So, I essentially have 3 people to come out to, and then I'm pretty much officially out. Those three people are my two older brothers and my older sister. I have every intention of telling my sister face-to-face, because I know she'll be super great about it. But when it comes to my brothers, I'm stumped. I'm considering asking my mom to tell them. My brothers and I don't have the sort of relationship where I can sit them down and talk about it, and likewise I can't casually mention it and expect them to understand it and move on. There's 2 things I'm concerned about: 1) It won't feel like a proper coming out since I won't be saying the words "I'M GAY" to them, so I'm afraid I'll still feel like I'm in the closet. 2) The uncomfortable afterwards. Likely neither of them will mention it, so it'll just be this elephant in the room. But it feels so difficult telling them. Thoughts? Opinions? What should my mom say if she does tell them? Thanks so much <3 King x
I recommend writing a letter to come out to your brothers. In fact, make a personalized letter to each one. Explain in those letters why you're doing this way. Take your time on the letters and put as much detail as possible about why you're too uncomfortable to tell them personally. You never know, this might open dialog with you and your brothers.
I don't think it would be a very good thing for your mother to tell them. Like you said, when you see them, it would be a mega-elephant in the room. Nobody would want to bring it up, and it would just be awkward. Even though you're not close with them, I still think it would be best for you to tell them, since they are your siblings. Maybe you could tell all of your siblings at once? That way you for sure have your sister there to support you. You could even tell your brothers through text/phone call or in a private message on Facebook. Hope everything works out!
I think you should avoid having your Mom tell them.. I also think you should write a letter to them if you really don't feel comfortable telling them in person. I still think telling them in person would be best... so I suggest that you sit down with your brothers, your sister and mom. That way you have the support of your family so the rest of your family can accept it.. your mom will help ya out. And if it matters, tell your sister first so she can back you up to.
Tell your sister first, and see what she thinks you should do about your brothers. She'll have a more objective idea than you do about how they will react, but knows them better than we do, obviously. I think that having your mother do it will not help them respect you more, most likely. You could tell them with your mother and sister there.
Gee don't have mom do it! You are 18, it is your life, and you are doing a really adult not kid thing here...I mean it is about you and serious. You don't want your mom to say it all wrong and mess it up. I know how moms talk, and they will take words and move them around until it is watered down or easier for her to handle saying. Come on, if you want to come out, do it with your own mouth...or you can use your hands if you know sign for GAY. (G at chin, both finger tips touching chin.)
I felt the same way when it came time to telling my sibling. Chances are your seeing the worst possible outcome, instead of the more realistic one. As did I, and I wasn't close to my brother either. What eventually happened was that I allowed him and my friend to go threw on my computer, not thinking about what they may find - big mistake aha. So he asked me, which made it alot easier. For me, it is easier when people ask. Maybe it will be for you as well? But there is a very unique bond between brothers, even if you can't see it.
Wow, here I was thinking it was a common thing for people to do. Thank you everyone for your input, I think I'll ask my sister what to do. Thanks again King x
