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Meeting guys in college

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Drakey, Jun 3, 2012.

  1. Drakey

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    So I got an email from my future college roommate last night and that pretty much drove home the point: I'm going to college in August. Only problem is, I don't know how to meet other gay guys :/ Let me say this: I am looking for a relationship, as well as friendships with other gays. But primarily a relationship, because I would love to experience college and share the experience with somebody. I'm quite shy though, and have a very low opinion of myself, so I'm not sure if ANY guy would ever want to date me. I've been passed over by enough gay guys to know where I stand on the food chain. I guess I'm a bit scared of going to a new place with totally new people and spending nine months there >.> Any tips?
     
  2. BradThePug

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    Going to college for your first semester can be really scary. I was in this position last summer. I would try to get involved. Most college campuses have some type of LGBT group (I know the one on my campus is called pride). Also, if you are not comfortable going to a LGBT group meeting yet, just try to get involved on campus. I know that my college has many different common interest groups. Most college's are pretty accepting places nowadays, so most of the time college students (that are out) are pretty open about their sexuality.
     
  3. Hawthorne

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    This is somewhere I can weigh in on being a junior in college! What thecat06 said is exactly the advice that you need just do things on campus. I myself found a group of friends some gay some straight and we all hang out together and do things, but I also am not out to them at all and I believe that it might be bad if I did at the current time. But the point is get involved you will meet someone, believe me I did even though he has to be a secret...
     
  4. Deaf Not Blind

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    I'm going to live in a dorm also in august. I'm scared they will learn right away I'm not a straight female. i can't wear girl stuff, just no more acting. i wear a binder daily, if you friend me i posted a pix from last night, how everybody thinks that can be a lady idk! but new people not have past memories of me in a lady get-up, and i feel it harder to no slip out hints like tiny flirts with girls and saying I'm a man. I'm not sure what will happen! do i want to start dating girls? do i want to try to live like a girl...but dress male? i am wanting to take my prosthetic penis! how?? i will get caught even if just in dorm! but how can i go without it until Christmas? my heart urges me to go find a cute straight girl and hit on her...but my mind says stupid you can't do that!!
    ugh...
    i know men are gonna ask me out...what can i do to hide and be happy? arg!
     
  5. BudderMC

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    First off, stop selling yourself short. You're cute, sound like a cool guy, and are headed off to college. I'm sure you'll find someone. :slight_smile:

    Anyway, I understand what you say when you want to share this with someone. But I'm going to advise not against finding a relationship, but actively seeking one out. Here's why:

    You're going to a new place. You're going to have lots of new responsibilities. You're probably going to be living away from home, possibly far away. You're going to make lots of new friends. You're going to find lots of new clubs and activities to join. You're also going to learn just how to manage all the responsibilities and privileges being "free" from your family has. And yeah, all that sounds awesome.

    So, if your transition to college is going to be busy enough as it is, why add the extra stress of finding a guy on top of all that? I was kind of where you were, except I was more worried about making friends rather than finding a boyfriend. And the one piece of advice I got that I stuck to and really helped me was to just not worry about it. Focus on everything else: get on top of your schoolwork, get involved with your residence activities/campus life, find some cool clubs to join up with. If you keep yourself busy with everything else, not only will you be too caught up with the other things to worry about being lonely, but you'll also make friends (and network) in the process. And through that networking is how you're eventually going to meet a guy anyway, right? I'm sure joining whatever LGBT group you've got on campus just helps with that. :slight_smile:

    All that said, keep in mind that by going to college, your "fish pond" becomes waaaaay larger. There are tons more people - consequently tons more gay guys - for you to meet. It really is an opportunity to find people that connect with you. I find in high school I had a lot of friends, but none of them were really "close". Here at university, I probably have the same (if not less) friends, but a lot of them are closer because we share the same interests.
     
    #5 BudderMC, Jun 4, 2012
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2012
  6. Ben

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    I've only been to the LGBT society a few times at uni, but most of the gay guys and lesbians I've met and befriended (including a boyfriend), I found around and about, not through LGBT. If you just get to know people and find people with common interests, you'll find yourself regularly bumping into gay guys. So unless you go to LGBT, where you will definitely find lots of gay guys, you meet them just like you meet everyone else!
     
  7. Ianthe

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    This only works for extroverts. If you are introverted or shy, it's a good idea to go out of your way. (I never meet anyone unless I make a point of it.)
     
  8. Drakey

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    thanks for the advice guys! I suppose it is true that I'll encounter more gay people in the larger "fish pond" of college. Budder, that's some good advice, I guess instead of seeking it out I'll play it cool and keep myself available. It's true when they say that people can randomly meet xD
     
  9. Deaf Not Blind

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    huh, really? cuz i see a ton of lesbians everywhere in portland and vancouver. i guess it must be your area that not as many?
     
  10. TobyKVMO

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    I have a suggestion. Don't only seek out the normal and typical resources for gay living. Just because everyone else goes to the bar doesn't mean you have to, if you don't want to. Thankfully now that we have the internet, you have access to so many more resources. Seek out people who share your own interests. Be real, and be true to yourself. And never sell out! That is my recommendation! :slight_smile: