Hi guys, kinda new here... Anyway, I need some advice. I'm dating this incredible girl, she's smart, beautiful, funny etc, etc; and it's wonderful, but also so very sad. Her mother is legitimately insane. We dated for about four months when we were younger, and when her mother found out (she's not out, mind you); she chucked a gigantic fit over it, and proceeded to throw her against the wall, throw plates at her, and throw her down the stairs. We recently got back together after almost half a year of fighting feelings for each other, and we agreed to keep it on the downlow, mainly for her sake (and I am completely okay with this), but I was wondering; how do I deal with her mother, if she finds out and if she behaves like that again? The first time it happened, I only saw the aftermath (my breathtaking girlfriend in hospital with a broken foot and a concussion, I was furious). She broke up with me not long after, and we never really moved past falling for each other in the first place (hence why we're together again). But this time, there's a huge possibility that I will be there when or if it happens - how do I deal with it? I would defend this girl with my life, but I don't know if she'll let me...
Hi, Welcome to Empty Closets! If that happens, you should call the police. I don't live in Australia, but I feel certain that it must be illegal to injure your child so she has to go to the hospital. That is definitely abuse. Otherwise, I'm not sure there is much you can do. One thing you and your girlfriend might want to consider is whether it would be better for her mother to find out in a controlled way--if your girlfriend actually plans to come out at a time she chooses, you can have a plan in place and set things up so that you will be able to get away and she will have a place to go. That might be better than her mother finding out unexpectedly.
welcome to EC well, this^ I think the best thing your GF and you can do is planning here a way to come out to her mother in a controlled way, you can be near the place where she is talking with her mother with one of you parents (if they are supportive in LGBT area) or ask some one older than yourself to be there with you, and if her mother reacted violently you can Intervene. it would be better if she do this in a public place like an not crowded corner of park or a coffee shop. there are other options too, but they depend on: 1) how old are you both? 2) does your parents support your relationship? 3) is her father available? if yes what's her idea about it?
Hey guys My parents are totally okay with us. I'm 19, she's 20 (barely a few months apart, too). Her father's passed away (I never met him). I live in a quite liberal area, there are plenty of gay and lesbian couples here; and it's not a big deal for us. She however, lives in a conservative area; very heteronormative etc. I don't mind waiting for her to come out, if she chooses to at all (that's her decision to make, not mine). I think contacting the police is a good idea, if it happens again. Also, the suggestion you both had, of addressing this (if it comes to light at all) in a public place with an easy escape route; is brilliant. Thanks! I'll have a chat to her later.
your welcome you can ask your parents to support her too even maybe, I Emphasize on MAYBE, your mom can talk to her's (but it depends on your GF will to come out) well, you are 19 and 20. so another option will be (it needs lots of planning but you should have it in mind) she can move to your place or if you both work you can rent an apartment with your parents support and this is really sweet she is really lucky to have you wish you the best (*hug*)
I definitely agree that your girlfriend should not be living at home and fully independent before coming out, if she's not already. It's great that you live in a liberal area, but her (and your) safety is the most important thing, so you should secure that before you take any other steps.
