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Cant find myself!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by CAB334, Jun 4, 2012.

  1. CAB334

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    I have known I was bisexual all my life, but up until 14 i didnt know it was real. I always thought you had to choose. At 15 I came out to people I cared about. Now at 17 im finding myself stuck. People said I never act bi, wich is correct. Even though i told people I never really opened up to be myself. Lately its been a real weight on my shoulders. On the inside i am a totally different person than I lead on to be, because im still scared of ridicule. I need help opening up, to be myself. Its killing me on the inside, and I had to find help. I even dress in clothes that I dont feel like myself in. I just wanna be me for once in my life, show my freinds and family who ive strongly felt like for years. Please help me. Im stressed and breaking down. I need to be Caleb, and no one else. I wanna stop hiding behind this fake smile, hard-ass attitude, and baggy clothes. I know who I am, but I dont know how to cope with the criticism of changing right before my senior year. I just wanna be me. Alot of the trouble is opening up about my sexuality, because just telling people obviously isnt all of it.:icon_sad:
     
    #1 CAB334, Jun 4, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 5, 2012
  2. Lad123

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    Hey Caleb, first of all its against the rules to give your last name because it allows people to "identify you or contact you off-site". You will probably just get a warning rather than a ban since you're new but I'm not sure.

    If you want to be yourself then just be yourself :slight_smile: Dress how you want and forget about those baggy clothes! Its not like you are coming out or anything right? Unless you were thinking of wearing pride rainbow colours. So just buy the clothes that you want to wear and tell everyone that you fancied a change of wardrobe. You already came out as bi so its not like they would think you were weird or gay. Anyway, dressing well doesn't mean you are gay, thats just a stereotype which is becoming obsolete because guys are more into fashion and grooming these days. Heck its difficult to tell who's gay anymore with all the metrosexuals emerging :lol:

    About the being yourself part, I know its tough to hide who you are and the fear of ridicule is playing on your mind but there really is no rush to dive-bomb into it. You could wait till you start college and be who you are then because the maturity there compared to high school is completly different. You will find that people in college are more accepting and don't mind about others sexualities.

    Stay strong! (*hug*)
     
  3. Deaf Not Blind

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    wow.
    well i am pretty sure sadly i am transgender, as i read about it finally this march, and everything i have said, felt, done, it matches up. didn't know i was not the only one...and so i played the dress up game too.
    here is where i am as of june: i don't dress like i did the past 3 years, i only wear mens clothes, all of them, only my binder is made for ftm, and i wear even to school, church, in front of friends and family.
    as for my personality, i just let myself freely laugh and joke and not care how i may be perceived as different, cuz i was even when i tried to hide.
    so i noticed my grins are bigger, i get my friends to laugh more, and i seem not afraid to tell off jerks to their faces!
    being myself is always the right thing to do...i can't see any belief that would argue that being fake is right, so doubly i feel better inside just doing that.
    does that give you any ideas?
     
    #3 Deaf Not Blind, Jun 5, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 5, 2012
  4. Jim1454

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    Hi there and welcome to EC. (As mentioned, I've edited out your last name to maintain anonymity.)

    I'd agree with Lad123 and say that you don't necessarily need to make wild changes to your appearance or your attitude all at once if you don't want to. But I would think that you could get away with more subtle changes that at least move you in the direction of being who you really want to be.

    High school is a bitch. Things do get better when you leave and move on to do something else. So don't beat yourself up if you don't enter your senior year an join the glee club and the cheer leading squad (if that's what you want to do) because that might be too big a change from what you're currently doing now.

    (Not to say that you shouldn't be able to do whatever the heck you want to - regardless of what you've done up until now. I just sense that you have some aprehension about changing too much too soon - so go at your own pace.)
     
  5. CAB334

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    I just want to say thank you. Your help is appreciated to the highest degree. I just knew that I had to come to people who understood the acceptance and coming out problems. This advice has made me realize two things

    1. I dont have to go all in, or not at all.

    2. That realisticly people are always drasticly changing around me, wether i realize it or not.

    You guys have helped take a weight off my shoulders a little, at least till i can start opening up to myself more than anyone. I hope to get myself sorted out and be happy with everything that I am, because I am definitly proud of who I truly am. Because of the help I found here I will definitly come back to help others. :grin: thank you!!!!
     
  6. Jim1454

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    That's awesome. I'm glad you found this site and found some strength here. Stick around - as just participating here will help with your self acceptance. Good luck!