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Questioning again

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Tetraquark, Jun 6, 2012.

  1. Tetraquark

    Tetraquark Guest

    After being confident in my attraction to women for several months, I recently started questioning again. My confusion stems from the fact that my attractions are split into three different categories: emotional, sexual, and "physical", for lack of a better term. The first two I only seem to feel for women; the last, only for men.

    The only person I have ever felt emotionally attracted to was female. She was also the only person who, when I let myself, I could easily imagine sleeping with. I cannot at this time ever see myself having a relationship or sex with a man.

    However, I almost never look at a woman and think that she is attractive. On the other hand, I somewhat regularly see men who I find cute. The strange part is that, even when I find a man cute, I don't want have any desire to date him. I may, based solely on appearance, wonder what a woman is like and want to get to know her better, but it's not the same thing I feel when I see a cute guy.

    So, predictably, I wonder if maybe I didn't trick myself into liking women. The fact of the matter is, I've spent very little time around men. Maybe I only like women because they are the only people I have ever been close to? Then I'll think about the person I mentioned earlier, which both makes me more sure of my attraction to women and usually triggers a short bout of depression (long story, which some of you may already know).

    I wouldn't mind too much if I hadn't already gotten so far along in the coming out process. I'm out to some people as gay, some as bi, and the thought that I might be straight after all is deeply embarrassing, even if the probability of me actually being straight is quite low. It's also causing me to worry about getting involved in the LGBTQ community and the dating scene.

    Any advice or other thoughts? Also, for the people who discovered their orientation later in life, what finally settled it for you?
     
  2. Ianthe

    Full Member

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    I would say you are a lesbian. You are not attracted to men, but merely notice that they are attractive in some kind of objective sense. You don't want to date them.

    Being attracted to someone means feeling like you are drawn to them in some way. Just noticing someone's appearance is not attraction unless you want to touch them, or at least "wonder what they are like and want to know them better."

    Just noticing that someone looks good is not the same as being attracted to that person.
     
  3. Deaf Not Blind

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    Since you are pretty good at explaining things with words, Ianthe, is there 3 ways to feel about people, or do you know of a classification? I would like to know how distinguish different types of like/attraction.
     
  4. lilyoflife

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    maybe u barely "look at women" because your attraction towards them are beyong shallow and superficiality. Take it as a compliment. I never saw anyone attractive. Only liked them when i get to know them. I cant possibly date anyone just by looks, its not enough for me. It was never the initiation anyways. Relax, just let it be.