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The one that got away

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LaurieAnderson, May 30, 2012.

  1. LaurieAnderson

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    So it was about a year ago now that me and my new friend, and potential love interest, saw each other. It was clear that he was interested in me, but at the time I choked and kept my romantic distance. Recently, he's returned to my memory. I keep thinking, gosh, he threw himself at me and I didn't even acknowledge it. It wasnt my imagination, he was gay and into me. How could I be so blind? And now I keep wondering all those what-ifs and thinking about ways to contact him. Unfortunetly he moved away and now lives about an about and a half south of where I do. We have each other on Facebook, but still feel that contacting him over facebook of all things would be exceedingly inappropriate.

    And now, here I sit, wondering if I'm ever going to see him again. Is there anything I can do? I doubt I'll run into him again, yet at the same time I desperately wish I would.

    I haven't been able to move on either, he's become an unhealthy little fantasy of mine.

    I'm here to fish for advice, comfort, hope, cognitive techniques, whatever. Thank you for any input.
     
  2. rainbowfox

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    well, first of all are you just guessing or is he openly gay (or at least came out to you)? are you out to him (or are you out at all)?
    well we all had times that we felt the same, lots of them was about straight guys, which falling with them was harsh and recovering from the wounds had taken lots of time. so before any thing else you should clear that are you sure about that he is gay or not.
     
  3. Gravity

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    Since you already realize that he's an "unhealthy fantasy" for you, the key to this might be figuring out why, in the end, you're so stuck on him. Is he just really cute? Is he the only guy who's expressed any interest lately? Is there something about him that you think complements you well? There are a lot of reasons you could get "stuck" on someone, and depending on what reason or reasons are the case for you, that could change your reaction drastically.

    As far as comfort...not sure this counts, but I think this happens to a lot of people at some time or other. Having one that "got away" is just a different type of relationship experience to get over.

    Since you mention you have him on your facebook, how in touch are you exactly? Do you ever talk/comment on each other's pages, or not really?
     
  4. Deaf Not Blind

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    i get that. :/
    and mine did become FB friend. then i wanted that person to just disappear because nothing is going to happen as he is gay and dating, and he thinks Im a conservative christian girl. yeah, it is the only guy i ever had "unhealthy fantasy" about ever. i had hoped he of all people was a sign i was straight girl! haha! before i knew! i asked him since he writes me so little and i rarely see him if he would like me to just unfriend him...he said no he's busy is all and enjoys reading all my posts.

    does maybe my somewhat similar situation make you feel my empathy and feel less alone?

    dude, if he is single, do it. contact him. not telling will make you feel like me, confused, hurt, not fully able to move on, you need to know...and he deserves to know somebody really cares about him.

    sadly, even if he does not feel same way back, if you don't flat out face to face tell him you won't fully know the truth. find out where he is going to be or tell him to meet you someplace like a park at noon, and just get guts!

    God, i wish i had! i know it sounds stupid, for someone who can't really imagine even a kiss from a man to love a man even after he turns out gay, but it was his soul i loved...i don't even care if half his body was missing or deformed, i just loved him...and maybe now he will never know...because i couldn't get up the nerve to tell him, *, i never met anybody who gets me to think like you do, who cares about animals not dying, you are so different from any person i have ever known, i know you do not feel the same, and you are dating, but i want to tell you I'm glad you exist and i got to meet you, i love you with all my heart, and i always will.

    my advise: don't be a fool man. you only really lose if you never say i love you. do it.
     
  5. LaurieAnderson

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    No, we don't exchange a word on Facebook. I agree.. I want to contact him, but in a way that's natural. I already promised myself if I saw him again I would make the most of it, but again, that seems unlikely and the thoughts seem destructive.
     
  6. Ianthe

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    Actually contact him on Facebook. Believe it or not, that is the basic purpose of Facebook, so that you can contact people you've lost contact with. I'm sure he'll be pleased.

    Is he out on Facebook?
     
  7. Spectre

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    You only live once*. Just message him.




    *unless you believe in reincarnation