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I want to go to a gay bar.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Lee42nc, May 29, 2012.

  1. Lee42nc

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    I just don't know how to get the nerve up to go to a gay bar. I have never been to one. I pass one on my why to and from work and tell myself that I am going to go but never do. Should I go alone? Who would I go with? I have got to get over this.
     
  2. insidehappy

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    go. what the heck. go in, grab a drink or a glass of water. experience it. if it feels weird. leave. you can always use the excuse that you were meeting a gay friend, or that you did not know it was gay if that makes you feel better.

    what you will find out is that it's just a bar like any other bar and there will be guys there with other guys and some may be "touchy" with each other. some may be dancing. some may be alone. some may be with friends. jsut like any other place. everyone is there for a reason, to have fun, to drink, to meet someone, to kill time, to be around other gay people but whatever the reason they are there. yes, you can go alone. sometimes that is better. when you go with people, its harder for people to talk to you because they do not know if that's your boyfriend and it can be intimidating. if you want to go with friends, go with a gay friend or ask a gay friendly person to go with you that you feel comfortable with. if you do not have any gay friends, and you're not out. pop in there solo and what happens. give yourself enough time to finish your drink. if you see someone you want to talk to, strike up bar convo. doesn't have to be about gayness just can be about whatever you want. if someone creeps you out. leave. check the box and consider it exploratino and move on. the biggest thing is in your head. its really just a bar with guys that like guys. nothing more. sure there may be some go go guys dancing on poles but hey, that's gay life. lol

    the thing that is instantly a "pro" about going to a gay bar is:
    1. you do not have to wonder if someone is gay. some of the bartenders are straight but if you try and talk to them they are not going to attack you even if they are straight.
    2. no more guessing...is he gay or isn't he gay. they are either gay or gay friendly.
    3. you may see same gender affection and togetherness. thsi is helpful for your self esteem and self identity.
    4. you may see others like you. the feeling of "hey i am not alone" may come over. you may stop feeling like you're the scum of the earth for something you can't contorl. if there are others in the gay bar, maybe there are others at your gym, at your job, or at your church. gays are everywhere. some hidden, some not, but they are there.
    5. you can check the box and move on with your life. do you really want to drive past the gay bar three years from now saying "omg, i wish i can go in there. im scared." just go. it will be scary at first. your heart will beat. you may feel weird, soak it up, see if you like it, give it a fair chance. or soem hot wings and beer and just chill.
     
    #2 insidehappy, May 29, 2012
    Last edited: May 29, 2012
  3. Lee42nc

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    Thank you insidehappy,

    You are right, it is in my head. I like to over analyze things and this being new for me makes it worse. I am trying to read too much into it. thanks for the advise!
     
  4. nydtc

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    Yes, you should go.
    Don't have more than a drink or two -so maintain control after years of being pent up!
    welcome to the club
     
  5. Prometheus

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    Gay bars are awesome, me and my straight friends go all the time. Don't make it a bigger deal than it needs to be.
     
  6. Deaf Not Blind

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    I was not even planning to ever go in one and have! haha! how? after a fun night out with friends and their friends, ONE is gay, so we all went together...and he didn't wanna...he was tired and drunk and wanted to go home! hahaha! so maybe you need a group like that. go figure. i didn't see other than dance area much fun, but I'm straight...sorta.
     
  7. insidehappy

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    yea just limit yoruself to a drink or two. do not go over board. i have gone to some and some sucked adn i have to say some i had soooooo much fun. i have gone alone. i have gone with someone. it doesn't matter just go if you want to go and get it over with. if it is bad, do not make the assumption that all clubs and bars will be like that. you may find some hot guys that your'e totally into and it may be a barf-fest. it switches up on the day, the time, if there are special events promoted that night. you'll be fine. keep your wits about you and do not get too out of hand. :slight_smile:

    the funny thing is that you may have high hopes at first for the type of guys that may be there and if you go and it sucks, you may think....."i have waited all this time and created all thsi anxiety for this????" lol. you'll be fine. let us know how it was. :slight_smile:
     
  8. RealityCheck

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    I vote go and agree with the not drink too much part. Not that it adds to your post but my first experience was kind of funny...

    So I got up the nerve to finally just do it. I went by myself and earlier than most would show up just so it wasn't crowded. There were a few guys there and everything seemed like any other bar I've been to except this one had a stage and it was extremely colorful, lol. I ordered a drink and just started a general conversation with the guy sitting near me. I wasn't attracted to him, but he was nice and very talkative. We talked for over an hour about all kinds of stuff. After we talked about football, he had this extremely confused looked on his face. I asked him, what? He said, "So you ARE straight right?" :roflmao: I was like REALLY? I go by myself, dressed up nicely, into a gay bar that has hardly any straight people that frequent it, and I can't even convince another guy I'm gay. I thought...This is gonna be more difficult than I thought, lol!