Okay. SO this site is great it has helped me realize a lot of things and I have started at least 6 threads with questions that have been bugging me and the questions just keep coming. Now that I've finally come round to the fact that no matter how much deny it I am gay. Now it's got me to thinking about something else. If I do eventually meet a guy and after some time we get to, lets say more physical stuff. I'm a little concerned about being naked with guy as I'm very body conscious and such. So what I'm asking is did any of you have those issues and if so how did you deal with them
I'm in the same situation as you, I think you've posted on a few of my threads as well. If I ever get to that point I'm planning for everything to happen in the dark. I think after your first night together you'd feel more comfortable. Currently I wouldn't even feel comfortable taking my shirt off in front of a guy I find attractive.
Yeah. I seem to encounter you a lot on some of threads I've started if not all, not that that's a bad thing of course cuz you've had some really good advice and that. Yeah after the first night it would be more comfortable. Yeah I couldn't take my shirt of in front of a guy I find attractive either.
I think the reason we've posted on each others threads is because we're more or less at the same stage. I joined less than a week ago and already done over 30 posts. I think this site is really helping me discuss everything.
It's very normal to feel self-conscious about showing off your body. I don't know how some people out there are so casually able to have one-night stands, as it takes me a while to really warm up to someone enough to do that. I'm extremely self-conscious about showing off my body and the idea of it being judged by someone seeing it for the first time. I've only been with two guys in my life, but both of them, especially my current boyfriend, made me feel extremely comfortable and relaxed. My first time ever was with the lights off, so a majority of the experience was felt and not seen, which helped. But now I've become so comfortable with myself that I'll often lie on top of the covers completely nude with the lights on, and sometimes I'll catch my boyfriend looking at me, smiling with his eyes. And if you're like me, that single look will be the only reassurance you need.
I know. It amazes me that these people have one night stands without the self conscious thing. I could never do that and would never have one night stands cuz honestly... whats the point
This is why you find the right person. If you meet a guy and build a good relationship with him first before doing anything sexual, all your self-consciousness will be dispersed the first time you take your shirt off since he won't do anything to make you feel bad about it, quite the opposite. After that it's all smooth sailing.
^ Matchbox 20 is good stuff, heh I don't know whether the important part of the question is "taking your shirt off" or the fact that the other person is a guy. So, if it's taking your shirt off, I think you've already got advice on that. I'm in the same boat, so by no means do I have any answers for you . But keep in mind that if he likes you as much as you like him, he likes you FOR YOU; no matter how ugly you might think you are, it's probably what made you attractive to him in the first place. So own that knowledge and basically "fake" thinking you're awesome. I'm sure the combo of him thinking you're smokin' and you being super confident is a good way to keep things lively And if it's the fact that it's with a guy, well... would you be any more comfortable taking your shirt off for a girl?
i think the people you hang around with as well can make you feel self-conscious, I know a lot of the people I used to spend time with would comment on everyone's body as they walked past. Without realising it you might start wondering if other people walking past are doing the same to you.
its the "taking my shirt off" but yeah what you said makes a lot of sense and now really can't wait till I find that person. Not just for the intimate stuff but for everything else. Although I do have a feeling its gonna be a while till I find that person:icon_sad: But I'm gonna focus on feeling comfort with being gay and coming out, evenutally
That's a really good mindset to have. I'm glad to see that you know you need to be comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable with others. I'm not uncomfortable taking off my shirt (maybe because I swim a lot) but I don't do it if I don't have to. You won't feel self-conscious doing it when you're with the right person And I don't think it'll be a long time for you to find the right person either. At the risk of sounding like a cliche, love comes when you least expect it. It will come, trust me
Heard too many cliche's to believe that love comes when you least expect it. It would be nice if it did but yeah, heard too many to believe its true
Everyone, men and women, has shame about their bodies. You can thank the incessant advertising about weight loss products, liposuction, plastic surgery, gym memberships, makeup, hair products, fashion magazines, clothing companies, and the like for that. So the best way to approach that is through critical awareness. Pay attention to how much around you tells you that, in some ways, you're not thin/tan/muscled/enough. And realize that it's all a scam to sell you shit. And realize that the *average* person does NOT have the body you see on TV or in magazines or other advertising. Love isn't about having a perfect body, and the people that go after people because of looks are not the ones you want to be going out with, because they're shallow as heck. And... if looks are what someone is attracted to, what happens in 10 or 20 years when looks fade? You want someone who loves you for who you are. It takes a while to learn to love yourself as you are... and loving yourself as you are doesn't mean you can't also work to make yourself even better. But it does mean truly loving yourself with all your imperfections, emotional and physical, whatever they may be. When I used to teach massage, I found that a person's own body image affected how comfortable they were touching another person; if they are uncomfortable with their own body, that's going to come across in how they touch others. So the class did a lot of work on body image. One of the exercises I had the class do was to stand naked in front of a mirror and look at oneself for 10 minutes straight. We all do it for 10 or 30 seconds, but to do it for 10 minutes, it forces us to get past the perceptions we have, and really look at ourselves. And for most of us, it helps us to feel more comfortable with who we are, regardless of how "imperfect" we might judge ourselves to be. Another thing that can be helpful -- though scary as crap for some -- is to find a nude resort or recreation place and spend some time there. I wouldn't suggest a gay one, but just a regular family one. (Obviously, if you're under 18, that will be a challenge unless you can convince your family to go, and I'm guessing that's not a conversation most under 18 people want to have with mom and dad.) The bottom line is... body image plays heavily into self esteem, and nearly all of us have shame about our bodies because of the bullshit that advertising feeds us. But the more we take steps to stretch ourselves and face our fear, remembering that shame is eliminated by bringing it to light and talking about it, the more we can feel comfortable, and, in turn, the more that improves our sense of self and self-esteem. And... for most of my friends, love *did* come when they weren't looking for it, cliche or not.
Heh, you're lucky you're not trans, that would reeeealy be hard for you. Like Chip said, everyone is body-conscious, but love isn't. If someone truly loves you, they love YOU, not what you look like. Hope I helped, this sounded better in my head. <3 love you
