First a story: Not that long ago I began to question my sexuality. I met some gay guys, and tried to figure out what they went through in the hope that I may better understand what I was feeling. Found out that most of them 'knew' for a long time. later on I got into a couple short lived, but fun relationships with guys that I long for still. However not all was to be as I had thought. In the more recent past I went out drinking with a bunch of friends, and a girl I know bought me a lot of drinks... A LOT of drinks... and took me back to her place as there was no way I could drive. I blackout for most of the night, but come to while we are having intercourse, and hang out partially aware for the rest of the night before crashing out in the early morn. That is all well and good, her and I talked the next day I have no idea how to feel about it... all she told me was that she was way less drunk than I was... and now I am super confused. I know without a doubt now that I am attracted to her. Not as a relationship type thing, or something like that, but I definitely want to be with her again. I have never felt this way about a girl before EVER. I feel like I don't have the capacity to experience romantic love for her, but I can't deny that I have been thinking about her since then. So much so that thinking about guys that I like doesn't take my mind off of her. The Question: Is this similar to the way Bisexuals typically experience sexual attraction, in bursts of attraction to one gender and then the other? If so, what is the best way to switch back? I was pretty happy being with my last BF, and if things go my way I'd like to rekindle my relationship with him, and the last thing I need is to be thinking about her while I'm with him.
Yes, being bisexual means you are equally attracted to both the opposite as well as the same gender. Sometimes one more than the other. It can even be that you are emotionally attracted to one sex and physically (sexually) attracted to the other. Could be that you are both emotionally and sexually attracted to one gender and only either emotionally or sexually attracted to the other. Hope that made sense. Lol. It is often said that bisexuals are indecisive and just want best of both worlds because they can't make up their minds about what they want to be. But that's very inaccurate, as stated above.
I disagree that bisexuality is an equal attraction. I certainly haven't felt that way. But I do feel it ebb and flow over time.
Perhaps it differs from person to person. But what I meant with "equal attraction" is that you're attracted to both genders, be it emotionally or physically, or a combination of the two, for either one or the other, or both sexes. That's how I experience it anyway, lol :icon_wink
I personally do go through bursts where I am mostly attracted to just one gender. But I usually am attracted to both at the same time, if that makes sense. For example, when I see a male walking past me and then a female, I can be attracted to both. In my opinion, I don't think you can really ''switch back'' and become more attracted to one gender than the other. It just kind of happens, at least for me it does.
Well thanks for the input. Trying to nail down this sexuality stuff is harder than trying to see through Copperfield's illusions.
Hi Snapzilla, That's quite a predicament to be in for sure. But I'd have to say it's not so much an issue of what gender you are attracted to right now. It's just a matter of being attracted to two different people at once. If you had gone home with a guy that night and you guys had slept together, and then you developed feelings for that guy, it would kind of be the same situation. I hope that makes sense? Sorry if I am generalizing...but human beings, for better or worse, have the capacity to be attracted to more than one person at one time. I know I myself have had strong feelings for two people at once. I guess you just have to decide which one of them means most to you and concentrate on hopefully building a relationship with them. You may still have feelings for the girl, but perhaps they will die down over time. Even if they don't, you can always learn to keep them in check and cherish the relationship you have with your bf. Hope that helps.
Brilliant advice, and this sums up quite well what I've been trying to explain. Being bisexual means you fall in love with the person, irrespective of their gender (or sexual orientation for that matter)
According to the websites of bisexual organizations, bisexuals are people attracted to people of more than one gender. This includes people who are attracted to people irrespective of gender (also referred to as "pansexual") and also people who are specifically attracted to the attributes of two or more genders--for example, maleness and femaleness respectively. Many bisexuals report fluctuations in their attractions similar to what Snapzilla described. However, these fluctuations do not appear (as far as I can tell) to cause them to stop being attracted to an established partner.
Yes, the overall pattern of "ebb and flow" is very typical. However, it's also very individual, - for some it's "bursts" lasting a few days, for some it takes years, and it's usually somewhat muffled in a relationship. So, no, we aren't always leaving "for the other team" or any suff like that... Think of it this way, - if your previous partner was a girl too, would it change the situation much? No, it wouldn't. The girl who seduced you still would be on your mind, you'd still be worried that she may interfere with a relationship you really want, the whole thing. As to the "ways to switch" it voluntarily... Let me know if you find any.
Thanks for all the advice! Actually things have changed considerably. I tried talking to the guy I was with, but he still hasn't responded to anything I've tried talking to him. Her and I on the other hand just started hanging out as friends, and we found out we both had bad boyfriend problems, and bsed about that for a bit. From there she eventually told me more about the original... situation... and stated that I was amazing for having even been drunk and continually asking her if it was ok what we were doing. Apparently I was the first person she had been with who didnt use her just to get off. We ended up doing a lot together over the course of the last 4 days, and have the start of a relationship. Thanks again for your input!
It just comes down to how you feel. There is no need for a title, or a word for it. I called myself "straight with bisexual tendencies" for a while. I have tried everything with both sexes, and I find that if I want to "get dirty" guys are much more willing for it; at the same time I "fall" for women much easier. I hope that helps.
for me it never really changes from one to the other but i think it's called fluid sexuality....not bisexuality. Anyway, don't think can switch back and forth on command though....it would be like trying to have feelings for the same sex in a cas of heterosexuality and vice versa....it's not a choice. Don't force anything, just go with the flow....lol, a hole's a hole.
Definitely, though in me, averaged over long timeframes, I'd say it's pretty even in me. And that ebb and flow isn't just between the masculine and feminine, it also extends into generally attracted and not attracted, though that seems to be negatively correlated with stress in me, so maybe that's an artifact of something else
