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General Coming Out questions/comments

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by marasma, Jun 7, 2012.

  1. marasma

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    So, I've been meaning to come out since I came to terms with my sexuality nearly 5 months ago. And I've made the occasionally off handed comment about being gay so I think a few people are aware, though the other day I was talking about somebody I know who seems confused about the whole concept about being gay and I mentioned I was curious about what would happen when he found out I was gay. Then a friend of mine looked at me in confusion and said she had no idea I was gay, she was super supportive though, gave me a big hug etc. which made my first 'official' coming out a really good expierience.

    But I'm worried that not all of them will be like this, do you have tips for coming out to people you aren't that close with, just people you have class/work with?

    I also have yet to tell either of my parents or my sister, I once told my sister I thought I might like girls but she assumed I was lying. And I'm wondering is to possible to tell them seperately? My parents are kind of seperated and so they only both stay in our house on Saturday and Sunday so its hard to get to tell them both at the same time.

    Also is it a good idea to have a plan if they don't accept me? My parents are incredible people but I always feel anxious they might not accept me.

    Is coming out on Facebook a good idea, once I've told all my really close friends/family? Just to get the aqquaintances out of the way.

    I really appreciate any help or support, I feel ready to come out but it's difficult, especially with my lovely anxiety disorder.
     
  2. Owen

    In Loving Memory Full Member

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    My general strategy for coming out to acquaintances (classmates, coworkers, etc.) is to just act like everyone already knows, regardless of whether they do or not. If someone says something that shows that they are assuming I'm straight, I just correct them as casually as I would if I were telling them that I don't enjoy pepperoni pizza when they were assuming that I do, and we continue on with the conversation. People will generally take their cues on how to treat the topic from how you treat it, so if you treat it like it's no big deal, most people will, too.

    For example, I was talking with a friend of my parents, and the conversation took this turn:
    "Well, some day, when you settle down with a nice woman-"
    "Man, actually."
    "Oh, sorry. With a nice man, you'll see how these little thing can make a big difference."
    And the conversation continued as normal.

    The one thing I will say about this strategy is that it's only viable if you are willing and able to come out to acquaintances casually. But if that doesn't come easily to you now, it will in time, once you have some more good coming-out experiences under your belt. Like all things, coming out gets easier with practice.

    You might notice that using this strategy means I'll never come out to someone if the topic of whom I wed and bed never comes up in conversation. But if we never talk about whom I'm attracted to, then they never really needed to know, did they? :slight_smile:

    Regarding telling your family, it's totally alright to tell them separately. Do what you have to to make this as not complicated for yourself as possible. It never hurts to have a plan, but something happening to you where you would need to utilize your plan is pretty unlikely.

    Regarding Facebook, it certainly can be a great way to come out to a massive number of your acquaintances at once. In the same vein as my last advice, be sure to write your message with the kind of tone you want others to treat the topic with. If you want others to take it seriously and understand the gravity of your announcement, write it seriously and with gravity. If you want people to take it casually, write it casually.
     
  3. Redeuropean

    Regular Member

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    Hi

    I'm in your same situation :grin:

    I came out to my 2 best friends and they were both supportive and happy for me, It took me almost 4 months to come out so It was hard reaaaally hard.

    Other thing in common, I'm afraid to tell that I'm bi-sex to my parents even if the are open minded people and they love me, but I will find a way......

    About Facebook I think you should not come out with a post like:" Hey All I'm Gay" just put that you are interested in women :grin: instead of men, It's easier.

    So I have a huge crush on this guy at work and nobody knew that I'm bi-sex so I just start flirting with him and automatically people understood(him too) that I like guys, I think there is no need of screaming out loud that you are gay, straight people does not do that, so why should we?
     
  4. TeeJay

    TeeJay Guest

    I wouldn't worry about it, Your from the Great Northwest! And the people here are pretty cool about things like that. I'm just a little south of the border (60 miles north of Seattle) but it's still the same area. So I would imagine that your friends and strangers might be surprised that your gay, but I really, really doubt they would be mean to you because of it. And as far as your parents... The older generation seem generally okay with it. But your the only one who can really know how your parents will react. (!)
     
  5. Ianthe

    Full Member

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    What Owen said, more or less.

    When I decided to be totally out, I changed my Interested In on Facebook, and just started to pretend like it was common knowledge. People figure it out.

    The point you're at now though, it might be beneficial to come out to a few people more formally first, so that you will feel more confident.

    ---------- Post added 7th Jun 2012 at 08:40 PM ----------

    And you can absolutely tell your parents separately.

    And explain to your sister that you were NOT lying, thanks so much. She thought it was a joke, didn't she?
     
  6. marasma

    Regular Member

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    Thank you for the help! Honestly I just wish I coul snap my fingers and everyone would just be aware.

    Out of curiousity, does it bother anyone when people just assume everyone is straight? I mean it doesn't bother me exactly but when I teacher says something like "Girls raise you hands if you ever would marry a boy is if he did blah blah blah." and I feel like well no I wouldn't marry him because he's a boy. I don't feel it's the teachers fault but I always feel like I'm lying if I raise my hand even if I pretend they said 'signifigant other' as opposed to 'boy'. Is there a way to deal with that? Because I don't want to just blatantly come out to my entire class because of that because some people will get the wrong impression, and I don;t want some people to know. Any advice?
     
  7. TeeJay

    TeeJay Guest

    Speak to a school counselor about it. If nothing else, they can write a general memo to all the teachers and staff explaining to them that they can not do that do to the various sexual orientations in the school. And it is there job and responsibility to respect not only the students personal lifestyles, but other staffs as well.

    They will/should not mention you in this memo or they would be opening themselves up for a lawsuit I believe (I'm not an attorney). So you should feel safe in requesting this.
     
  8. pinklov3ly

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    When I was in college, I just assumed everyone knew that I was well...am gay. I wore my pride bracelet and still do to date. It's very subtle and it makes me feel proud to be who I am. While in college, I think majority of the people there knew, but they never asked me if I liked women. I made it very obvious considering the fact that most of my papers/presentations, which were unrelated to my course of study, were always about the LGBT community. Then again, I am out on Facebook and my status updates make it blatantly obvious. I came out to my brother, his friend, my niece, sisters then my lovely mother. I still haven't told my dad and I'm not sure why. Do it when the time feels right, there's no need to rush things. I was 18 at the time and now, I'm 25...it took me a while to become 100% comfortable, but now I am. I used to worry about making other people feel uncomfortable because I speak freely about being gay. I've learned not to care about what people think. Come out on Facebook, which will make it easier than telling your friends individually unless they're close friends. I used to purchase men magazines and look through them openly; my friend's cousin was like, ”Why is she looking at half naked women?” Lol! It was subtle, but obvious ;-) Good luck :slight_smile:
     
    #8 pinklov3ly, Jun 7, 2012
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2012