Hi, its been a while since I post something on here, but Ive been doing ok I guess. I have a problem with being gay because my family is very homophobic, they have already asked me if I was gay, and everytime I have denied it. So then my mom especially started talking badly about gay people, and how they disgusted her, and just in some occasions I would intervene, and defend them, but I know I cant do that too often if I dont want them to ask me again :dry: But today in the paper there was an article about a girl who was going to marry her girlfriend, and she started like "how disgusti......" and then she stopped and said, no im sorry, thats innapropiate, and she went on to critizise something else about them (how one of them was dressed as the groom and the other as the bride, that its illogical, if she wants to be with a woman, then why be with someone dressed as a man :dry: but whatever lol ) So do you think the fact that she decided not to completley bash them, and say they are so disgusting and stuff means something? do you think she´s starting to open her mind or something?
If I had to guess, from my limited memory of your other stories about your family, I think they believe that you're gay (whether you admit it or not) and have decided that being total dicks isn't worth doing anymore when you're a part of that "group" now. And even if that's not the reason, either way I'm sure it isn't a bad thing. Either they're being more open-minded because of you specifically, or because their ideals are actually changing. Both are steps in the right direction.
Like BudderMC said, they probably believe you're gay. They've already asked you at times if you're gay or not, meaning they probably suspected something. If not, they're just becoming more open-minded and less homophobic. It's hard to tell which, but both of the possibilities are still a good thing, and might I add, will make coming out a lot easier. :3
They know. And they've had time to go through the denial-anger and maybe even bargaining stages. I think she's trying her best to telegraph to you that it's OK and that she knows. So maybe it's time to think about coming out
That would be awesoms. But she still seems pretty homophobic, she knows now I deffend gays alot, but still, you might be right. I hope you are But if I were to tell her, how should I bring it up? Im still pretty sure she´s not very accepting of gay people :icon_sad: but she might be trying. So how should I tell her? (If I do, cause Im still kind of scared of her reaction)
Look, I don't know your mom, but this seems like a good sign. Obviously don't come out before you feel ready to do so, but at least this seems like a step in the right direction and a signal that, like Chip said, it might be pretty close to time now. If you're concerned about her making arguments like her thing about one girl 'dressing like a man' then maybe you should download and print off some PFLAG materials for her. There are pamphlets and things about what it means to have an LGBT kid/sibling/friend that I really think help. It's by and for people who are all kinds of ignorant about the world of being LGBT or knowing an LGBT person. So that could help. As far as how to bring it up? Well, I kept searching for a good segue into "hey mom/dad, I'm gay" but there just wasn't one that I could think of. I just kind of had to say it. Maybe others have a better way to ease into it, but I don't know one. But seriously, it's a good sign that she's not just judging gay people for being gay. I can almost see how it's confusing when you're so used to the 'rules' for gender roles in romantic relationships to not understand why a lesbian would want to date someone who looks masculine. At least she's thinking about this, even if she yet hasn't stepped out of her heteronormative, cisnormative, stereotype-y, strictly-gender-roled reality to do so. The rest just takes time. Once you can get someone past the 'EW GAY!' part, the rest comes with time and more information. Anyway, good luck and keep us updated.
I think as all said they are not just doubting that you are gay, they believe you are. first they tried to "change it" by showing their disapproval but they found out this is not something to change, so they are trying really hard to make peace with the idea of you being gay. I think this behavior of your mother is a really good sign now about coming out, first of all do it only when you want to, maybe you should give yourself some time to get to the point and second there is no golden rule of coming out, me phrase it in a joke some simply say it. I asked each of my parents separately to sit down, and then said "I have something important to say" then after a deep breath said it out loud.
