I've made a few threads about this as I'm really struggling here and it's time I dealt with my feelings, so sorry for taking up space here. Lately I've been in a massive funk, I used to go through periods of questioning my sexuality an then get over it, but now it's like I can't go back. I'm miserable. I'm in my head all the time, the only thing that helps is chilling with my friends and getting my mind off it. But I have no drive to sleep with girls right now, I mean they still turn me on but I'm getting increasingly uncomfortable around men, feeling like I'm going to attack them sexually, I can't handle it. I'm turned on by blow job porn more than anything right now, it's easier to get off when it's a girl doing it in porn but I can still get off when it's male on male, sometimes easily too. But that's literally all I'm attracted to, the penis, seeing I guys face or hearing his voice is a turn off to me. I just don't understand what's going on or how to get out of this, I almost wanna go all out and say "I'm gay" to everybody and try out the lifestyle see if it fits. I just don't want to lose my identity and lose girls completely. But I feel there is no way out, I wake up every morning thinking "I'm gay" and having intense anxiety about it, which dissipates through the day. It's not like I'm even averse to accepting that it's just once I do the anxiety still doesn't go away, it fucking blows man. I can't intimate scenes in movies cos I automatically feel like the chick... Has anyone else experienced this?
are you gay, bi, or any chance you maybe a bit transgender? yeah, i go through some of that daily now. sometimes really badly. getting lower grades in school. my mind wants me to accept what i am.
I don't know, I don't feel like a woman other than when watching intimacy, and weirdly if it's a woman and another woman I feel like the more feminine one and if it's a woman and a child holding hands or hugging I feel like the child. It's very weird. I'm not sure if I'm gay or bi lately I've been thinking I must be one of the two. I just can't seem to get it, the mornings are killing me the most.
Gee I that is confusing. When i see intimacy, I am always a man, and lesbian stuff is boring...takes forever and what they gonna do? Gay porn, its kinda okay, but I get it on when one guy is doing it the plain old way...nothing but vagina. I root for him! hahaha! But in my daily life, not too many people get my attention, but i have never dated. Some guys are cute, but then I have been noticing some girls recently I see have long legs. (one I've seen on bus twice is transgender female in mid transition and can't believe how much i am attracted to her...i actually hope one day i get to talk to her) I have had a fear of just coming out blah! to everybody. And i have feared what if i am with a pretty girl i know driving and talking passionately about what we believe in and have in common, and i jump on her and kiss her. i somewhat fear myself, somewhat want it to happen, i want a girl to let me kiss her...ugh. i too have reason to not come out...though I'm dying to...i have a deaf community, and everybody knows everybody. if i do it with a girl, soon no hope of undoing and saying in ten years OH i am not really I want to marry a man...nope, i will be off limits. once i come out, I'm out for life. so im nervous about going to university...it is a party school. :/
I can relate, mornings kill me the most too, I wake up everyday in a panic attack. Did you get a chance to speak to a psychologist?
No i have not confusedlady, with guys the fear that I will sexually attack them is almost constant, I don't know if that's attraction or not, there's no part of me that wants to do it, but there is a feeling that I need to do it. I get afraid I'm gonna kiss girls at inappropriate moments too but it's different as it's more of an "I wish I could" sort of feeling. Lesbian porn and straight porn are what I mainly watch, I honestly don't know maybe I am transgender... Fuck, I can't handle that.
DUDE! I am transgender! It is not THAT bad. Anyways...maybe try stop watching porn...it is highly addictive like cocaine. So I know not easy to stop what makes you feel good, but you are not feeling so good now. See if it cools off in a week without watching.
I'm sorry I meant no offense, my only problem with being transgender is purely career purposes for myself. Nothing against anyone
DUDE! That is totally how I feel when you say how awful it is if anyone thinks you are a lesbian. Prometheus, I really do think you should see a therapist. Regardless of your sexuality, the feeling that you are going to "attack people sexually" causing you great anxiety all the time is not the way it would usually manifest, so there is something else going on as well, even if you are gay.
I'm thinking...maybe there needs to be like a blocked function and then sensitive people can just block everyone who comments stuff. or...maybe i can just stop posting.
Hey, you really need to see a therapist asap. This is obviously torturing you. A therapist will help you sort out your feelings. Gay or not you don't deserve to suffer like this.
Yes I see a therapist. She specializes in anxiety disorders as well as glbt issues. I was doing really well until I got pregnant. I get those messed up urges as well, feels like I'm going to jump on females, doesn't feel like normal hetero urges eh? Sometimes I have to sit on my hands so I don't touch people :/ therapy does really help though, I keep telling my therapist I need to run away with a woman, like now. I get these runaway urges when I'm really anxious, feels like I have no choice but to do them.
