I feel really embarrassed because I know this is just going to be a huge rant haha but I really need some advice. So I'm 22 and came out to my family 3 and a half years ago and they still don't accept the fact that I'm gay. They made me go to conversion therapy for a year and a half too. They still to this day bring up the fact that if I do not change from gay to straight that they'll disown me. I move back home next week for good because I just graduated from college and I just don't know what to do. I'm already super anxious about moving back home. I know the obvious thing is to find my own place, but I love my family and I don't want to lose them. And especially that I do not have a job yet, I really have no choice. It's just really been stressing me out lately. Like at school, I'm out and everyone is fine with it. It just sucks that the people that I want to accept me the most don't. I feel like I wasted so much time too. I'm only out to 2 friends back home, and I've never had a relationship with anyone because I'm so afraid of what my family would think. So what do i do? haha I know this is really just an unorganized rant, but I could really use some advice/support.
I can't say I understand your dilemma but I do understand what it's like living with parents you don't get along with, and I have friends that dont get along with there parents, everyone who moved out for whatever reason always say after no matter how bad it was at home say that there relationship with there parents is better than it ever was after moving out. I know its not great advice but I hope you can take something from it.
I am sort of in the same boat. My family "accepts" me if I don't talk about it or bring guys home. Many of my friends has told me that the environment I am in is quite "toxic" for my personal development. At first I was shocked and was like "excuse me?". Later on I started to understand what they are talking about. I can't exactly live my life the fullest with these "invisible" rules. I have to for the time being and at times I can "bend" those rules, but I know in order for me to be truly happy I have to move out (sometime in the near future). Planing and taking the first step - Work + Income = Power Being young and not extremely experience in the workforce can be challenging, but with the right attitude and guidance you can do almost anything. Dream big and keep your head held high even though things don't go your way because being young is one of the best assets you have (we got MORE energy, and time to learn to become adaptable to any environment thrown at us). I am not sure what your situation is, but for me if I were to accomplish and accumulate some wealth my family will no longer have any say and will have to "fully" accept (since they are depended on me). It sounds rather objective and money driven and its probably not the ideal way to make them fully accept my sexuality, but I am done pleasing my parents at this point. They need me just as much as I need them and although I do not wish to be so business minded with family, sometimes you need to draw a clear boundary for yourself and know you will not cross over that line because once you do...you become unhappy and just a personal opinion here, but you do live life for yourself, first and foremost, right? (Yes its selfish and frankly its quite okay).
all squally said esp these parts. I think best thing you could do is to find a job, you said you are graduated so there will be lots of opportunities for you
Thanks guys! and what you said is right, I should live life for myself, and its okay to be selfish in that regard. It's just hard for me because I just place everyone else's needs and happiness over my own instead of focusing on myself. That for me will probably be the hardest thing---stepping up for myself and trying to make me happy. Just don't wanna disappoint them ya know
Hi Tails47, You should consider taking the "myra briggs personality test". I'm a lot like you and my personality is the "caregiver". The reason why doing the personality test is so important is because now I know how much I should care and draw a line (and be firm on it) to know when I am "caring" too much and hurting myself.
Keeping your family happy by bending over backwards just to help them believe in a fantasy isn't healthy for them or for you. In this case, it just maintains the illusion for everyone that you are the cause of their unhappiness, when really you're not.
