When do you usually get over an ex?

Different people need different amounts of time.

Do you still talk to him? It might sound cold, but if you do and you want to get over him quicker, you'll have to pick one or the other. You can't have both, I'm afraid it doesn't work that way.

If you don't talk to him anymore, then I guess I'd have to hear more about your circumstances in order to give advice, because I'm not sure what would work as it stands.

 

It's torture, isn't it? Well, for one thing, you are alone. It stank before you met your ex, and it stinks like a polecat now. That's part of why you are unhappy.

Don't try to get away from his ghost, though. In spite of any harsh words you might have had or recriminations, he gave you a part of himself. Learn to treasure his memory. Maybe someday, in several years, you can track him down and start talking to him again. You might become lifelong friends. When you have truly made peace with him, deep in your mind, you will come to look forward to those dreams, or you might even feel a little cheated when you don't get them.

I don't know the details of your relationship with him or the break-up, and I don't have to. Don't think it's all broken eggs with him just because it wasn't an ideal break-up. My husband had a particularly bitter break-up with his ex-guy, a long time ago, with all kinds of jealousy and accusations. I understand it was almost blood-curdling, at the time. After a two-year depression, it took my husband another four years after that to start talking to his ex again. Six years before they even exchanged a postcard. But they did it. They forgave each other.

But here's the clincher: my husband never intended to fall in love with me. Want to know what happened? We went somewhere that he and his ex used to go for a trip, just as friends. He said that he wanted to face some of his old demons, totally unrelated to his ex. Well, we had a few drinks that night. Something happened, and then he had a total meltdown over that, apologizing profusely and crying and stuff. You see, he had had a dream that he was back with his ex, and that whole episode almost caused him a heart attack. My husband and we didn't seriously consider each other as potential lovers until months later.

In my mind, his ex brought me and my husband together, though. I feel like somehow a subconscious part of him came in the form of a living ghost and set me and my husband up with each other, as if to make sure he wouldn't have to be alone. That means a lot to me.

So you don't get over an ex. You make peace with him...or at least his shade. That's the only way that I know of, anyway.

I wish you well.