happy. A couple of minutes after I showed them the picture, my mom said in a mocking tone, "So when are you having this haircut? I just want to see if you're really going to do it" I thought to myself, WTF?! but just laughed at her and said, "Very soon...and it will happen." Seriously... Did she think I wasn't being serious about it? On another note, I'm seeing the girl I'm crushing on again this afternoon. We're going horse riding together again. I just wish I had the guts to just tell her straight-up that I'm interested in her, and that I'm bi (at least). I hinted in that direction in an email conversation but she's just too innocent or too naive to really "get it." I told her about the change I want to make to my appearance and she was all for it. I sent her the before and after pics and she loved it! Would it be terrible if I just took the plunge and kissed her? Do you think she'll know then what I'm talking about? I don't really have the guts to do it, but you never know. When the right moment arrives I might just have the courage :lol:
Those are just things. They just mean you want to express yourself. I don't think they mean anything gender- or orientation-wise.
Tell her you are bisexual. Let her get used to that for a little bit, before you let her know you are interested in her.
Brilliant idea. I hope the news doesn't scare her away or something. That's the last thing I want. I want her to know that I'm still the same person she befriended a while ago, only difference is that she now knows my "secret"... Just to find the guts to actually tell her. Lol. But I believe that with these things there's no way other than the direct way.
You sound like a wonderfully positive and cheerful person (maybe its just the way I am reading it, but I hope not). Its great to hear you are taking these steps to be more yourself. I did something (and is still doing) similar to this when I came out as well. I had long hair but I always had it tied back, so finally it just had to go! I came out to everyone before I made these changes so I got the, "just because you are gay now doesn't mean you have to go out of your way to look the part" or "you know there are lesbians who still look like a girl"... it used to bother me, but eventually they will get used to it. All I can suggest is make these changes based on how you feel and don't let anyone else, gay, straight, inbetween, whoever pressure you into doing anything you don't feel comfortable in doing. Good luck!
I came out to her yesterday and she is very supportive of it. Says that she enjoys my friendship and will never judge me on my decisions or sexuality. But she did, however, make it clear that she is straight and the kisses she sends via text messages are for friendship, nothing more. So there's no hope for us getting together, but I feel relieved now that she knows about my sexuality at least. Even though I've only known her for a little over a month now, I felt more comfortable coming out to her than I feel about the idea of coming out to my friends of a couple of years. Very odd. And I doubt it's because I had romantic feelings for her. Whatever the reason, I'm sure coming out to others will get easier the more I do it. I'm so thrilled and excited yet nervous. Lol Thank you. I'm a very laid-back, happy-go-lucky person most of the time and try to remain optimistic about things Lol, those thoughts crossed my mind so many times since I decided that I'm going to chop off my hair. Something the girl I came out to yesterday said, made me think. She said, "I always thought you were tougher than the average woman" So maybe, subconsciously I was automatically acting more like a dude, or at least much more masculine than a girl normally would. My physical strength also by far outweighs that of the average woman my age, even some who are older... So by default I am more masculine, which is also why I want to make the changes. There are a couple of other things I've also noticed about myself that other women just don't do but I seem to want to do it naturally, like arm wrestle, help people carry stuff, etc. Many people will be confused about the new look, but they'll get used to it. I really can't wait to have it done!!! Hehe
Based on my other thread, NOW what?!... I've changed my preferences on the dating site I'm on to interested in both men and women. So I'm starting to really get comfortable with this whole "title/label"... Anyway, I've been toying with the idea of coming out to my parents and telling them the real reason for the planned makeover. Problem is, I don't know how to tell them. I don't know how to start the conversation and don't know which words to use/how to phrase it. Do I just come right out and say, "I'm bisexual, and that's why I want to make this change to my appearance so I can show on the outside who I am on the inside" or do I phrase it more subtly, as in "I like women and men, but feel more masculine, and would like to have this makeover in order to feel more comfortable in my own skin" I'm sure they'll be supportive, as we suspect one of my cousins to be lesbian - she's constantly with a lesbian and there are subtle things/signs that point in the direction of them being an item... And the whole family (direct and extended) is ok with this. Though they haven't come out to any of us yet, we know. Or at least assume, and accept them as they are. Me most of all. And my parents joke about it a lot but in a positive way. This weekend the family got together and I said my cousin will probably come over with her girlfriend and my dad jokingly said, or man, depending which one of them is the butch one though it's clear as daylight. LOL So I think coming out to them won't be so hard, it's just to find the right words...
