My mom has a boyfriend... and I think he's gay... uhhhh

Well, I'm sure you know the "he's not necessarily gay because he's feminine" bit, so I'll save you from that.

But what exactly are you upset about? Is it the fact that she was dating someone without you knowing, or just the fact that there's another guy altogether?

And I instinctively wanted to say "well, you should just talk to her, no matter how hard it is", but if your relationship isn't close, then I know how it can be hard. Are you not close because of something she's done, or because you were distancing yourself? The terms of your relationship kinda affects how you approach this (at least I think so).

But the bottom line is, if she's your mom and she cares about you, no matter how awkward it is (despite the relationship issues) you should be able to talk to her truthfully about your concerns and she should be able to at least hear you out. Though I guess it's not like that for everyone. :/

 

Femininity is definitely not enough grounds to interfere in their relationship, really. You can tell her what you think, but you might want to phrase it something like, "Well, he seems kind of gay to me, but I'm recently out, so I still kind of see gay everywhere." Definitely include an acknowledgement that it's not based on clear evidence of homosexuality.

Or, instead, maybe when he's around you could ask him if people think he's gay very often, since he kind of fits some stereotypes about it. Say it's interesting to you as a gay guy, that people have these stereotypes and they are wrong a lot of the time. Ask him what his experience of it has been. (If he seems as gay as you say he does, you won't be the first person to ever mention it.) Presuming he's straight, the conversation should be interesting, and it will give your mom the clue that you think he seems kind of gay.

Regarding your mom not telling you for six months, from her perspective, she just doesn't want to confuse you by introducing her to every guy she ever goes on a date with. She only wants to introduce them to you if she's serious about them. If you want her to feel like she can confide in you about her feelings and tell you what's going on in her life as she's dating men she hasn't made decisions about yet, you can tell her that. But if you have a hard time hearing about her feelings for men, she's not going to want to tell you unless it's serious.

If you want to have a closer relationship with her, you can talk to her and tell her that it's important to you that you and she are able to tell each other things. It will have to be reciprocal though: you have to tell her about your life too.

Ok, so all that up there ^^ was based in part on me thinking you were out to your mother already. But when I went back to an earlier thread, I realized that you might just be out to one friend of yours, and your mom doesn't know.

That being the case, what you can do to be closer to your mom is obvious: you can come out to her.

Go talk to her and tell her that you don't feel like you are as close to her as you used to be, and you think that the reason is that both of you have been keeping secrets. (This is the reason you don't feel as close as you used to be: neither of you has been sharing the truth about your lives with the other.)

Tell her that you want her to tell you in the future when she's dating someone, even if it's not serious, even if it's someone she just met--because you care about her and you want to know what's going on in her life. And you want to be able to tell her what's going on with you too, but you've been afraid to. And then come out to her.

Try not to be too mad that she didn't tell you for such a long time. She was afraid to for some reason. You know what it's like to be afraid to tell someone something.

 

^Agreed. You mom didn't tell you because she wanted to be sure about this guy before introducing him into your life. And yes - tell your mom that you're gay if you want a closer relationship with her.