So me and my dad have never been that close.I don't really know why,I was always different from my brothers not into mechanics or anything he does.I guess he sees me as the weak one (I'm not out to him yet nor my family). Like when we're with family its good because I don't have to talk to him directly but when where alone its weird because we have nothing to talk about...we have NOTHING in common! I guess its also that he was raised in a really christian family and anti-homosexual slurs come out quite a lot especially when he drinks..which is alot.Thats probally one of the other ways when I kinda despise him because he gets all rude and demanding and aggressive when he's drunk.So I feel I can never be myself around him in fear of him getting angry unlike with my mum. (This is kinda a venting thread) But from what you read do you think me not liking him is bad? Don't get me wrong he's a good dad,but made for a fully hetrosexual family.
No. Your feelings for him are totally expected. My dad's not even homophobic, but he's an enormous asshole and I hate him. Not everyone has to get along with their parents. Sometimes you just gotta live with them and thank them for what they've done and move on.
You don't have to, I got lucky and my dad doesn't care but try games or something maybe you can find something you can do together.
No I don't think you not liking him is necessarily bad. From your description above, besides the religious part, you basically described my relationship with my dad. I never played sports much or did many "masculine" activities so we never got to spend the time together that he and my brother J did. I've always considered J to be my father's son and me to be my mother's son because I've always been much closer to my mom and my brother vice versa. My father is one of the most homophobic people I know. Whenever I'm with him and that side of the family it's like a constant barrage of gay slurs. Once he even said that if it was up to him "those people" wouldn't even be allowed to hold hands. Luckily I live with my mom, my parents got divorced when I was 3, so I don't have to deal with it everyday. Nonetheless, when I was 15ish, I decided to start emotionally distancing myself from that side of the family because I knew that eventually all those slurs would tear me apart. Whenever I'm there now, I feel like I don't belong and there is not much closeness between me and the rest of them, but I guess it's just a side-effect after all these years. Moving on, I am the complete antithesis of my father. I am shy and reserved, while he is the loud, outspoken, need-to-be center of attention kind of person. We have little if nothing in common. Like I mentioned before, my parents got divorced when I was 3, so my mom basically raised me while I saw him every other weekend. Do I love him? He's my father, in a way I'll always care about him. Do I like him? Not really. He stands for basically everything I oppose. Just because you have a relationship to someone, especially one you were not able to choose, doesn't mean that you have to like them as a person.
I totally get how you're feeling. My dad and I have never been very close. He is a farmer, and it's always bothered him that I have no interest in farming (even though none of my other siblings farm). I hate most sports, and that has also always bothered him. He's really homophobic. Anytime there's anything about gay people on TV, he always has to make some sort of rude remark (usually calling them f@ggots, which I hate that word). What's really frustrating is that he's a Democrat, but pretty much socially conservative. He watches MSNBC all the time, so obviously they talk about gays a lot, so I have to hear his slurs CONSTANTLY. We generally get along, but mainly because I suppress all of my true feelings. Again, we're similar in that when me and my dad are alone, there's not much to talk about. But my dad watches TV all the time, so that pretty much fills the silence. We share the same political views, so that actually is something that we talk about. I guess the only advice that I can think to give you is to come up with something the two of you have in common, and use that as something to talk about with him.
My dad was always really weird around me and has never known how to realy hold a conversation with me that doesn't involve talking crap about my siblings or work or something. He just think I'm strange and I don't think he can relate to me at all. Since coming out, he has virtually cut off all contact with me. I see him every now and then when he stops by my place to see my brother, but when he does he never talks to me, and often he comes and goes without so much as a "hey" Come to think of it, I don't think he has made eye contact with me in about half a year. Oh well, his loss.
