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help questioning

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ann, May 30, 2012.

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  1. ann

    ann
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    this is all new to me and I am real afraid and feel so alone! I dont know what to do I feel more comfortable around gay people and more myself. My family will probibly right me off me off. most days I just want to crawl in a hole because I do not know who I am! I am very afraid and extremely lonely is there anyone that can help me out there? I need some sort of connection thanks!
     
    #1 ann, May 30, 2012
    Last edited: May 30, 2012
  2. BudderMC

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    Well, hey, welcome to EC!

    I don't really know what to say here since I'm so used to just answering questions (welcoming committee might not be my strong suit, lol)... but know that you aren't alone, even if it feels like it! There are quite a few members here who are questioning, and countless others who've gone through it all before, so I guarantee everyone here can relate to what you're going through.

    I'll ask you though: what are you afraid about? Sometimes talking things through helps to sort things out, y'know?

    That being said, if you've got something you want to ask someone, or you just want to sit here and vent about what's going on, feel free to post here! You can also PM the EC staff if it's something more personal. :slight_smile:
     
    #2 BudderMC, May 30, 2012
  3. fireworks

    fireworks Guest

    What Budder said:slight_smile: welcome, you've come to the right place xx
     
    #3 fireworks, May 30, 2012
  4. silverhalo

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    Hey welcome to EC, you have definitely come to the right place.

    Do you feel like you could be gay? Or that you are gay but dont know what to do? Or are you not sure?
     
    #4 silverhalo, May 30, 2012
  5. ann

    ann
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    I feel that I could be gay but am not clear. I am just real afraid and mostly confused. I am glad hat some people resonded so now I feel not so alone at that I can hopefully use this to help me out.

    I just seem to be much more comfortable around gay and lesbian people and I can be more of myself. I just wish I could find somewhere to just hang out and figure it out a little better. I am not the bar scene type of person and I kinda keep to myself a lot. I love movies and out doors I just dont know where to go. thanks!!!
     
    #5 ann, May 31, 2012
  6. rx79g

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    Welcome to EC! Just hang around here for a while and get comfortable with the possibility of being gay. Being open to it can help clear a lot of the confusion, trust me. You're definetly not alone, I used to feel that way a lot and still do more often than I'd like. It takes time but it will eventually clear up.
     
    #6 rx79g, May 31, 2012
  7. BudderMC

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    I know you're questioning, but have you talked with anyone about this, maybe a close friend or family member? There's nothing that say you have to "label yourself" before you can come out; you can just explain that you're not sure about some things, but you think you like girls. If they're a good friend, they'll understand and accept you for what you are (which is the same as you were before) :slight_smile:

    Like I said, sometimes just talking things over helps to sort things out. You're more than welcome to do that here on EC, but sometimes doing it in person gives a sense of "connection" that you can't get otherwise (at least, that's how I feel when I talk in person). But if that's too big/scary a step to take right now, then like others have said, just hang around here and let yourself explore the idea of liking girls. There's no rush to sort anything out, so take your time.

    If I had to give some advice, I think the hardest thing to do when you're questioning, because it's so scary, is to just be perfectly honest with yourself. But if you can manage to be honest with yourself, it'll do you loads of good, I promise!
     
    #7 BudderMC, May 31, 2012
  8. Pret Allez

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    I would just say time some time and surround yourself with supportive people. You're not alone. Same-gender attraction and gender variance is expressed by a huge number of people.

    These are beautiful, soothing waters.
     
    #8 Pret Allez, May 31, 2012
  9. silverhalo

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    Well you can hang around EC as long as you like. Are there any LGBT groups in your area?
     
    #9 silverhalo, Jun 1, 2012
  10. ann

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    yes ther are but afraid to go to them!!! I don't know where to start.
     
    #10 ann, Jun 1, 2012
  11. silverhalo

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    Well EC is a very good place to start, I totally understand how you feel I was a lot like that when I first joined EC. Do you have any really close friends you could talk to about it? Dont worry if you dont EC can work wonders, you will be suprised.

    So what started your confusion or questioning?
     
    #11 silverhalo, Jun 2, 2012
  12. ann

    ann
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    I have been seeing this guy my first relationship but u cant really call it that. It was more like on his terms of when he needed his manhood checked. Never have gone out in public just shared my bed on an as needed basis. once every 2-4 months. Well he wants to have full blowin sex with me and I told him I was not into the whole peinus thing and he told me that we have been together for some time now at that I needed to work out my issues. He also dose not want to use protection and I will not have that.

    So I had been thinking that something was off when I started feeling much more open around gay and lesbians.

    I also have never really been into the whole girly thing much more of a tom boy. I have never been really into having sex with a man and have never been in a realationship either.:icon_sad:

    I am 37 and have no real socail life been alone and very to myself most of my life I am a very social person but never had a true relationship experance!!

    Pretty sad!
    thanks!
     
    #12 ann, Jun 2, 2012
  13. silverhalo

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    Hey dont worry we all have to start somewhere and its never too late.

    Have you tried watching tv programs or films with lesbian storylines? Or have you tried looking at girls around you and seeing how you feel?
     
    #13 silverhalo, Jun 2, 2012
  14. Sayu

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    I don't know how old you are, but I've started questioning when I was 15 and I have been questioning ever since, so it's not always that clear and you just have to be patient...
     
    #14 Sayu, Jun 2, 2012
  15. ann

    ann
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    I have the movie broke back mountian and have watched boys on the side and have seen some very short lesbian shows

    ---------- Post added 2nd Jun 2012 at 02:22 PM ----------

    Thanks I think the man of mine is a girl too!
     
    #15 ann, Jun 2, 2012
  16. silverhalo

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    So how do you feel when you watch lesbian shows?
     
    #16 silverhalo, Jun 2, 2012
  17. ann

    ann
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    interested curios!
     
    #17 ann, Jun 2, 2012
  18. silverhalo

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    And if you imagine yourself with a girl or getting close do a girl, how does that make you feel?
     
    #18 silverhalo, Jun 2, 2012
  19. ann

    ann
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    I guess if I think about it spikes my curiousity! sorry I stink at spelling! I just worry about investaging it and what if the other women is not clue if I am questioning or unsure?
     
    #19 ann, Jun 2, 2012
  20. silverhalo

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    Well I definately think you should investigate it, I mean what do you have to lose? As for the other girl, well as long as you are honest about everything then there is no problem, sure if you say you are questioning or unsure it might put a couple of girls off but then if it does then they are not the right girl anyway. I think just go out enjoy the company of other gay girls and see what happens, in the meantime, perhaps allow yourself to think about girls more, and let your imagination run with it.
     
    #20 silverhalo, Jun 2, 2012
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