1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

competition in relationships

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by confusedlady, May 31, 2012.

  1. confusedlady

    confusedlady Guest

    I've never been in a lesbian relationship but am a bit curious. One thing that I think of though is having an actual type. I don't have a "type" only people that I can relate to and like spending time with. I also sometimes feel a bit jealous, the women I notice are usually girls I want to be like. I remember in highschool my best friend whom I thought I was atttracted to I would still compete with her looks wise. Now I am more comfortable with myself, but I just can't get past the competing thing. Is this normal/weird?
     
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's a little difficult to understand exactly what you're asking, but I think you're asking if most people have a particular "type" of person they go for. And I think the answer to that is no... while there are some people who only date people who are short/tall/same ethnic background/etc, there are quite a few, particularly among younger generations, who are extremely varied in the types of people they find attractive and date.

    Now... if you're talking about competition in relationships in terms of looks and such, I do think some people specifically want someone who is a "trophy" they can show off... but those relationships definitely aren't healthy.

    If I've missed the mark, please clarify and I'll try again :slight_smile:
     
  3. confusedlady

    confusedlady Guest

    1st part helped :slight_smile: thanks. But second part I was a bit confused. For example when I see a woman I think I'm attracted to she's also someone I want to be like. It cases a strain on the relationship because I want to be the better looking one. I'm wondering what I'm going to do if I actually get into a lesbian relationship, ill just be trying to compete with her...this is something that always confused me, I would always ask how could I be gay if I'm trying to be like this person...
     
  4. Tycho

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2012
    Messages:
    140
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ak
    Gender:
    Male
    I think it's safe to say that the competitiveness (looks wise) that you're feeling extends to a lot of female - female relationships (including straight friends)..
    I've actually spoken to a girl who did the exact same things - dated the people she wanted to be, not so much wanted to be with. Eventually she got over it (I think some self discovery was involved) and is in a happy long term relationship.

    So although I can't give you advice on how to avoid this issue I can say it's likely it will pass at some point.
     
  5. confusedlady

    confusedlady Guest

    Yea I'm not sure how to get past this one...I can only see myself getting past this if I were a man. Btw did she still end up liking girls?
     
  6. Tycho

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2012
    Messages:
    140
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ak
    Gender:
    Male
    Her current relationship is with a girl. They're both really happy and she doesn't seem to care even though she considers the girl a lot more attractive than herself. It just doesn't bother her anymore, even though it used to be a huge issue and she'd always discuss her insecurity with me.

    So a complete turn around.