On this planet, at this time, the way I am? I just don't really know what is there in my future, besides a sequence of ShittyMcJobs (and more white-collar stuff I did left me with poisonous hatred of all things office.) no one really cares about and weekends full of pointless "relaxation." It's all so... pointless. Yes, I can learn this stuff or that, but it's all, in the end, nonsence. Nothing I'll ever do would change anything important one bit. I'm unlikely to have kids, unlikely to accomplish anything. :bang:
I keep seeing people writing this. my heart breaks. The one thing that always kept me sane was my religion, that God exists, and has created me of all people for a specific main job nobody else can do...and many minor opportunities to do good things to help others. So, here is what I can tell you...you have talents and gifts, what are they? What hobbies and other stuff do you enjoy? Can you find a way to use it to help others? Believe it or not, when you volunteer you get repaid in full. I will give you an example, ok? Many years ago, I had the idea since some Catholics I knew were going to a nursing home to sing, I asked if I can go and sign songs along with them, and maybe have a party for the old people? So I put on an English tea party! I thought it out, some maybe have diabetes or other problems, researched what ingredients are safest for those with those disorders most likely there. Then I made tiny deserts that had no milk, no sugar, and tea that was very pretty and fragrant. I wanted them to see, taste, and smell the beauty. I knew it was hard on them to be alone for holidays, maybe I could help? I got one clear pot and put in their eyesight the ball in, which bloomed into a flower! They ooooohhhed! A guy said he would take some deserts to his buddy, he had diabetes and can't eat sweets. I grinned, said, yes you can...I made them for ya! He was shock! And so took 3 to eat later himself and thanked me for thinking about diabetics. He was about age 50. Dude, you can make a difference in another person's life! And it has nothing to do with your sexuality or problems in life...it has to do with the gifts that are unique to YOU and nobody else! YOU are important to this world, and I know for a fact this world will not be the same without YOU in it. I am glad God made you, and I can read your posts. You and I are not accidents...we are gifts...lets go show em what we can do to make earth better!
There is no objective meaning implied in anything in the universe. That being said, you can find meaning in your life. People look for big, flashy, "important" things they can do. The most you can do is to be important to someone. Being a loving, charitable, and exciting person should be enough to give you meaning. Things come and go, but if you have too much anxiety about the future, you'll never enjoy the present. Try to be focused on what you can do to make the best of what right now is, and the future will fall into place. Also, try off the wall, wacky things. Like this:
Hi, The question of why am I here applies to me very much too, even though in my case the question is less metaphysical and much more specific, as to what is a 42 year old woman married (to a wonderful man...) and with 2 small children doing by posting in a site dedicated to gay transexual people...This 42 year old woman who met this most amazing, extraordinary, wonderful woman 2 months ago, and felt almost instantly attracted both emotionally and physically to her...An attraction that was real and deep, kind and nurturing, inspiring and strong, so strong that the next day I simply started crying because I really couldn't bear the thought of not seeing her ever again...Since then we met for coffee once, and during our farewell I simply froze when I kissed her on the cheek and couldn't move away from her, I simply couldn't, (it was the most bizarre experience of my life ever), and therefore felt obliged to let her know how I felt (by email after the meeting), mainly to explain myself and give her a chance to distance herself if she had to, specially as I knew she was a lesbian, even though she had never told me, and didn't want to mess her about... In spite of this, she thinks we can still develop a friendship, which is something I would really like because she is simply outstanding, but I do wonder if a friendship will be possible given my feelings...We are about to meet again next week, and I'm extremely excited but also slightly worried, she has been on my thoughts on and off since I met her...How can I have such strong feelings for someone I have just met, and could I have missed such a big part of my sexuality for the last 12 years of my marriage?...My husband is aware I have a crush on her but expects it will die out, but what if it doesn't?...Is this late realization of being bisexual common, and how do people handle it?
Well, late realization isn't exactly common, but it's not unheard of. I myself realized it just a few months ago, and I'm in my early 30s. As to "how to cope with it," well... Don't panic, as cliché as it sounds. There are two parts to your problem: first is your sexuality as such, and second is your same-sex crush and your fear it'll get in the way of your committed relationship. Second thing first, it's really only as big a deal as you'll let it become. She is (I gather) out and proud lesbian about your age, so she met her share of women she'd like to be with but who are off-limits for some reason, and has some strategies for dealing with it. It's more difficult for you, since it's your first same-sex crush and all, and people in that situation sometimes are tempted to act like confused and oversexed teens, whatever their age (I certainly did for a first few weeks.) Just let yourself calm down. Try to think of her as a "guy." Surely you did meet attractive men before, and since you're still with your husband, you know how to deal with that situation. As for your true sexuality... Well, its implications would be deeper in the long run, but it won't necessarily ruin your marriage or anything of the sort. Try to examine it in abstract, unrelated to that woman. Although this is not necessarily true, chances are you'd been bisexual your whole life, you did some "bi" things, and you felt some sexual attraction to other women without quite realizing it. And it's time to sort that thing out. Although my original post may not really be the best possible testament for it roflmao I'm seriously much, much happier with myself now than I ever was before. So much of my previous life makes sense now, so much of what I always thought was "wrong" with me turned our to be just my bisexuality trying to send me a message, realizing I'm in fact bi was (and still is) like most awesome Christmas present ever. P.S. Don't be shy, make a thread. You'd get more and better replies that way. P.P.S. Back to my original post: So, that's what I write after two weeks of night shifts in a busy warehouse... Anyway, I think my own situation is going to improve soon, even though this particular job still does make me feel like a cow that produces "labour" instead of milk: perfectly fungible and absolutely pointless. I just need something where I actually make useful things, even in a very small way, not anything where I just basically move around stuff other people made, if that makes sense.
Thank you very much for taking the time to post your long reply, and I'm glad to hear you are happier, pointless work surely can bring you down but it also pays bills...I'll try to make a thread in future rather than steal someone else's,...I'm learning to accept this new me too and by the looks of things so do my closest friends, as long as I don't hit on them What can I do? Humour will take me through anything... Take care,
Last year when i was really depressed i was also thinking similar things. and for me my older brother is like amazing at everything, or he is able to bs enough so that he seems amazing at everything. so i am alsways comparing myself to him and i thought that i wasnt good at anything. This year, while i am not nearly as depressed, i am in the middle of the whole college search and everyone wants to know what i want to major in, i say i don't know because i really don't know what i am good at or like what I am passionate about. But recently I have really accepted my passion for writing, and I am realizing that i am a good writer. So my suggestion is to find something that you are good at, interested in, or passionate about. I am pretty religious and I like to think that we all have a purpose in life, and while it may not be clear to us, it is probably clear to someone else you can help you figure it out.
