Raining on the Parade

On the sixteenth, there's going to be a pride parade-festival in the city near where I live. Seems almost too good an opportunity to pass up since it's been somewhat difficult trying to find any LGBT groups, clubs, organisations around here [which aren't for students at least.]

However, despite the opportunity it provides in finding out about any of the aforementioned [and the fact I'm pretty sure no one can think of a reason one shouldn't take it,] I still have reservations.

Earlier, I watched a video from the one they had last year and for some reason I began to feel a bit overwhelmed, anxious and uncomfortable. I know that sounds odd, but thinking of myself being there, if only as a spectator, just felt like it would be too much. Ideally, I'd wanted to try to connect to the community gradually through a group, not a whole freakin' parade. Also, there's something a bit weird about a small 'town' pride parade. Not a huge enough crowd to lose yourself in, give yourself a bit of anonymity but still enough to feel like there are too many strangers around you [if it isn't obvious by now, I'm very socially awkward.]

On top of that, I'm pretty sure I won't go if I had to go by myself [if only because I'm not used to travelling there and back.] But the only people I'm out and thus who I could ask are my mother and a friend. In a way I would feel less awkward if my mother would and could go, she's scheduled to work that day so I don't know if she could get the day off, but still . . . it's my mother. The friend is my only real life one at the moment and in a way, I would just feel awkward if only because we're 'close' friends by default rather than I feel close to and/or have alot in common with him.

I'm not even sure why I'm saying all this, what I'm asking or what I hope anyone to tell me. Honestly, I'm nervous enough just thinking about bringing it up to my mother, not to mention I still have reservations about the thought of going at all. I'm not one for parties/parades/fairs/festivals/concerts/etc. in general [basically, I'm not a fun person,] but I hate how this seems to be two of my biggest concerns [coming out of my shell and trying to embrace my sexuality] colliding together and I don't know what to do.

Know it doesn't sound like it, but for me there are too many emotions flowing through my head right now [and it's still just a little under two weeks away.] :tears: :bang:

 

Yes, I definitely intend to ask her at the very least, probably tomorrow since it should be the first chance I'll have to talk to her, alone, in the last couple days.

Even though she is my mother, I don't really look forward to asking her about it because we honestly haven't talked much about this issue since I came out to her.

 

Before I reply, an update. Well, I finally asked my mother earlier today while in the car [for some reason, that always seems more relaxing . . . ] and the only thing that bothered her was the fact that I didn't let her know sooner. Said she needs to inform about time off two weeks beforehand or something like that. However, she said she'd be willing to go after she's off work [three o'clock on Saturdays,] and presumably the thing will be running for awhile that day.

Epipileptic: I know that I can't be picky in this situation and the main reason I want to go is so that I can, hopefully, get some information on any and all relevant organisations in one place. Don't care so much I like it so much as that I don't hate it. (Haha.)

TheEdend: Well, volunteering for a group for the festival, let alone to march, might be a little short notice but it is something I'd consider in the future when, presumably, I'm more comfortable with being gay. However, I'm gonna try to find out as much as possible beforehand what groups will be there, so I can have an idea of where to go and what to expect.

MC: You know, I would actually like that opportunity to go to a club [not to 'do' anything just to experience being around other LGBTs in a private setting,] but if I were in your shoes I'd probably be feeling just as overwhelmed at the thought as well. :\

Yeah, I'll probably do something like that. Just focus on learning what different groups there are in the area. I really thought it'd be easier to find out about them, but then again this isn't exactly a major metropolis we're talking about . . .

As far as my friend, I might just consider him a backup option [though I've still got to bring it up to him in that case,] it's just that I don't think we're really used to hanging out anywhere other than at each other's house so I think a pride festival might seem a little too much. Maybe it's just 'cause I feel that while he's a good guy, we aren't really similar at all, personality-wise, in terms of interests, etc. and at the moment I'd rather make friends I could feel close to. I feel like an awful person for saying that, though.

Deaf: Hey, there are no restrictions on advice. Take it where you can get it.

Just hope I don't find out you haven't gone and I have in that case.

 

Ah, I see. Assume you've never hung out at a bar/went out drinking in public before? [Honestly, I haven't either so I kinda get what you're saying.] You're probably right that it would be easier in stretching your comfort zone in one area before tackling the other first. But I hope things will turn out well.

Thanks and no it wasn't, but still a bit uncomfortable at the thought of attending with her [despite what's already been said by others.] Plus, it's easier to say, "Ok, go meet some people," than it is doing it. Socializing has always been hit and miss for me, probably more the latter than the former. On top of that, I don't want to set my hopes too high on trying to make some new acquaintences when it probably won't happen.

---------- Post added 6th Jun 2012 at 02:03 PM ----------

(Haha,) thank you, I appreciate it.

Though it'd be better if I was meeting EC'ers rather than a whole other group of LGBT strangers. :lol:

---------- Post added 6th Jun 2012 at 02:06 PM ----------

I would like to go by myself, but at this time, unfortunately, I'm not too familiar with the area to get there and back without getting lost [awful with directions.] Still, as nerve-wracking as it may be, I imagine that being able to go by yourself is still more relaxing because you have to find a 'liferaft' to cling to rather than bring one [ie someone to accompany you that you desperately stick by because you're too afraid to talk to strangers.]

Since you're also a shy/socially awkward person I have to ask, how did you adjust to the chaos of the crowds? All the people, music, noise and so on?

 

Unfortunately I hadn't thought about that at the time, on top of which I'd actually been having difficulty trying to find a moment to ask her privately the last few days and yesterday was the first chance I'd had since considering attending the festival.

The parade starts at eleven in the morning, I believe [will have to double check.] However, if I did end up attending with my friend, there wouldn't be much of a point having my mother come, from my perspective. Also, I'm not focusing so much on attending the parade as at least going to the festival during/afterwards, seeing any booths they may have [unless there's something important to miss in the parade itself, which I doubt.]

But now I'm wondering whether my mother will be up to going at all after work, since naturally she'll want to relax. At any rate, I may bring this point up to her soon rather than brood about potentialities.

 

That's what I'm banking on at the moment and hoping will be the case. However, I'm convinced we come from a line of emotionally ambiguous people, so I'm not entirely sure how what I said impacted her yesterday.

Anyway, guess I'll see when I bring up the point soon.

 

Only buses around here, but I've never taken one. But since I'm probably going to attend with my mother, I think that's an issue for another time. It is something I want to get accustomed to, though, especially if I ever go to a larger city in the future.

Ah, I imagine it must've felt more relaxed after the parade and the crowd dispersed [honestly, I think the parade itself would've made me more nervous than the festival (Haha.)] Still wish there would be a larger crowd, so I could have that vague sense of anonymity. In any case, I hope there'll be that feeling of fitting in as well.

 

Actually, I already did watch at least one video of last year's pride, that's partly what spurred me to creating this thread in the first place. Just had completely mixed emotions about going, though it focused more on the parade than the festival, I will admit.

I can definitely imagine being more relaxed being at a pride festival further away from where you live, less of a chance of anyone who may recognize you there. Hopefully I'll feel like I fit in, can't really say I feel comfortable anywhere [and not just regarding this issue.] >_> And yes, the festival itself isn't much of a bit deal, everyone's just hanging around whereas the parade seems like a non-stop performance, to me I'd probably feel tense and anxious wondering, "Ok, when's this gonnna be over with?"

You could probably just skip the parade and go to the festival part, but it is a major city so it might be difficult for someone to spot you on the local news [people don't do 'Where's [Name Here?]' with pride footage, I believe.] If you do end up going, hope you have just as good a time as with the other two festivals.