Self-hatred.

What you're describing sounds a lot like depression, which is a very common problem in gay people your age. Fortunately, it also very treatable. I would strongly encourage you to find a counselor to discuss your problems with. In the meantime, I recommend finding a local crisis line that you can call when you're feeling suicidal.

I experience depression, and have dealt with suicidal ideation, and it does get better. Counseling and self-care can do wonders. Feel free to contact me if you have questions about the counseling process.

 

Kuroi, this is a really good step that you have made in getting it off your chest. That's really important.

Believe it or not, a lot of people feel like you at some stage throughout their lives. As Mogget said, this type of experience is very common among gay people. The most important thing to realise is that you are not alone. Really, you are not alone. Even if you feel like you are alone, there are a lot of people who feel just the way you do — it could be about being gay, being bad a sports, not having family, being bad at maths, whatever. And often, it's a combination of a lot of these things that make people feel really bad about themselves.

The worst thing you could do is end your life right here and right now. Go and see your school psychologist and report back to us here. We're counting on you. Even though I live far away from you, I'll spend the next 24 hours worrying about you. Seriously.

You need to talk about the issues you're having with your school psychologist. The bad thing about ending your life is that it's final. It's about the only thing that it is. There's no coming back. But if you still feel after seeking help that you want to end your life, you can. Going to the school psychologist isn't taking this opportunity away from you.

If you're embarrassed to see your school psychologist, don't be. This is what they are there for. They have dealt with this issue dozens if not hundreds of times before.

So let's make a pledge to turn your life around... and it starts with one small step.

And that step is to knock on the door of your school psychologist. It's one knock. You don't have to think about all the other things you could be doing to improve your life. It may sound annoying and silly, but you do have to take things one step at a time. And yes, this small step is a bigger one than most, but it's one of those ones that once you climb the step the rest get even smaller and smaller.

You get in the door of the psychologist and you tell them what you are experiencing. They've heard it all before. You're not going to shock them with anything. Once you tell them, it gets SO much easier. I've been in this position before.

There is no point in promising to try harder at everything. I've done that before and all that happens is that I get better at nothing. You need to start somewhere, and small. What you're going through is really difficult and going to the psychologist is the first step. Then you can pledge to read one page of a book at night. Just one page... that's easy. Then it gets easier. When you've been doing that for a while, you decide you're going to study one chapter from one of your subjects even just once a week. Set aside an hour. But do this slowly and over period of time.

The rest of what you've said... it's not big deal. A lot, I mean A LOT, of gay people don't have relationships or kiss other people until they are in their twenties. Honestly. Loads of people smoke weed. At least you know that it's not right and you shouldn't be doing that. But I mean some of the most successful people in the world smoked weed at one point or another. Smoking weed and what you're going through now are what make you a unique person, and they all add to your life experience and combine into something that will make you extremely successful later on.

Alcohol? Everyone breaks the rules they set for themselves every once in a while. I'm seventeen too and I don't know anyone who doesn't drink. If it's important to you not to drink or take drugs, that's something you can work on down the line. But for now, it's the one small knock on the door of the school psychologist.

The overriding feeling I get from your post is that you are a good person. You are aware of your faults and your issues. You know that you shouldn't act superior to other people. So if you ask me, there's a whole pile of steps that you don't have to take. Most people don't even realise they're acting superior and have to spend years realising it. If you take the small steps now, I can't see how you won't be successful in life. But as with everyone, it takes a bit of work. And all that work has to start off with the small steps.

And a hug? So what. Who cares. That will be forgotten about so quickly.

Anyway, as I said, I'll literally be worrying about you. So please come back on here soon and tell me how you've spoken to either a teacher you're close to in your school who can go with you to the school psychologist or you've simply taken the small step of knocking on the psychologist's door and telling them something that they've heard before. It's not big deal to them, no matter how overpowering it seems to you.

 

hi i ll like to talk to you on your problems one by one. first about the study thing. its not dat u are bad at it. just that you are having some problems which many of us face in high school. you can try doing s litle everyday. take help of your friends. join some study groups.believe in yourself, i believe that a genius exists in anybody. there was time in my high school when i thot i am not good at anything. i jus tried litle bit at a time everyday soon everything started coming into my head and now i just finished my medical school there is a great mind in you too you just have to look for it.
being not good at your hobbies is not imp. sing if u like . who cares how u sing? what matters is that it makes you happy. dance comes with practice. even if u r not good at it it hardly matters. you dance when you are happy for urself not for anybody else
and about the weed. its really not good. it can make one feel depressed and affect ones power to think

 

when i was a kid i was bullied by a group, and its leader informed everyone to stay with her and be my enemy lest they to get called names and tortured, so began my life 1st day 1st grade age6.

when i was you age, never dated, no kiss either, had little to call friends just as you, and did not kill myself.

today i finally am getting my life...a scholarship, lots of diverse friends from conservative to liberal, i am respected in the political community as a volunteer and am asked my opinions, and i have developed skills i did not do well at age 20! my grammar is bad, but i can rework it until good, and have been published in newsprint, and soon a regular for a deaf paper. me!

and...
you!

The world can't become a better place if you allow the demons to get you to kill yourself before you are honed into the powerful force of good you will become...dont do it.

live

 

so never do dat again. and about the future. who knows what it holds for you. you jus try to find out your dream. try going for career counselling and goin to a psychiartrist is not a problem

 

Just slow down, make out a list and start changing things slowly, but dude, you gotta get off the drugs and alcohol.

 

Well sweetie, you're depressed. But, it's so great that you decided to post your feelings on here. Everyone here gives excellent advice, great listeners. And, it's far better to get these feelings of your chest then let them bubble up inside. It's unfortunate that you don't have someone you can physically talk to. But, all them same.

First off, you do not suck at everything. It's your mind playing tricks on you. Promise. When you're feeling down, and something doesn't go right, you try again, still doesn't go right. It get's frustrating. But, when you get into that mind set that "Oh, I can't do it, I suck" it affects you. It really does. So, just take a breather, walk away. And go back to it. It takes some practice to get things perfect. As far as school...well it's not for everybody. I don't know what your career aspirations are. But, things like Social Studies, and Math won't matter if you want to be say an Interior Designer. When you have a passion for something, that will translate into what you do. And if you're having problems, maybe get some extra tutoring? That's why teacher's are there. They wan't to see their students succeed. Even if you take an extra 30 mins after school to clarify up lessons. I wasn't all that great in school either. But, for what I wanted to do, it didn't really matter. It's important, yes. But, don't stress yourself.

You're 17 have 2 real friends and 5 friends who mock you when talked to on a regular basis? Well, I'm 20 and I have 2 really awesome friends, and a handful of acquaintances who support me. Those friends who mock you, cut them out of your life, seriously. Surround yourself with positive influences. You don't deserve that. As far as not being in a relationship, well neither have I. And, as I've said I'm 20. You're young. You don't want to get into a relationship for the sole reason, just to make you happy. When I was 17, I was also into heavy drinking, and drugs. Don't get angry at yourself for promising yourself you wouldn't do it, but still do. Please don't. That'll just push you into further depression. It's alright, but, I think what YOU need to do. Is cut yourself off from those "friends" of yours. They don't sound like they're very supportive at all.

I'm sorry, I'm not a great advice giver. But, just know you already are on the right step with at least talking about it. I think most if not all of us, have been at that point in our life (depression) and I know it's just the worst thing in the world that I wouldn't wish on anyone. So, I'm sorry you have to go through this, but you're not going through it alone. (&&&)(*hug*)(&&&)

" I just get lost in my dark thoughts whenever I make attempt at changing anything. Thoughts like those written above. I see no future for myself. No job I would like to do, no collage i would like to go to. Alone since I cant see why someone would love me. I had written my goodbye letter several times now, in head only though. I had learned how to tie the hangman’s knot and planned to use it, but im to scared of death. Either that or want to live but not as myself. I just don't know what to do anymore."

^ That is just the depression talking. I know deep down inside, you see a future for yourself, a wonderful job, a college where you'd go to study and become the most successful person in that field! Depression just gnaws and eats at every shred of happiness that shines through. I'm starting to tear up a bit, because I've been there. And I hated it. And, I feel so bad for you, and everyone who ever has to suffer through it. Even, when people try to help, and the depression just seems to kill off any notions that could find relief. I've written the goodbye letter, physically. And, attempted suicide multiple times. I even looked on a website on how to tie a noose as well. If only I had found this website in that time, to talk. That's one of the best things, to talk about it. And you're on the right track. But, please please. Get some help. I don't know if you have anyone who could take you to a psychologist or counsellor. If I were there, I'd take your hand, and walk into the office. Because, it's hard when your alone to take that step. (*hug*)

Again, I'm sorry. I wish I could offer some better advice. Just know that I understand how you feel. A lot of us do. I'm sure we'd all like to just give you a hug and make you feel better, feel happy. Just try to hang in there. Get some help. I know you're a lot stronger than you're feeling at the moment. But, continue to talk. Ok!

 

glad to help in evrylitle way v can