I really don't know how to tell my really old, best friend, that I go way back with. I mean, we have a mutual gay friend, and she is totally supportive and pro-gay rights and everything. But it's not this, it's that we've had loads of conversations about men before (like, all the time), and the topic of homosexuality has come up before, and I've never said anything other than that which would suggest I was completely straight. I have told friends that I have known only for a year or so, and this was easy(ish), but I really don't know how to tell this friend of mine, because it's like, we share everything, and we talk about everything. It would be like I've been lying to her or something, and I don't want to change our relationship at all. But the thing is, it's not like I've been lying to *her*, I've been lying to *myself*. It's just that I know that people don't like it when their friends change, or they think they have. I saw her recently and we were even talking about homosexuality and stuff and I felt like such a fraud but I feel that I'm in too deep and maybe I can never come out. But then, I don't know. She's like, my best friend, and some of my lesser friends know. But should I just say something if/when I meet someone, so it's like I've only just discovered it, or do I say that, more generally, I'm gay/bisexual? And then there's the whole issue of the fact that we're really close - will she think I have or have had a crush on her? Because I never have - she's my best friend. I don't want her to think that I think of her sexually. But our friendship goes back so many years, I don't know how to repaint the picture she has of me. I know people have said this before, but it's so much harder to come out to older friends than to new ones!! It's like, there are some people who I don't care how they take it, but I don't want to wreck our friendship. And what if I get together with a girl? Will she be jealous? It'll be like there are 2 really important women in my life - my girlfriend and my best friend. I really don't know what to do! At the moment I'm just biding my time, and trying not to make comments about men etc - I'm doing this more generally: although I'm not out, I'm trying not to actively lie, as in talking about guys. But sometimes I fail even at this - it's just so ingrained!! And it looks really odd if you don't comment too. I hate this! Why can't I just be normal????
I know what you mean about the thing with older friends... but it looks you know she'll be supportive, and I would just go for it. She sounds like a great person, and if she really knows you, she probably suspects it anyway. I would probably just explain the whole thing and be completely honest with her. I mean, you'll feel really liberated and she'll see (and probably understand) the whole picture. As for being afraid your relationship will change, for me, coming out hasn't really changed anything. If anything, it has me brought me closer to my friends. Again, just say flat out you don't have a crush on her — she's a really great friend and you want it to keep it that way. When I came out to a guy friend, I knew he might think I was attracted to him, and sure enough, one of the first things he said was, "you know, I'm not gay at all" and I just cut him off, saying "I know, and I don't have a crush on you or any of our other friends. Don't worry ". So if you're honest with her, your relationship can only change for the best. As a song by Shiny Toy Guns says (great band btw), "your best friend is not your girlfriend!" Anyway, that's my opinion. Good luck!
