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Hello, I'm a straight girl but I'm in love with a lesbian

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by CocoRose, May 30, 2012.

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  1. CocoRose

    CocoRose
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    Hi everyone. :slight_smile: Coco here. I'm 26 and from southern California. I've always identified as straight, but that has been challenged recently. I've known my friend Leah for almost a year now. We met on Facebook as we're both a part of a group for writers there. We first met in person last September and we have been close friends ever since. As I'm writing this, it really surprises me that so much has changed since then...back then we were just good friends but now I am very much in love with her. She is the most incredible person I know. I have never been in love like this before. Every time we talk on the phone we talk for hours (and usually I hate talking on the phone! lol). I didn't give much resistance to the idea of falling in love with a woman. That's because I have long been physically attracted to women. I just never saw myself as being in a relationship with one. I guess that was the logical next step though. :slight_smile: I want to be with her so much.
    I've told her that I am crazy about her. She is kind of afraid of relationships though. Her last one didn't work out and she says she's just been afraid of them for as long as she can remember. But I know she is drawn to me on some level.
    I've only told one friend about how I feel about Dora. He is encouraging. My friends are mostly online and from the west African country of Ghana, where Leah is also from. The typical Ghanaian attitude towards gays is very harsh, as Ghanaians tend to be very religious. So Dora keeps her sexuality under wraps and I don't talk to my friends about my newfound affection. That's why I came here. I just needed someone to talk to. It's nice to be here. I hope to get to know you guys and make some new friends. :slight_smile: Thanks for reading.
     
    #1 CocoRose, May 30, 2012
  2. Ianthe

    Ianthe
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    Hi, Welcome to Empty Closets!

    Why do you say you are a straight girl if you have "long been attracted to women?"
     
    #2 Ianthe, May 30, 2012
  3. skyler12

    skyler12
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    also if your straight why are u on this site its for people who need to find other people who they can talk to
     
    #3 skyler12, May 30, 2012
  4. Maxis

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    CocoRose obviously wants to be here and this site is a place for support, mainly for people who are LGBT, but can be for anybody. She has as much right to be here as you do.

    Now CocoRose, first of all, welcome to EC! :grin: I think you made a good decision in coming here, everyone here is very helpful and supportive of one another. :3 Second of all, like Ianthe said, why do you identify as straight if you've fallen head-over-heels for another girl? Any reason? :3
     
    #4 Maxis, May 30, 2012
  5. CocoRose

    CocoRose
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    Hello, thanks for the welcome. :slight_smile: Well I did identify as straight. Or I guess I should say "bi-curious" because I was curious about what it would be like to be in a sexual relationship with a woman. I guess it's kind of trendy now for women to "experiment" with each other and I could totally see myself doing that. I could say I was physically attracted to women, but I had yet to meet a woman who I could really have a deep connection with or have a crush on. Well then I met Leah and all that changed. I have always kept an open mind that it might happen. I'm kind of surprised that it actually did. I'm okay with calling myself bisexual now.

    I hope that answers the question. :slight_smile:
     
    #5 CocoRose, May 30, 2012
    Last edited: May 30, 2012
  6. Ianthe

    Ianthe
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    It does. I was mainly trying to fish out whether we need to help you with basic self-acceptance type things. Identifying with a sexual orientation in clear conflict with the facts is often a sign that someone needs that kind of help.

    Is there anything in particular that you are struggling with?
     
    #6 Ianthe, May 30, 2012
  7. CocoRose

    CocoRose
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    Thankfully I'm not really struggling with any self identity issues right now. It's just that I can't really talk to any of my close friends concerning it because they are Ghanaian. And my family doesn't know. I had originally posted this in the introduction section but it got moved to this forum.
     
    #7 CocoRose, May 30, 2012
  8. BradThePug

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    Hello and Welcome!! It sounds like you are in the right place. It's really hard when you have nobody to talk to about how you feel.
     
    #8 BradThePug, May 30, 2012
  9. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    My first girl-on-girl experience (French kissing) was with my best friend's lesbian sister. I approached her and told her that I'd like to find out what it feels like to kiss another woman. And so we did. I was about 15/16 at the time.

    Not too long following that, I had my first girlfriend (and only one thus far). Things didn't quite work out for us though, as she felt too much pressure from friends and family and even though our relationship wasn't physical (sexual), I still remember her to this day.

    I've now met an amazing young lady who reminds me so much of her. I know it's wrong but they are just so much alike. And I've developed feelings for her. She's straight though as far as I could tell and still very innocent, as she doesn't really pick up on the vibes I send off, and she sees the flirting as nothing romantic... Sucks.

    The other day I met up with the lesbian again and I felt butterflies in my stomach and felt this extreme urge to grab her and kiss her. But I contained myself. I guess once you fall in love with someone those feelings never really subside completely. It's just how you deal with them that makes the difference.

    If I were you, I'd experiment a little bit with your lesbian friend and see where things lead. Maybe the two of you are a perfect match and are happy together. Who knows? If you don't try, you'll never know... :icon_wink
     
    #9 Ruby Dragon, May 30, 2012
  10. silverhalo

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    Hey you are definitely in the right place. It can be really scary when you first discover or acknowledge same sex feelings, especially if you feel the people close around you would not be supportive. EC is an amazing place where you will always find support.

    I think it would be good for you and her to spend some more time together, take things slow but just to go with them and see where it naturally takes you.
     
    #10 silverhalo, May 31, 2012
  11. angelicbabe8

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    :smilewave Welcome Coco!!
    I am sure most of us have had people around us we feel like we cant talk to about these issues, thats why there is a site setup like this because you will get support here
     
    #11 angelicbabe8, May 31, 2012
  12. CocoRose

    CocoRose
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    You guys are awesome! :slight_smile:

    thecat06, thank you so much for the welcome. :slight_smile: Yes it is really hard...I'm chatting with my best friend now and I can't even tell him. That's why I jumped over to the forum. *sigh* I love your avatar btw...Jimmy Fallon is hilarious. Have you seen his Neil Diamond impression when he's singing pop songs? lol

    VelvetBlade, thank you so much for sharing that. :slight_smile: My first time making out with a girl was when I was 13...I was sleeping over at a friend's house and it just kinda happened. lol. I never developed "feelings" for a girl though until now. I'd like to see where things go with me and Leah. I have to admit I fantasize about her a lot. We've flirted on a sexual level, but I've told her that I don't just want to be a friend with benefits. OH! How did I almost forget? I had a talk with a friend today who is also a lesbian. I told her that I think I am in love with another woman. OMG, she was so excited and happy for me! I almost cried. lol. She was happy because she is happy whenever her friends come closer to their happiness, and also she was happy that I was coming out to her. We had a good chat. She told me to take it slow, and to not rush things because women tend to fall fast and sometimes we mistake love for lust. So I will take her advice....I'm so excited to see where things go though. :slight_smile:

    silverhalo, thanks for the advice. I SO want to spend more time with her. lol. I think it will happen. We are talking more and more lately. I hope we can start hanging out more. She has a busy schedule because of school, but I'm sure we can work something out.

    angelicbabe8, thanks for the welcome. :slight_smile: I'm very happy I found this active forum. I feel very blessed to be here.

    Thanks again everyone! Really I am so emotional now...this is such a new journey for me but I know I am on the right path. :slight_smile:
     
    #12 CocoRose, May 31, 2012
  13. silverhalo

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    If we can help in any way just let us know.
     
    #13 silverhalo, May 31, 2012
  14. Christiaan

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    I understand that women have a higher level of plasticity in their sexuality than men, as a general rule. What this means is that, if you are biologically female, you might be more able than a gay man to "bend the rules" to your advantage.

    This is not something universal, though. If you really are thoroughgoingly straight, none of that matters: a deeply entrenched sexual orientation doesn't shift easily or without trauma, and it is usually harmful to try to do so.

    Therefore, you ought to pursue this relationship ONLY if you are confident that you can adapt, mentally, to being in a relationship with a woman. By this, I mean that you need to be able to picture yourself ten years down the road, older, more mature and less vigorous, still living with the same woman, who will have also aged.

    If you do choose to pursue it, I hope that it works out.
     
    #14 Christiaan, May 31, 2012
  15. Mej7

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    Welcome to EC! If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here! :slight_smile:
     
    #15 Mej7, May 31, 2012
  16. BudderMC

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    Welcome! I'm sure everyone else has already given the "helpful" advice, so I'm just gonna chime in with this.

    I read the thread title, but around here, I think we're so used to seeing "I'm a gay/bi person in love with my straight friend!" that seeing the tables turned made me chuckle :lol:
     
    #16 BudderMC, May 31, 2012
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