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Doubting

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Gazza123, May 29, 2012.

  1. Gazza123

    Gazza123 Guest

    Have any of you come to the decision where you thought "Yeah I am ______" but then thought maybe I'm not and saying I am will just make things worse. What I mean is has doubts crossed your mind as to whether you are actually gay / lesbian / Bi.

    I only ask as this keeps happening to me and have now come down to just think. "Yeah, I think I like guys but I don't know" way of thinking

    Any thoughts
     
  2. Oblivion

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    It's happening to me quite a lot right now. One day I'm totally gay, the next I'm thinking ....wait...but he's cute...:confused:
    I don't have any advice on it, but since it's happening to both of us it can't be something that unusual :slight_smile:
     
  3. Drakey

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    This describes every day of my life for the past 2 years >.> it's frustrating isn't it?
     
  4. Gazza123

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    Defiantly frustrating. I wish my brain would just settle on a decision of some kind. I go from that guys nice "Yep I'm gay" too hmm that girl seems cute "Oh no... Back to I don't know"

    I mite as well be :bang:

    ---------- Post added 29th May 2012 at 04:57 PM ----------

    Yeah, Probably happens to more people than we know we just don't see them over the people who've clearly made they decision
     
  5. Mlpguy88

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    It isn't uncommon to feel that way, I went through that for a long time. It is the feeling of shutting out the possibility that you could like the opposite sex, and it can be scary. But for me at least, it is not the person I am. I know that now
     
  6. BajanBoy13

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    Happens to me,as soon as I've accepted myself.
     
  7. confusedlady

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    I've done this for years. I would be like ok, I'm a lesbian, but holy shit guy x is so sexy, I would love to be in his arms. Then I'd be like what kind of lesbian thinks of men like that. So I stopped labelling myself. Eventually ill probably just say I'm just me, and if they want more details then ill explain, I like both for this and that reason.
     
  8. Sartoris

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    Yep, definitely. Always seems to be when I've gotten a fair grip on myself, when I'm thinking, "Ok, I find both men and women attractive, but I only want to be with a guy." It's funny, 'cause I'll calmly think over a number of points which help me conclude and feel more comfortable in the realization I'm attracted to men then that moment comes where my mind irrationally goes, "Yeah, BUT . . . "

    What I think has helped lately, 'cause I myself have been feeling more secure, is trying to keep sight of the fact I'm not straight. Even if I'm still a bit cloudy on women, if less so as of late, I know I'm interested in men. And that ain't gonna change. :lol:
     
  9. davidroberts

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    its not a hard and fast rule. sometimes u hv feelings for both men and women. what that matters is whom you fall in love with. take ur time. if u r not able to decide still call urself a bi and end the confusion :slight_smile:
     
  10. julia

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    Yes, definitely, when I first started doubting my sexuality I didn't want to tell anyone until I was 100% sure. But now I wish I did talk to someone when I was questioning myself because being totally in the closet took a toll on me.
    I still have my doubts someday, and they probably won't go away for a while.
     
  11. Vanille

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    I've felt like that and sometimes still do. That's why I still feel confused, but I don't think this is a confusion thing for me I think it's more of being in denial. I guess there is this part of me that doesn't fully believe that I in fact like girls but I am coming to terms with it more each day.

    I tried the experiment someone here posted on another thread a while back. Try to picture yourself straight for 3 days and then try to picture yourself gay for 3 days and then see what feels more natural. ...Well I can tell you trying to pretend to be straight was extremely difficult for me and didn't work. I caught myself staring at girls without even thinking about it. I didn't even make it through the first day. I already know I like women so I don't know why it's taking so long for me to accept it. *Sigh* Denial.
     
  12. Chip

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    As others have said, really really common problem.

    Your mind plays all sorts of tricks, particularly as you get to the point of actually accepting yourself. It's sort of a last minute, last-chance-attempt to convince yourself that the "old you" is still you.

    For what it's worth, I've never seen anyone who had a clear idea they were gay suddenly have a (genuine) revelation that they were straight and it was all a big misunderstanding. I have seen people who were at the cusp of acceptance suddenly go back into denial and claim it was all a mistake... but that never lasts.

    But remember... this is probably one of the largest, most fundamental shifts in self-identity that we can make. So it's reasonable for it to take some time to get your hands around. If you find yourself really struggling, then the experiment Vanille mentioned above can be really helpful. If you have a response like hers... then it becomes pretty hard to continue to convince yourself you're questioning, and that makes it easier to accept.

    Also, remember that the difficulty in accepting ourselves as gay is rooted in shame, because of all of the negative stereotypes and comments and homophobia we hear from others, which we then internalize. So the way we heal shame is simply to talk about it. As soon as you start doing so, about 80% of it dissipates according to the research. So you're doing that now... and the more you talk openly about it, the less power it has over you.

    I hope that helps.
     
  13. Lad123

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    Nope, for me I always knew I was gay (I'm kinda lucky then ^^) since the age of about 7 years old. I didn't know what it was called but I was certainly attracted to guys and felt absolutely nothing for girls except for that emotional connection.
     
  14. Gazza123

    Gazza123 Guest

    I've done that without actually realizing I've done and yeah I've caught myself looking at guys but I'm still in that state of confusion

    ---------- Post added 29th May 2012 at 09:34 PM ----------

    Easy for some people eh? :grin:
     
  15. BajanBoy13

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    I did the same thing when I started doubting myself. I was like well either way your not straight so get over it.
     
  16. phliper12

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    Well, you can still know and not accept it. I did that for a long time. But all it did was cause self-hatred because I knew I couldn't do anything about it. Eventually after about 5 years I became okay with it... but I stayed in the closet. Still am... but I'm content now.

    It is very easy to fall into the trap of re-thinking your orientation. Every time something anti gay would happen, I would have this thought. I would force myself into thinking this was just a phase and will pass.... that way I could be, you know.... "normal"...
     
  17. Sartoris

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    Exactly.

    I think my worrying about whether I was interested in women or not has been some sort of denial. As though I felt, "Well, if I like women as well, why should I bother coming out and trying to meet guys?"
     
  18. BajanBoy13

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    I know!!
     
  19. insidehappy

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    this is usually the bargaining phase of gay acceptance and it's peppered with denial. "yea i like guys but idk, maybe i am not gay afterall". its just a way to continue in denial until you finally accept you're homosexual.
     
  20. Drakey

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    this is one of the reasons why I fear I'll be alone forever. How can I settle down with anybody at all if I'm not sure what I like one day to the next?