So I came out to 3 of my friends, and guess what, I was freaking wasted, and I mean wasted. I have not touch alcohol ever since. Even though all three of them were cool with it, but I was not ready and I regret very much until this day. But now I had became more and more miserable because of all these lies that i made up for myself. I even attempted suicide and was admitted to the hospital for some time. Been in and out of my college's psychologist's office. Even though the guy made me feel a little bit better by saying what doctors suppose to say, but that does nothing to my damaged emotion (I was over 18 so family members know that i was in the hospital but I did not allow the hospital to disclose the information about suiciding). Even though now I feel like I am a little more ready (but not to family, and I dont think if I ever will be ready to tell my family that I am gay), how should I do this. For some reason, the "first" person I wanted to come out to was one of my good friend back in hs (who also very religious, but i think he also very loving). I really have no idea how he is going to react. But should I just say what hell and go for it, I mean I don't think i have anything to lose anymore? Would it be ok if I tell him through facebook messages? because i dont know if i could do it on the phone. I am really scare and feel like everything that i built the last 19 years is going to collapse.
well I prefer to observe all of the other persons reaction, so i prefer face to face coming out about the first person, I think it is better to come out to a person who is supportive in LGBT area, you can come out to that religious friend of yours later but first, I think creating a support net of friends who are supportive would be a better idea. esp girls are perfect in this situations. so I suggest, first come out to some girl close friends (as many as you want) then find out about your other friends idea about gay people, if he was supportive then come out to him and something really important, you will NOT collapse any thing, you will stay the same guy you always was, you are just showing a hidden part of your identity to others, which is beautiful too don't worry about it a lot give yourself as much time you need, visit EC as much as possible and make some friends here, these will help you in the process and last thing to add, before any other step, you should embrace and love who you are, after that all the steps will become easier we are all here for you (&&&)
I don't know--some religious people are supportive of us, while others are not. But if he's not supportive of gay people, if he believes that god disapproves, then he can do you harm even trying to be nice, and you might want to find someone whose support you can be certain of. But if he's the person you feel safest telling, you should go for it. Facebook messages are fine, I did my first coming out that way. The only thing is you are left waiting for a response in suspense. Do you know if he is on Facebook regularly? Can you talk to the three friends who supported you before?
The girl is completely fine with it but the two guys are just "ok" with it as ling we dont talk about it. And I personally dont want to talk to them about this because I came out by mistake and was not ready for it. These two guys are like those who are straight as arrows who go to gym, talk about girl as much as they have time to, make gay jokes, they just became a little considerate when I am around but not the perfect people for me to pour out my heart. The reason I wanted to let that religious guy know because when I was in the hospital, I lied to him and said it was my old sickness turned bad and that was the reason. He said he pray for me and I feel really bad for lying to him about my suicide attempt. I really dont know how he would react to this and he might just bash me or just say it's ok. I really dont know anymore, part of me want to be safe, part of me not wanting to lie anymore. After the hospital incident, both my emotional and physical part are heavily damaged and I could feel my body is slowly dying from my reckless act (I took a lot of pills). I know this sound really stupid and depressing but I just want to be happy for whatever I have left now.
Though i am a few years younger than you, i've been exactly the same situation, friend and family wise and all i can say to you is to take it slow. No one is forcing you to come out. When I did, it was only to one person and i didn't tell another person for 5 months. Currently, i have come out to about 7 people (in span of 5 years) excluding my parents and its been getting better. For you and the way your feeling, i say that you should have gone one at a time, the first time to someone you really trust and then just build from that. Personally, I think that asking for help here was a smart move and i i'd known about this sight earlier, i would have done the same thing. Parentwise, and i know a lot of people might not agree with this, but i think that if your parents are really judgemental about gay people, don't come out to them at all unless it is absolutely necessary. i believe that, towards some people, some things are better left unsaid. Just know that I'm a gay christian and i support you all the way. Overall, don't force yourself to come out people. Its your own thing and you decide whether you're ready or not. With your religious friend, i would only tell if you're 85% sure he won't hate you for being gay. From your description, he sounds like a really nice person but i would still be a little cautious about it. Best wishes.
Wait--do you think you are dying? What? Did the pills kill your kidneys or something? I think if you come out to him in connection with the suicide attempt, you probably have a pretty good chance of at least a moderately good reaction. He sounds like a nice person, and it's likely that the suicide attempt will make him think about things. I think you can go ahead and tell him. Someone like you describe might not be accepting of homosexuality, per se, but he's not going to cut you off for it. He'll be the "hate the sin" type. If he tries to suggest some kind of ex-gay thing, tell him your psychiatrists strongly recommend against it for someone who has been suicidal, because people in those programs are at high risk for suicide. (Even if you haven't talked to your doctors about it, that is the consensus of the mental health field.) Also tell him what happened with your friends you told before, and let him know that he's the first person you've ever told intentionally. Whatever his opinions are about God's will regarding gay people, I think it's unlikely that he will abandon you in such a serious crisis. (Not that no one would, but your description of him leads me to think not.) I think it's a good idea to come out to someone about being gay, and about the suicide attempt. You really need emotional support. Ideally, the person you came out to would be fully supportive. But if the best you can do is someone who "won't agree with the gay lifestyle," but will still love you, I think that's better than your current situation, in which you aren't reaching out to anyone. So, if this is the person you feel like you can reach out to, I think you should do it. Maybe you could also consider calling the girl and telling her what's going on with you. Is she not a close friend of yours?
Thank you for all the comments. No, I dont think i am dying. I had my stomach pumped in time but I think it still cause my liver to be damaged but the doctor said I should not expect the worst thing. Anyways, I talked to the girl a few times about it and to be honest, she probably one of the people that I was sorta glad that I accidentally came out to because now I know at least one person in the world still love me for who I really am, she even offer to come with me to LGBT meeting if I wanted to but I am still scare of coming out. Not that I don't want to, but I am really really scare. My whole high school years, I didn't make one single good friend you know. now I am in college and was SO happy that I met so many people, but every single time I was going to do it, the thought of them leaving me is just unbearable . Well I guess i do really need to rethink about telling this religious friend then. P.S random question but hypothetically speaking, if I met someone in the future, do you think he would care if I dont take him home? I mean I barely even talk to my mom myself and to be honest I dont really care if she disown me or anything since I been living by myself for almost two years now. But i just think is it worth it to let him meet someone from my family who is homophobic?
I don't think that most would care. I wouldn't, but I'm bias because I fall into the same situation as you. I'm not that close with my family, my parents both have health issues and probably won't be around much longer, so what is the point anyway. Some think that is being cowardice, but they leave me alone and I leave them be. I wasn't raised by them so I don't much care what other people think about it.
