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Could she have "turned me gay"?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sayu, Jun 4, 2012.

  1. Sayu

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    I believe that sexuality is something you are born with, though maybe it can be influenced by a sexual abuse in early age or something like that. I keep asking myself if my sexuality was influenced by an experience with a person I met through the Internet. This may be a bit long story, but I would highly appreciate if anybody of you guys replied. So, this is the story:

    I have always been a tomboy, I guess ever since I was born. But in my early teens I had a few really strong crushes on boys. When I was fifteen, I met a boy on the Internet who I thought was perfect and amazing and I immediately fell in love with him. We were on a chat a lot, he told me he had a girlfriend which made me sad and envious. After like month since we've met (when I was totally in love with him, more and more everyday), he told me he was, in fact, a girl. She was a lesbian. I remember myself being really depressed the following two days, I admitted to him that I had a crush on him. You see? I still write "him" instead of "her". I didn't fully realize he was a girl that time. But after few months when I actually started to call him "her", I was still deeply in love with this boy/girl. And since then I have only had same-sex crushes (actually I liked a lot of boys, but I didn't love them).

    What happened in my mind/heart/soul that day when I found out I was in love with a lesbian? Could she have turned me gay? Or did she just "open my eyes"? I remember myself (before I met her) saving a picture of a girl from the internet that I thought was "cute" and had a "cool photo". Do you think I did in fact like her (I would say now that I did), but had not yet come to the terms with my sexuality?

    But what about my straight crushes? Why did they stop? Why can't I imagine now being with a boy and just fantasize about a same-sex relationship? I mean, I accept myself for who I am, but I still have to ask, whether I would have fallen in love with these girls if I hadn't met her...

    Thank you for all your responses! (&&&)
     
    #1 Sayu, Jun 4, 2012
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2012
  2. Danninic7

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    No, no one can turn you gay. What can happen and this is a concept you can research, you can be experiencing the beauties of sexual fluidity. Sexual fludity is not about being gay, bi, or straight.

    If you believe that you orientation is straight, then the sexual fluidity concept is the idea that you can respond to stimuli (a person of the same sex, erotica, research, unexpected emotions) that allow you to respond to the person before you, not so much to the gender that the person has.

    Keep in mind that I am not a sex therapist or a true expert. I think you should google Lisa Diamond. She wrote a book on Sexual Fluidity. I hope this helps.
     
  3. Yeah, she didn't turn you gay. That's pretty much not something that happens.

    I don't know anything about sexual fluidity, but I do know that figuring out what your sexual orientation is hard sometimes and most of the time, if you figure out that were wrong about what your sexual orientation is, it's because most people grow up thinking they're straight--and some people aren't.

    Your sexual orientation has nothing to do with how you express your gender (being tomboyish, as you say). And if you are feeling genuine attraction to girls now, it's unlikely that you are straight.

    Also, if it's true that you're bi/gay/whatever then you would likely have figured it out with or without this girl you like. She's just a catalyst of self-discovery.
     
  4. Sayu

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    Actually, I don't believe I'm straight. I think I'm a lesbian instead and I'm fine with it. This question has just been stuck in my head for so long that I just had to ask even if I know that it may sound stupid. Anyway, thank you! (*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 5th Jun 2012 at 06:45 AM ----------

    Thanks! That's mostly what I thought, I just wanted to "be sure" or whatever... :thumbsup: