Non-stereotypical Signs a Teen is Gay?

There are straight people who support gay rights. It doesn't mean that they are really gay and just don't know it yet.

Regardless though, this guy sounds like a good person to come out to. He's supportive. So my recommendation is to come out to him. If he is gay, he will probably tell you. Not for sure though--if he's never told anyone at all, you coming out to him might not be enough. If he's not gay, you will have a supportive friend. Which is good.

---------- Post added 7th Jun 2012 at 03:31 PM ----------

And, Welcome to Empty Closets! That's the second time I've missed that lately. :eusa_doh:

 

Hmm. Well, I have a friend that I thought was joking when he told me that he was gay and it took me like two whole days to believe him. He's not stereotypical at all!

I think any 'signs' can be considered stereotypical, but there's definitely some less prominent signs. I think being able to communicate with females on their level a bit more is a sign. Being a good listener is definitely a good sign, people always come to me with their problems and even though I'm not out, I've had this said to me, 'you'd make such a good gay friend', not sure why I have to be gay to be a good friend! I also think gay people are much more approachable and open-minded compared to the stereotypical straight guy, I certainly am. Finally I think one of the best tricks is to try and make eye contact with a guy, if your eyes lock for a certain amount of times that can usually be a sign.

I'm not sure if any of these are valid, but they're non-stereotypical things that I've come across and attributes that I myself have.

Hope this helps and welcome to EC!

 

Yeah they're not concrete at all, but are true to gay people that I know. I've really just gone off experience and my own personality. I agree I think that the eye-contact thing only works with people you don't really know because essentially when you're walking past potential gay guys in the street, you're trying to work/suss each other out. With people you know and that you're friends with, it would be a little creepy staring at them constantly to see if they look back.

I guess there isn't many other ways of knowing other than by asking. Like when my friend came out, if he didn't tell me, I'd have never had known. I actually laughed thinking it was a joke when he told me and I really shouldn't have because I guess I should have realised how I'd have felt if somebody did that. But now I know that he's gay, I see the signs. :lol:

 

Well, now, if he TALKS about gay stuff all the time, like it's constantly on his mind, that could be because he's gay--it could also be that someone he cares about is gay, though. But somehow the issue has become personal and important to him.

(I now have this image of the two of you in my head, each of you randomly bringing up gay stuff all the time as a "hint" and neither of you ever coming out. Please come out to him... otherwise it's kind of a sad ending.)

Again, regardless of his sexuality, someone who is a very vocal supporter of gay rights is a good person to come out to.

The fact that you want him to be gay so much is going to interfere severely in your ability to tell if he is or not. You will see signs where there are no signs, and when there are signs, you will doubt them unreasonably. So, the only thing you can do is just come out to him. If he doesn't come out to you in return right away, you can also ask him. But only if you've come out to him first. Otherwise it's rude. Alternatively, once you are out to him, you can flirt with him and see how he responds.

There are behavioral signs that someone is gay. But you will not be successful in discerning anything from them with this guy, because your emotions and hormones will get in your way. Just come out to him, or you will go crazy thinking about it.

Also, the out gay guys in your school do not know you are gay, almost for sure. What makes you think they know? They way you say they treat you sounds like they think you are a straight boy. They don't treat you like they would if they thought you were 'family.' I mean, it sounds like they have an insular group of gay people that is unfriendly to outsiders, and they treat you like an outsider. Ergo, they don't know you are gay. If they knew, they would be friendly to you.

They probably wonder if you are gay. But gay people sort of wonder that about everyone. Don't you?

If you want to have community with them, you are going to have to tell them you are gay.

They snigger at people in preemptive self-defense. You say they are "camp," so that means that they have probably been picked on for it--even if you don't know about it. So, they act kind of unfriendly to everyone who isn't part of their group.

If you aren't ready to come out to them, you could address the problem directly: "You know, I'd kind of like to be friends with you, but I don't understand why you have to be so mean all the time." Or just be overtly friendly to them until they stop expecting you not to be.

My point is, they are probably going to assume that you are potentially hostile until you prove you aren't. And, frankly, I'd cut them some slack, since they've probably taken a lot of crap in their lives.

But whatever you do, come out to your friend as soon as you can. It's the only way to preserve your sanity. Otherwise you are going to keep wondering, going in crazy circles in your mind.

 

So, come out to him. From what you say, if he isn't gay, he's probably heard that you are, and he's been going out of his way to be blatantly supportive. Which would mean that he wants you to tell him.

Also: You think if he's gay the fact that you are a year older and he kind of looks up to you a little and you hand-picked him as your successor makes it LESS likely that he'd be into you? :roflmao:

If he's gay, I would bet money that he is crushing on you hard. Especially if he's heard tantalizing rumors about your sexuality. You are older, have higher status, and are basically unattainable, from his point of view. That combined with the amount of attention you've given him is basically a recipe for him liking you if he's gay. Considering what you've said about how well you get along, why wouldn't he like you, unless his sexual orientation just doesn't allow for it?

Why are you worrying about "how things are done?" Just be better friends with him. Surely there are not actually rules against it. But since you are the one with more status, you have to be the one to pursue things at first (even if we are only talking about friendship). He will tend to be surprised that you want to hang out with him, since you have "older and cooler" syndrome.

This friend of mine from high school was a couple of years behind me, and when we ran into each other at parties and things after I had graduated, he kept being surprised that I remembered who he was. I had actually spent quite a lot of time with him, though mostly in groups, my senior year, and thought it was really weird that he kept thinking I might not know him. But then I realized it was because I was older, and he thought that I was just so much older and cooler than he was, I probably wouldn't remember him. It was like an enormous epiphany for me, because I couldn't imagine anyone looking at me that way.

I was also really shocked, because I had been really lonely my senior year (a lot of my friends had actually graduated, and my parents were getting divorced), and I realized that the reason I had not been better friends with him and his group out of school was that I was the older one, and I would have had to initiate things. I didn't understand that at the time. When they did stuff and didn't invite me, it wasn't because they didn't want me around, it was because I was older and they didn't think I would want to hang out with them outside of school.

So, basically, I hope you can learn from my mistake, and take the initiative in this friendship. You have "older and cooler" syndrome, and if you two are going to be friends, it's going to have to come from you.

 

The girl I am dating hinted about her sexuality talking somewhat about gay issues also she wears a gsa bracelet and stuff. I'm the same way except you probably wouldn't guess by my looks, but with her she had the whole stereotypical short hair-cut and flannel shirt kind of wardrobe. I'm not exactly openly gay. Rather than telling people I *do sort of just hope they guess* by putting together my reaction to gay related issues, my comments about how much I love hannah hart, and my lgbtq keychain. Haha. So yeah people do do that, but my brother is not gay but still is very concerned with gay issues and defends rights and such. He was also involved in a GSA-type club. All that before I told him I was gay soooo those things don't necessarily point to a person being gay.

 

(I swear I wrote this already, I'm not sure what happened.)

You are TWO years older, oohhh you are WAY older and cooler!

Anyway, I don't really care what your school system is like, that's a silly reason to not be friends with someone. Usually, there is no contact with different years, but there was because you worked on the publication together. So now you know each other, and friendship would be perfectly natural.

Whether or not he's gay, he would definitely be a good supportive friend for you. And if he is gay, he might need support himself, as well, in that regard.

More friends is pretty much always better, really. When you meet someone that you are very sure would make a great friend, it's really a terrible waste to pass it up just because he's behind you in school.

Could you invite him to something to celebrate your success in the publication you were working on, or to celebrate passing your position over to him?

 

Hehehehehe, this may be the cutest little thread on earth!

You really, really, REALLLLYYY need to come out to this guy! There's no point in prolonging this any longer. If he's straight, he'll accept you. If he's not, he'll probably date you. Since you've already come out to some people and there are already people talking about you, this should be a piece of cake. Think of how much a waste it would be to stay closeted! Listen to your friends on here and COME OUT!!! :icon_bigg

I can understand the nerves, but action seems to be a bit necessary.

Good luck! (*hug*)

 

Well, support of gay rights COULD be a sign..but it could also be a sign of someone not being an asshole lol.
I think what made my friend suspect that I'm LGBT is when she would bring up her sexuality (she's gay) I was just completely ok with it, like it wasn't any different at all. I also didn't ask any stupid questions like "have you always been?" you know, the questions straight people sometimes ask that they don't realize are a bit ridiculous lol

So yeah, those are some of the things I, as well as other friends, seem to notice...BUT keep in mind I live in a very rural conservative area, so just the fact of someone being accepting of gay rights or things like that is uncommon and can cause people to wonder...

 

OMG. :rolle:

Tell him that you have enjoyed working with him, and that you are sorry it's coming to an end. Then come out to him, and tell him that it means a lot to you to have supportive friends. You know it would be weird (and maybe impossible) to socialize at school, but you would like it if you could be friends anyway, and maybe hang out sometime outside of school.

I still don't see why you shouldn't be able to be friends outside of school if it is something you both want. Which I think it is. The only thing preventing it from happening is that neither of you is willing to say so.

Even if you just can't bring yourself to ask him to hang out, you can at least express regret that it "isn't possible." Even though I think that's crazy, since it fairly obviously is possible. You can just be like, "You know, I'm going to miss you. It's a shame that year groups are so segregated, and likeminded people can't socialise with each other."

Perhaps then, he will suggest that you could still be friends outside of school.

 

being in support of gay right does not mean you are gay. it only means you support human equality. of course if you are crushing on someone, their support of causes such as these would make you hope they are also homosexual.

the best advice if you do not know someone is gay is to never assume and never blantantly ask someone if they are gay without first telling them you are gay first.

yes, it is easy to hide behind gay rights without confessing one's gayness but it doesn't mean someone is gay. in fact, there should be people supporting this from all background since gay rights is more of a human equality issue than it is a homosexual issue.

think back to the days of the civil rights movement where people from all races and creeds came together to support African American having equal rights and the end of racial segregation and banning laws the prohibited blacks from marrying whites. Did it mean that the non black people in the movement secretly wanted to marry a black person? or secretly want to be black deep down inside. NO. it only meant they supported equality.

Therefore you can assume the same for your person. Instead of asking him if he is gay or wondering about that, maybe develop a friendship with him based on your common support for a cause that is dear to both of your hearts. you can ask him how he got involved in it and why he is passionate about it. you may find out soemthign interesting....maybe he has an uncle that is gay, maybe he has a cousin that is a lesbian. maybe he just sees all discrimination as bad. maybe you can share how and why you feel passionate about it. doesn't mean you have to come out but it could be a start of a meaningful friendship if you both discuss your feelings on the issue.

its natural to want others to be gay. often we look for these sorts of things and get our hopes up. soemtimes you're right, many times you're wrong. the main thing is to build friendships on commonalities not sexualities and if you both later down the road have the same sexuality and some commonalities, then there's a great chance you may share a great relationship.

---------- Post added 8th Jun 2012 at 04:45 PM ----------

as far as gay closeted signs, nothing is definite when you start playing this "is he gay" game. i will not provide you with any of these "clues" because they are all poppycock in my opinion.

what i will say is there are ways to know if someone is intersted in some level of friendship with you:

1. requests to hang out one on one
2. guys you do not know striking up conversation with you
3. any lingering stares or lustful looks (this is not a request for friendship might i add and you should be leary of these sorts of people as it is usually sex induced).
4. guys you do not know giving you their phone number or asking for yours.
5. guys texting you without a purpose...for instance, there's a difference between "hey what's up man, what's going on this weekend?" AND "hey how are you doing, what's been up"
6. facebook add request from guys you do not know

again, the list could go on and on but the point is none of the things above emphatically denotes one's gayness or straightness. so you end up playing the guessing game until finally you end up outing yourself only to find out they are not gay or are so deep in teh closet that they lie about being gay since they can't deal with it. the point is, develop friendships with people you're interested in being friends with and if there is mutual gayness and chemistry, things will progress naturally. also keep in mind that at some point one person has to take the initiative and come out to the other person he likes. so if you feel like it is a safe place to do it, then you may have to be that person in the future with someone you may have a crush on but hopefully your friendship will be so great that even if he is not gay nothign will be much different between u. good luck

 

What's creepy about wanting to make a new friend? You've been definitely refusing to go to the sexual place in your mind about it. It's not like you're scheming the whole thread to get into his pants, you just want a friendship, and you need some encouragement to pursue it.

Specific compliments are better than vague ones. Don't say he's great, tell him what specific things you like about him. Tell him that, as a gay person, you really appreciate his support of gay rights (oh, wow, you just came out to him), and praise his work on the publication--be specific, tell him what parts of his work you think he did particularly well on. Tell him that you expect him to do great things next year, and say something along the lines of what you said before, that you are normally so competitive that you'd want him to fail, but you think so well of him, you actually hope he will exceed you.

All of that is nothing more than what you actually think of him, and it really would be better if he knew that. Genuine compliments really mean a lot to people, especially when they come from people they look up to, even a little. Which he does. So, just tell him honestly the things about him that you appreciate. (Also, regarding his support for gay rights, it's always good to thank our allies.)

I don't know if he's been thinking about making friends with you. I suspect that he wouldn't imagine you'd ever consider it. As I've already said, you have more status than he does. But I'm completely sure he would want to be your friend, given the opportunity. I seriously don't have a single doubt about it. So, once you tell him how well you think of him, he will probably start thinking about it.

Give him the best genuine compliment that you can work up the nerve for.

And keep us posted, because I'm dying to know how this goes.

 

People never assume I'm gay and are generally surprised when they find out. Mind you, it's people I feel I can trust to know.

I'm sure I do have some mannerisms that could be seen as gay.. if not for the interesting fact that I still look about 18-19. I'm 31 but have a very youthful look about me to the point people are shocked at my real age. So I think the mannerisms might just be chocked up to being "young" in the eyes of others. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone but myself. *lol*

Mind you, I have to actively try to act straight at times to keep up appearances around people I can't trust with knowing. I have to monitor how I am standing so I don't end up in a potentially "gay" (girly) standing pose If I find myself in one I quickly but casually change how I'm standing.

I don't live in a gay friendly area right now but I am planning on changing that in the next 6 to 10 months. I have my sights set on Portland or Seattle in the long term after I do some traveling first.