Erm... Friends?

He is being friendly to you because you came out to him. It's not just because you are gay, it's because you reached out to him and told him something personal about yourself, which is something that normally deepens friendships.

He probably also realizes that he is one of the first people you have told. Everyone who is gay knows that that is special. It makes him feel good to be someone you chose to tell, and he wants to support you. He remembers what it felt like when he was first coming out, and how much he needed support. He knows what it means to have a gay friend when you are still just accepting yourself and coming out, and he is trying to be there for you in that way.

He understands exactly everything you are going through right now. So he is being friendly to you so that you will know you can come to him for things. **This is what pretty much any out gay person would do, when someone comes out to them, especially if knowing they are the first gay person you ever told. We've all been where you are now.

He is also pleased to have another friend who is gay. That's always nice.

So, basically, he's your friend, he's pleased to discover you have more in common than he thought, and he's showing you he's there to support you.

Since he doesn't live too far away, you should consider hanging out with him and his boyfriend sometime. Be gay among gays. Very good for you.

 

I agree. He's probably just being very friendly and demonstrating how accepting he is to you. Be happy.

Is he hetero or gay? Did I miss that, or is it from another thread? In any case, I think it's still worth spending time with him. If nothing else, it can be really nice to realize that people like us for who we are even when they don't have any sexual interest in us. Sometimes that isn't always clear, but getting used to the idea is really nice.

Also, if he is hetero, he may just be curious to learn more about you and the culture. I've had many friends react that way, and I always take it as something of a compliment - always nice to help someone get their learn on.

 

From the OP:

His friend is gay and engaged to a man. So, although he is gay, it is unlikely to be romantic interest. He's offering support to a friend, because he knows it's needed.

 

The (straight) friend I came out to has always been very chatty and flirty but that's just her natural way of being. She doesn't mean anything by it. But yesterday she sent me an email message with a very cute nickname as a subject (she called me penguin). This was weird to me, but made me smile nonetheless. I know I'm probably also reading too much into it but it's just funny how she would put that in the subject line, where she'd normally just put stuff like "A small hello" or something neutral in there...

To get back to your situation though, your friend could be closeted... Being engaged or even married, or even when they have children, doesn't make a person any more straight than someone who's unmarried/single without children. Just something to keep in mind.

But it could also be that, just like me, you are reading too much into it because there is a slight attraction from your side :icon_wink

 

So, apparently some important information is being missed in the OP. It's kind of buried in the first long paragraph. So, I'm going to be a little bit blunt. I don't mean to be rude, but I think that responses are not going to be very helpful if this bit is missed.

The friend is gay. He is out, not closeted, and engaged to a man. I know it's a man he's engaged to because of the part where Gazza123 states that it is his gay friend he's talking about. If he meant that his gay friend was engaged to a woman, I feel sure this would have been mentioned, and I think that it would not have made Gazza123 think that his friend was not interested in him. Because if the gay friend was engaged to a woman, it would be some kind of sham, and it clearly isn't.

This thread is about Gazza123's gay friend, one of two people he has come out to. The first gay person he has come out to.

He's wondering why his gay friend he came out to has been chatting with him more since he came out.

I feel certain that the gay friend is just being a good gay friend, and doing what almost any gay person would do if a friend chose them as one of the very first people, and absolute first gay person, they ever came out to. No other motivation is required. Gay friend knows that he is the one and only gay friend. This is enough reason to be super friendly.

 

Whoops :icon_redf

I read it as being two different people...

 

No, don't worry about it. I'm just trying to make it clear so that everyone in the thread doesn't keep making the same mistake.

 

You can probably be included in his gay circle of friends deal. He's not going to push you--he knows you are still just accepting yourself. But we all know what it's like when you are just coming out. He knows you need gay friends. When you start to sound like you might be ready, don't be surprised if he starts inviting you to things. Probably all it would take would be for you to complain that you don't know enough gay people.

Ugh, did your friend have immigration problems? We (Americans) can't sponsor same-sex partners for citizenship. It sucks.

 

Yes. That is the result of unjust immigration policies. If they were straight, they would be married and resident in one country or the other, but they are forced to separate by policies that do not treat gay couples the same as straight couples.

Actually, I don't know the UK policies. Maybe they just aren't married yet. But I know in America, you can't sponsor a same-sex spouse for immigration--even if you are legally married in one of the states--and many couples are separated for this reason. It's one of the important reasons that gay couples need to be recognized by the federal government, and not just by individual states.

If it's the same there, then this is the reason they are separated. It's terrible.

 

One more vote on "he's probably just trying to show support and understands what you're going through". With one of my friends who came out a while back I found myself commenting and "liking" some of his posts probably more than average, making a point of complimenting him from time to time when he does something he wouldn't have done before, etc...