Coming out...

Don't feel bad about the letter thing I told my mom over a text message haha. But for me it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm not saying it's easy but just be prepared for what could happen.

 

Many of us in EC can't even say "I'm gay" outloud, or in your case trans. And actually s lot of us here wrote letters to come out, so don't feel ashamed to do so. Heck I came out through a text message I'm not exactly proud of it but it got the job done and it felt so reliving afterwards. So if you really want to come out to your mom DO IT. you'll feel relieved afterwards, and you'll have a cool story to tell here on EC. I'm rooting for you, keep us Updated .... Oh and I just noticed you are new here! So welcome to EC you are gonna love it here, and if you ever want to talk to anyone I'm here for you

 

Only do it if you're truly confident in your decision. I find it amazing that a 13 year old is at your level of understanding when it comes to yourself, I was light years away from accepting myself or coming out (still am with coming out) at your age - I really commend you for that.

As I haven't come out myself my only advice to you is, if you're ready, tell her. Being 13 and out will provide you with a much more liberating teen-hood and you won't have to go through the years of hiding away like many of us have. To my understanding (not an expert in regards to this subject) I believe it's better to start gender reassignment at an earlier age? Not sure, but I hope everything works out for you and that you live your teens how you want to live them. I wish I could have come out at that age!

 

Hey welcome to EC

Well, I have a small but supportive group of friends who I've recently (past 3 days) told. And just so you know, I've only told one of them in person. Every other person I texted. So I think writing your mom a letter is perfectly acceptable

Also, if you don't want your mom to associate your being transgender with your anorexia, then tell her that. If not in person, in the letter. Explain to her that you're certain with who you are and how nothing but your own true feelings has intervened.

Best of luck to you and keep us updated!

 

Hi, welcome to Empty Closets!

One thing I think you should consider, is that it is likely that you anorexia was caused in part by your dysphoria that results from being transgender. Your mother would not be unreasonable to make that connection. Being transgender causes you severe stress, and I would be very surprised if it were not a contributing factor to both your anorexia and your anxiety that you are being medicated for. It is most likely the primary underlying cause of both problems. It is very easy for the unhappiness with your body that comes with being transgender to translate into something like anorexia.

I think that if you do not address your transgender issues, you are unlikely to be successful in treating the anxiety, and you are in very serious danger of relapse regarding the anorexia.

My recommendation is that you write a letter to your mother, and in it, you come out to her and explain that your transgender identity probably is the cause of your other problems, and request that she find a therapist qualified in treating transgender people right away.

Anorexia obviously is not the cause of your gender identity. But issues related to being trans have almost certainly contributed to the anorexia, and are most likely the underlying cause of your anxiety.

Transgender individuals have higher rates of eating disorders: Gender Nonconformity, Transexuality, and Eating Disorders, and are at much higher risk for anxiety disorders. Your treatment for these other things will be much more effective if they are treated in the context of you being transgender.

 

Aside from the one spelling error, I think the letter is excellent. You are very brave to come out to your mother this way.

The only thing I would suggest is to provide some information about being transgender along with the letter. Maybe you could print out some things, and also provide some links to information on the Internet.

 

Great letter, gratz on coming out to one person. I'm always open to talk whenever i'm online.

 

Well done I'm three years older than you and not even contemplating coming out yet so I truly admire your bravery. The letter is brilliant, very sincere. When I was your age I was wallowing in hospital also with anorexia, trying to suppress who I really was. A year ago, I got out of hospital and now I'm living my life, pretty certain I'm gay. So ED-wise and of course sexuality-wise, I can relate. PM me anytime. Keep us updated!

 

Good luck!!! tell us how it goes!!!

 

(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
Are you still freaking out? It was last night. Did she get it yet?

I hope everything turned out okay! Let us know how it went!

 

Tell her to take you to a professional to make a diagnosis. A professional will not give you hormone treatment if it isn't warranted.

Also make sure that she understands that most likely only puberty delaying hormones would be given any time very soon. Without hormone blockers during puberty, transitioning will be much more difficult and require more surgery.

And insist on changing your gender expression, in terms of clothing and hair, as soon as possible. Even if it is a phase, those things are temporary.

Point out that, especially given your recent mental health problems, she has a responsibility as a parent to have something as serious as gender dysphoria evaluated by an expert.

But first give her a few days. Ask her to think about it and tell her you want to talk about it again on Friday. She will need at least a little time to process things. She is still in denial, which is to be expected. She will probably get angry with you next. You should expect that, and try not to take it personally--it's part of her grieving process to come to acceptance of the situation. Then she will try to negotiate. And then she'll be really sad about it. That's how it usually goes.

Only after processing a whole lot of emotional stuff will she finally accept it.

It will be hard for her, too, because as your mother she wants to be able to share girl things with you, and it will make her sad that she doesn't get to do that.

Just don't let her scare you back into the closet. Stand your ground. You're a boy. Keep insisting. Do you have a boy name picked out?

But maybe leave her alone about it until Friday.

 

Gratz on sending the letter. You're easily 4 times more brave than I am. Honestly, i never would have sent that letter if i were in your position.