So today my dad said he was starting to have doubts about me being gay It all started with something really stupid. SOmeone passed by with pink pants, and my dad asked me if I would wear those. I said no, so he said good, cause you were starting to scare me. So I said, I wouldnt wear them cause I dont like them, but not for any other reason. And he then aksed me, what was the other reason. I asked him what it was that "scared" him. So he said that someone who wears something like that might look gay (he used a dif word for gay) and I said that wearing pink pants doent make you gay etc.... So he said he was starting to doubt about me, because I defended gays too much. The problem Im having right now is that I feel horrible! He didnt even say it mad, but he sounded like extremley dissapointed. I then said I just dont like to judge people, and he was like "yea youre right, youre right.... so what did you think of Kirsten Stewart in the movie? " :dry: But I feel bad, because I knd of really wished I wasnt gay! I just want to be a straight guy that supports gay rights and stuff, but I know I cant! I just feel really sad right now I feel uncomfortable, I kind of want to tell them already, but I know its going to be extremley awkward, and my life right now is good, except for the fact that Im hiding who I am Im just writting this cause I have nobody else to talk to. It just would be nice to hear to any advice, or just support from someone. And its weird cause one minute Im feeling great about myself, and the next I remember something and I get really sad! and start feeling lonley and all. Really any comment is going to help, I just needed to talk about it.
Kyle, I totally understand how you feel. Being closeted sucks, and staying closeted keeps you stuck in shame, because you're hiding a fairly essential part of who you are. As I've said before, I'm pretty sure both of your parents know. They are desperately hoping it's not true, but they know. But even your dad seems to understand that he shouldn't be bashing gay people, it's as though your mom told him "You've got to stop saying bad things about gay people" and he starts out... and then remembers and corrects himself. So I think it's pretty certain there's something afoot. Why don't you start drafting out a letter, or something you'd read to them, or something you'd memorize and say to them? Even if you decide not to do it, I think it would help clarify your thoughts, and perhaps it would also help clarify whether or not this is the right time to do it. And if you'd like to talk over PM or IM, feel free to message me... sometimes just discussing it with someone can help
If your dad is asking, he's ready to be told. That doesn't mean he won't be upset, but it will go better than you think. Really, he knows already and is in denial just like you kind of are. He is not even very deep in denial. You know, by not telling your family, it's not like you get to have awesome relationships with them. Having the secret is causing all kinds of problems in your relationships with them anyway. Until you tell them, you are all going to be stuck in the same place on this. Once they know, you can all process your feelings on it, and move on. If you come out to them, you will remove the uncertainty, and you can all move out of the denial phase and continue through the rest of the grieving process.
"You defend gays too much" that sounds as though you have conversations like this with your dad a lot. On the plus side, at least that means you are communicating with him, which is much more than some gay youths get. You will have much less pain and frustration if you just tell him instead of dragging it out over a long period of time. He may not be happy about it, but he sounds reasonable, just ignorant and stupid, but not hopeless. Just talk to him as an adult. Also do not wish to be straight. That is just wasted energy, and appeasing all the people you fear will hate you. "Haters gonna hate" regardless of your sexuality. As you grow up, you will realize this, and those that hate you can just go ______ their own _______.
first of all, a big hug (*hug*) I absolutely understand what are you saying being up and down about yourself, I also read your last thread bout your mothers reaction about two Lesbians marriage pic in news, i think they are some how ready for your coming out, I'm not saying you have to do it right now but it's a good situation ---------- Post added 2nd Jun 2012 at 02:50 PM ---------- and hey if you wanted to talk more feel free to send me messages
It seems to me like it's the right time to tell your parents. They're already wondering and talking about it, so why not put the whole situation to rest? Maybe they just want you to tell them and that's your dads way of getting you to react and speak up. It's really good that you stand up for gay people rather than doing the opposite to make your dad think otherwise. It's really annoying when people assume that being gay has to do with what you wear and what movies you enjoy, because I wouldn't wear pink shorts either! Good luck and I hope things work out for you, I think it's time for you to tell them, but ultimately, that is your decisions.
awww thats touching me really its sad to think it in your mind as i do now , you must tell sometime if you wish or hide it but you will have the same feelings !i advice you to hide it a bit more and be ready psycologically!
There is a quote that I like that gives me strength. "What other people think of me is none of my business." You will be who you are no matter what others think, so you might as well not even worry about it. If anyone has a problem with who you are, that is their problem, not yours. I'm not saying you shouldn't care what your parents think of you, but right now they don't even know who "You" are.
If people ask, they generally know - or suspect strongly enough to run the risk of being wrong. I would try and come out, however difficult that may seem at this point. linguafranca
hey. i hope you will be okay today. it feels to me like some days are better some worse. i have not come out face to face anybody abt being transgender. it feels like im always on stage acting a role that makes them and the world get what they expect. personallly i dont wish i was a girl i wish i had been born XY, but i do wish somehow i could accept being a straight female and all that means as it would be logical and easier. but i look in the mirror or even last nights party pictures and i see a smiling nice man. if i play the role in dress and stage makeup i look like it, like in drag. so maybe you feel like me not want a future that is so different than our friends and family. i want my family proud of me not embarassed. i have strongly concidered never fully transitioning and never dating never come out again. i only told 3 people. but i know my actions and manners make people eventually think or ask if im gay. nobody ever thinks i might just be a boy. who would though? at least you are a real man not one trapped in a female gender body!! lucky one way. so here is hoping today you can be happy just being alive and being you. feel free write me.
thankyou all for your answers! they have been really helpful. I havent told my parents yet, and Im still kind of terrified to do it. Whenever I have an opportunity, Im so scared of ruining the moment, cause maybe Im alone with my dad, but I get along with him well, so if I told him, I know everything is going to change too much. I dont want my parents to think Im disgusting or anything.... but after what some of you guys have said, I think it might be something I will have to do sooner or later...
(&&&) I absolutely understand what are you talking about I have been in same situation with my dad, we always been really close to each other, when I came out to him for a period of time some stuff and moments became awkward (moments like commenting on girls in movies and like that or talks about my girl classmates) but now, day by day we became even closer than before coming out will change things? YES, it will make you closer, they will know more about you and ... in the process you are going to give a huge amount of data to them esp to the close ones who think/thought more about your future, you should give them proper time to process that data and the last thing to add, coming out is NOT a duty. you DON'T have to. Doing it relieve you from lots of tension, by time it will do the same for your parents to. and a tip about coming out. you can let the other person do part of it for you. before getting alone tell him that you have an important issue to talk about, and then he wont let it go (of course you should do it when you became ready) and keep us updated
