I know sexuality is fluid, and sticking a label on yourself is strictly optional but this question has crossed my mind so many times. Now that I've come to terms with being bisexual, and am beginning to want to come out to more people, I wonder if at a later stage I can "change" it to full-blown lesbian should I find relationships with women more satisfying and fulfilling. I've had numerous relationships with men, all sexual and to be honest, I never really felt a true connection. It was like sex was more like a chore and I seldom got pleasure from it (couldn't "finish" in most cases, with a few exceptions). It was as though my mind switched off and I was in it physically but psychologically I was absent. Hope that makes sense. I think this may be that deep down I was kidding myself, into being what society wants me to be (straight) and I just can't be happy being with a man emotionally, romantically or physically. So what I want to know now is, is it possible for someone to go from being bisexual to full-blown lesbian? I'm not talking about the label, I mean the gender preferences.
Yes, it's definitely possible. And maybe you are still questioning, so give it time and you will sooner or later find out who you really are Good luck!
Well, I first came out as bisexual when I was 18. I dated a guy, had kids, but then after that something changed. I tried so hard to pretend like I was happy being with him, but every time strangely enough, during my menstral cycle I became extremely emotional. I'd push him away, I lost interest in sex, and I didn't love him anymore. Anytime that we would have sex, I was drunk majority of the time. I was in deep denial and extremely depressed because I thought that I could change. He made me feel terrible most of the time until I couldn't take it anymore. I was drunk one night and I confessed to him that I was gay. Long story short, once I became comfortable in my own skin, everything clicked for me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I love women, not men and I tried so hard to force my attraction towards men, but oh no lol. The term bisexual doesn't feel right at all because I cannot fall in love with a man nor do I like having sex with men. I dislike intercourse, it's so dissatisfying and extremely uncomfortable.
I'm the same way. Because of all the "failed attempts" at deriving pleasure from it and seeing that only the man got anything from it I've now grown to really dislike sex. The thought of it makes me feel sick to my stomach because in the back of my mind I know that it won't be a pleasurable experience for me. One of my friends is trying to get me hooked up with her nephew but I don't know how to tell her that I'm just not into one-night-stands nor am I interested in sex (with a man). I fantasize more about sex with another woman and the idea is really pleasing to me. I'm not sure if this is just a phase I'm going through, or if this is the real deal and I'm finally starting to "transition" into who I truly am
Yes, it's almost like you're trying to put pieces to a puzzle that do not fit together. Just embrace however you're feeling at the moment and accept it, do not deny your feelings. That's been my biggest regret; I'm 25 now, and I finally feel like I have everything figured out. I can finally look in the mirror and proudly say, ”I'm gay.” It's such an amazing feeling because I've come so far; I mean, I was miserable just last year. I never thought I'd ever feel the way that I do now. I give thanks to the amazing supportive people in my life. Life is too short and I'm not getting any younger lol.
Lol you put it so well It's not that I deny my feelings, but in my paranoid mind I keep thinking, what if this is just a phase I'm going through on my road to self-discovery? I've come to terms with being bisexual but now I'm starting to question whether I'm really bisexual, or actually a complete lesbian... And that scares me to some extent. Hard to explain. I guess I'm just really insecure at the moment and feel "lost" and incomlete. I hope the feeling goes away soon because it's messing me up
Being bisexual is not being an incomplete lesbian. It's not better than being a lesbian. It isn't less queer than being a lesbian. It is less likely for you to really go from bisexual to lesbian than to simply stop being in denial about being a lesbian. Most people who think it's easier to accept being bisexual are actually gay; bisexuals think being gay is easier. When you are in denial, your mind plays tricks and wants you to go with the one that isn't true. All of your interest appears to be in women.
It's only as simple as it is to accept yourself completely. If other people would accept you completely, what would you come out as?
Well, the reality is, no matter what label you pick as a best fit for how you feel right now...it might not fit forever. That's the way it is with everything. There could be an exception to your rule, you might find that your attractions are different than you thought they were...whatever. But you don't lose your street cred for changing your label. It's not like you have to carve it into stone and then regret it if something isn't how you previously thought it was. So, really, there's nothing to be paranoid about. You've already accepted your attraction to women. That's actually the hard part. If you feel like you're bisexual now, then that's what you should go with. If you feel like that's not right later on, then you should adjust your label to go with what you feel like then. It's not like you'll get in trouble. In the meantime, there's no sense in borrowing trouble. Take a couple of deep breaths, try on some words like "bisexual" or "lesbian" and see how they feel. Examine your attractions casually when you see attractive people in public. No pressure. You're going to be fine and it'll all be clear eventually. (*hug*)
If I understand you correctly, you mean to say I'm leaning more toward the lesbian side than bisexual (or straight for that matter) side? Because, to be honest, at this moment I can see myself with a woman much rather than with a man. Whether it's my "switch" that's changed to the other "side" of my bisexuality or whether I'm actually starting to accept my gayness, either way, as the song goes "I'm coming out so you better get this party started" - Whatever the initial meaning of those words, I own it now. :lol: If others accept me completely, I'd come out as a full-blown lesbian... (Heck, I think I just answered my own question) That was the easiest part for me... I've battled with it since puberty and it just seems so natural to me, so accepting it was easy. I think the only reason I want to (and am) come out as bisexual is because I'm still in denial to some extent. I am unsure and I fear the unknown. It's unfamiliar territory for me and running all sorts of scenarios through my mind just makes it worse. I guess this is what most women go through before they finally come out completely with their heads (and middle fingers) held high... I didn't come out to a lot of people yet, so once I have the makeover done I can come out as a lesbian if I really choose to. I think by then I will really feel comfortable. I think it's necessary for me in order to get the confidence I need to come out to friends and family. Right now I still feel too feminine and that makes me so incredibly uncomfortable it's not even funny. My wardrobe is a mess because I have too many girly clothes so I think once I have a complete new wardrobe things will also be different and I will be able to really embrace the new me. This place is awesome and has helped me tremendously thus far
Hope you dont mind me joining this convo? i posted a thread pratically identicle to this one yesterday Im questioning wether i am just bi or lesbian? dont get me wrong if it comes to a lady or man id find the women the most hottest and want to date, ive never been able to look down the street and say gor hes hot! its just never happend, when i came out as bisexual i felt a little more atttracted to men and can for about a week i was like yeh hes kinda hot but was also like wooahhhh shes hot!!!!!!!!!!!, i think becuase i had been in denial for so long and felt if i was lesbian i would let me parents down and bla bla bla bla do coming out bi seemed the best option because its still gives dad a hope that i may switch and like men. but atm i can confirm i like women not men! but then the bit that confuses me is that in my past i have had sexual relationships with men and i have enjoyed the sex but never was 'fulfilled' and there was no PAZAZZ to it. When i first encounted my very first girl to girl sexual encounter it was amazing it felt right and natural and i loved it i felt intamite - something ive never really felt before - but then i do get paranoid aswell and am like but then did i? well, im not sure i think i enjoyed the one night stands but then i was trying ot fit in i wouldnt allow myself to gay, untill a year ago when i came out as bi. ive never had a bf more than 2 months and although he could turn me on it could be anyone turning me on i guess to put blunt it was the feeling of the sex i enjoyed not who i was having it with. but with this women it was amazing, i didnt get bored and it was exciting. im really struggling becuase i think i owuld feel sooooooooo much more comfortable coming out as lesbian but then im scared of being rediculled for not being a "propper" lesbian or incase i do fall in love with a man! i very very vyery very much doubt it as i dont find them attractive especially not the ummmm yerrrr!!!!!!!!! sorry for this being a bit detailed just need to get out it out of my head.
This is exactly how I felt. It was more a "mechanical" act, my mind too "switched off", as if I wasn't able to stay focused, and I was rarely able to have an orgasm (only when I focused only on my own pleasure and I touched myself with a hand), while when I watch porn (lesbian porn) I could just hear girls moaning and I can "finish" in a few seconds :icon_redf ahaha...this has happened for 10 years, since my first time till now, and I have slept with many different guys (because I was never happy, always searching for something different), so it wasn't a problem of the inability of a particular guy to turn me on, it was my problem!
yes!!!!! exactly!!!!! it sounds really really bad but i saw them as an object its the sex i liked not the penis or the man!!!!!!!!! with my ex i was...how can i put this?....in need to be satisfied but it was the feeling no the intamacy i kinda liked i guess! i did get turned on by him just sitting next to be but i guess i saw sex as a action rather than love making????:icon_redf but then the fact that i have been turned on by men does this mean i cant be a lesbian? im soooooooooooo confused. give me a choice of a man or a women and im a women 100% i dont find men attractive i know what an attractive man looks like but i dont think he is attractive - my ex for example i loved him as a friend and a friend with benifits but there was no intimacy there i tried but i dont think it was there. l i dont mean to be vulgar just trying to say it how it is :eusa_doh:
