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Homophobic Work Environment

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ahhdiddums, Jun 6, 2012.

  1. ahhdiddums

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    Hi.
    Apologies for not creating an introductory thread first, but I feel I have to cut to the chase.

    My boss is a preachy homophobe who once fired someone after bringing their same-sex partner to a work party.

    I am most likely the only person out of about 40 other employees who does not talk about their sex/love life and has, out of 6 work dinners, not once brought a partner.
    As far as I know, pretty much all of my colleagues have conservative, intolerant views on homosexuality, but otherwise they're all nice people.

    My apprenticeship is coming to an end after three years.
    I have no idea what I want to do afterwards, but I can't afford to figure that out whilst being unemployed. One option, although not yet 100% certain, would be to stay at the same workplace.
    There are various pros and cons that I've already discussed with friends, but what I have so far failed to mention is my main concern:
    A) Should I finally stand up for myself and look for a place where I can work feeling comfortable with who and what I am, thus throwing myself at the risk of being unemployed until then for who knows how long and passing up perhaps the best job opportunity I'll ever have?
    or B) Should I bite the bullet, apply myself for a job in an oppressive work environment and be someone I'm not in order to earn some good money, just until I've saved up enough and know what I want to do for certain?

    B is the most sensible, but my mentor wants to hire someone with genuine long-term plans and I do not want to be dishonest with him, because he is unlike my boss a really kind person (not to mention more liberal).
    Also I would genuinely be interested in working there long-term, but I believe in such an environment it could only be soul-crushing.

    I hope I was able to express my concerns adequately.

    Has anyone had any similar experiences and if so how did you handle the situation?
    Also, how important is it to - not flaunt - but feel comfortable and be open with your homosexuality at work?

    Thanks a bunch in advance for your advice.
     
  2. cscipio

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    If you're in the USA it's against Equal Employment Opportunity to discriminate against homosexuality. Procedures for Complaints of Discrimination Based on Sexual Orientation

    I'm surprised that your boss got away with it.

    Personally, I remain closeted at work and am fine with doing so. My work is not homophobic, but, I'm also rather private with my personal life. If the environment makes you uncomfortable and, if your personal life is often a possible subject of conversation (since it's a small company you work for) you should probably plan an exit strategy. If you're OK with standing up for yourself and being out, so be it. Just document your interactions with your boss very carefully from that moment forward to show, if necessary, that discrimination, and not performance, was the cause of your termination.
     
  3. Gravity

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    With polite apologies to cscipio, I'm pretty sure that the law - while a good one - applies only to employees of the federal government. Laws for private companies vary state-by-state, so it's very possible to be fired legally from one's job in the States for being gay. Another issue for us to tackle.

    As for your predicament, ahhdiddums, I would tend to choose option A. My feelings on this - informed, of course, from my own history - are that no matter how great a job may be, I will feel personally unfulfilled if, while on the job, I don't even have the option of being in a relationship that I can express publicly and, if allowed, sharing my employee benefits with a partner. Essentially, if a job is asking me to choose between it and my love life, I find it hard to believe that I wouldn't feel some resentment down the line if I chose the job. For what it's worth, effectively I did make this decision a few years ago, and I've regretted it ever since.

    This is not to say, though, that I recommend throwing caution to the winds and setting bravely out into the fields of unemployment while clinging romantically to your love life and/or partner. Love won't pay the bills (at least not legally :lol:slight_smile:, but that doesn't mean you can't start looking for other work while you remain at your current job. If nothing else, looking for other work and imagining yourself in different professional contexts that could be more welcoming might help dissociate you from the apparently unhealthy work environment that you're in now. It might take a few months to find something, but if you're actively looking, that alone might make you feel better.

    If you don't mind saying, what field of work are you in? Is this something where you might be able to work elsewhere after an internship at your current place, or would you have to give up the career altogether? Would changing locations be likely to make a difference in the work environment, or is the entire organization/industry inherently homophobic?

    Also, since you're new to the site, welcome! Glad you make it here, and hope you find it helpful. :slight_smile:
     
  4. redstormrising

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    That applies only to employees of the federal government. Sexual orientation is not otherwise a protected class under federal law, so it is actually legal to fire someone for being gay unless state law prohibits it (which many states do not).

    ---------- Post added 6th Jun 2012 at 09:35 PM ----------

    as for the OP's question: if it's not feasible to be unemployed for any period of time and you're not able to find anything else before your apprenticeship ends, then stay there -- but only for as long as it takes you to find a safer working environment. forget about staying until you figure out what exactly you want to do, that could take any amount of time. find somewhere you can be yourself, and then you can take your time searching for what you really want to do without risking psychological harm.
     
  5. Chip

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    I agree with everything said so far (including the statement that there's no federal protection for employment discrimination based on sexual orientation).

    It's totally not healthy to be in an environment where you will be constantly hiding who you are and enduring homophobic and bigoted comments without being able to say anything.

    On the other hand, it makes sense to stay employed. :slight_smile: So as others have said, I'd take the job and look for another one as soon as possible. I don't even think there's anything ethically wrong with taking the job and leaving as soon as you get another one; it's clear your employer wouldn't want a "long termer" who is a lesbian, so you're doing him a favor as well :slight_smile:
     
  6. insidehappy

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    i woudl advise sticking with option B. stay in the closet there and look for another job in the meantime. the bottom line is self preservation. you need work so you can eat. use them for the work so you can eat and in the meantime, find a place you like being at. in the interviews you are going on, ask about diversity in the workplace and if they have any initiatives around inclusion on race and sexual orientation. if they do not and if they are homophobes, you will see that pretty clearly. also, its like you are "coming out" upfront since you know this will bother you later. so you can see what they have and how "inclusive" they are. imagine if you asked your current boss that in an interview. im sure his/her responsive and reaction to your question woudl have given you a good idea that this would not be the best place for you to work. however, in the meantime, apply for something full time there so you can work and then put your resume out there to other jobs so you can keep your options open.

    the other option is to speak candidly about this to your mentor. let him know you would love to work there but due to yoru orientation, you feel a bit uncomfortable. but honestly, i mean what can he do about it? he is liberal but the rest are neanderthals. there's no reasoning with them. you could decline the position adn start looking for a job but the first question and employer is going to ask you is "you had an apprecticeship there, how come you did not try adn work with that company?"

    i have had this come up but it was not becuase it was gay. basically i had an offer for a company i really wasn't sure i wanted to work there but honestly no other offers were coming in, i really did not like the job, but i needed to get my foot in teh door anyway, i knew i hated the work and the place before i started. i knew i wanted to leave if something better came along, but i couldn't pass this one up becuase noone else was knocking on my door. sure you can take the high road, go jobless and see what else is out there. you may get an offer asap, you may not. i ended up hating the job as i thought i would. i was miserable. i tried interviewing at other places and the first question was always, "you just started there, why are you looking" so i didnt get offers at the other places because i was seen as a "job hopper". i guess my best advice is to do what works for you. sure they want someone on the job long terms but guess what, if they have a lay off, do you think they are going to say "well, suzy accepted the job here becuase she thought it was going to be long term, so we will keep her on and fire someone else who has been here longer." NO, that's not going to happen. She the lady found out about the gay worker, they were sacked on the spot. this place clearly has no loyalty to their employees.

    personally it sounds like a bad place to work, and you're over it. maybe you should cut the ties now and take your chances on something else.
     
    #6 insidehappy, Jun 7, 2012
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2012