Hi everyone, I haven't posted here in quite a long time but I find myself drawn back again, haha. Anyway, I'm trying to finally bite the bullet and come out completely, beginning with my family. My sister knows, but I've never actually confirmed it with the rest of my family. The weird thing is, I know that my mom and stepdad 'know', but I think they're giving me space since they know I don't deal well with expressing my feelings, as I've always kept myself fairly private from them (even though our relationship is pretty decent, my mother and I both keep to ourselves more than most people). The problem with coming out is that it's completely counterproductive to the wall I've built up, because I have some pretty intense social anxiety, meaning I do not deal well with the potential awkwardness of telling my family in person. I'm considering not even really coming out, but simply informing them that I'm seeing someone, and it's a guy (been together 2 years, and hiding him from half the people in my life... yeah I feel like an asshole but anxiety makes you do some crazy things). Regardless of my past actions though, I want to be respectful while avoiding making it dramatic. So my question is.... what is the classiest way to come out, without being dramatic or doing it face to face? And how brief can I be? I don't want to get all emotional, I'm almost positive my mom already knows and accepts it. I just wanna rip this bandaid off, so I can feel comfortable telling the rest of my friends and avoid the guilt of keeping my family out of the loop. Thanks in advance :icon_bigg
President Obama recently "came out" in support for gay marriage. Mention it to your parents, and see what reaction they have. Knowing where your parents stand in the gay rights issue will certainly decrease your amount of social anxiety (if they are for them, that is haha).
Send your mom a letter, if you like. If you are really sure she knows already, you can lead with the boyfriend. Dear Mom, I've been really wanting to tell you about my boyfriend, but I haven't been sure how to go about it, because we've never really talked about me being gay. I think you already know, but yes: I'm gay. I've been seeing a man for about two years now. His name is __________ and [tell her all about him]. I really love him, and I'd like for you to meet him soon. Do you think that would be alright? love, Kramer362 If you are less completely sure that she knows, you might want to lead into it a little more softly. A long letter might be necessary if you are emotional about it, or if you are unsure of acceptance, but if neither of those is the case, a brief note is fine.
Take your parents out to lunch or dinner or something and tell them face to face. Sorry but that's really the best way of doing it. Buy your mom some roses and tell her in the note you send with the flowers. You got Fathers Day coming up, buy your dad a card and tell him in the card. "Happy Fathers Day, Dad... Oh by the way... I'm Gay!!!!! I guess you could do it a little bit better then that. I still think the first idea I had was the best, if your going to do this... do it right. This isn't just about you. It's about your parents and how they feel and questions they might have. It might be very hard on them and you should be man enough to do this face to face... I'm sorry, but that's how I feel.
Letters are common practice. And it depends on your parents, too. Some are fine with it, and some would even prefer to be told in a letter so that they have a chance to process it and decide how to respond without just being put on the spot. Given your anxiety disorder, I think it's possible that the notion that you should "be man enough to do this face to face" might be unreasonable. I know that people with social anxiety often have difficulty even having normal sorts of conversations about going to the grocery store and whatever. If you make it a requirement that you do it face to face, you might never do it at all, which would really be much worse. My friend who has social anxiety disorder (bad enough to be disabling) lives with her parents. She is bisexual. She didn't really come out to them. Instead, she put ostentatious pride stickers on her phone, and never said anything until her mom asked her about them. Her mom said "Is that... personal for you?" She said yes, and her mom said that she just wanted her to be happy. Then, they never talked about it again. This may be partly because my friend is engaged to a man, but whatever, I think it's weird. They don't communicate very well at her house. Anyway, if you can be a little more fleshed out about it than my friend was, and communicate something real about your life to your parents, I think you'll be doing very well. Social anxiety is very difficult to deal with, so I know that it will take even more courage than usual to come out to them at all. You should not feel bad about doing it in a way that you will find less terrifying. The main thing is to do it. You don't want to set requirements for yourself that will cause you to put it off longer.
Thanks for the responses. And Ianthe I may do what you said, I just wasn't sure if a letter or an email would be best. Because like I said, I'm almost positive my mom knows and I'm sure she accepts it. I basically just have to confirm it, and get over letting my discomfort control my life. And since things keep interrupting this (birthdays, anniversary, holidays, family is in town now) I have to wait til next week. I'm still nervous, but hopefully putting this behind me will enable to tell my groups of friends who don't already know. Thanks again everyone! I will hopefully be making a post about the coming out/reaction soon! :eek:
if you do not want to say it face to face, the only other way is to do it via letter or email. letter may be better. keep it sweet and simple and just tell them you're gay and that you love them and hope that nothing changes but you just wanted to tell them so they will know and you didn't want to live a double life. let them know that you really do not want to talk a lot about it because you're trying to get comfortable too but hopefully nothing has changed. you can also mention you're seeing someone too if you want to.
