Hi everyone, I recently joined because I really don't know what to do any longer. Over the past two years I've come to the realization that I like guys, and after a period of self-hatred and depression, decided to come out of the closet to a few close friends and my parents. I eventually came out to everyone, and was relatively happy for a time. Recently however, I have begun to question my gender identity, whenever I look at myself in the mirror, it just... doesn't look right to me, I can't put the feelings into words, suffice to say I now feel like I would be happier as a woman, as the true me. I don't however, think I'd be able to deal with the physical and mental toll that comes along with accepting this, I live in a bigoted southern town and my mother's side of the family has an extensive record of depression and suicide. I honestly don't think I'll be able to make it through the coming out process again if I decide to. I just really, really don't know what to do. I don't really have anyone in person that I could talk to about this, so I'm turning to the internet instead. Thanks everyone.
hey, i am recently accepting i am Queer, I am trangender and feel male nearly always, but really when I had a dress or other get up on and saw myself in a mirror or pix...why do i see a gay looking guy in drag here? since then, for a month now, I dress only and fully as a man in mens clothes. I see myself looking just normal now in the mirror, kinda cute and handsome in pix, ad yesterday a man from another country on fb asked if i was a man. life is getting better as i accept this fate...cant change my DNA, but can just stop the acting, and be myself. As I stop trying to act female and just joke and talk freely as me, which is scary, i find guys in my class pat me on the back and high 5s and such are starting to occurr, I'm being accepted and feeling real for 1st time in my life. if you recently after being out as gay noticed this, tell me if you have any recollection of thinking you were a girl as a young boy?
Well that's good, I'm really happy for you! That gives me hope And to answer your question, I never really believed I was a girl, but I really wanted to be one. I played dress-up with my friends a lot, and always seemed to gravitate to women's clothing haha. I kind of kept everything hidden during middle school, but now its resurfacing again, and I feel like it's stronger than it was before.
yeah, my dysphoria is probably different from some transexuals, many deeply need to transition right away and have testosterone and surgeries. so far, just dressing differently and being myself has helped me greatly. but yeah, it waned after high school and came back again with a vengeance after forcing myself about 3 or so years to go as female as i could...maybe it was a reaction? idk. but see people i made friends with the past couple years, i had very few before, unfortunately may have wrong ideas about me. I decided since x+x=female logically i am biologically and must accept it, so since all the other females like theirself as feminine, i tried using lipgloss, blush, and eye shadow, and wore a push up bra not my usual hiding it sports bra. i thought i could reprogram my mind to accept i should date a man and like my stuff, but it didn't work...i just could not let a guy look at me and kiss me, because deep in my mind i thought gee this guy is gay!! haha! and i would look so fake to myself. i read most transexuals know they are male at age of only 3! but gee, even if i had some signs, i only knew it when i was 10. i started pushing my chest down flat, and tried to stand to pee, prayed God would give me a peter...how weird...and told my best friend who was 6 i wanted grow up to become a man just like Speed Racer or Buck Rodgers or any other male TV hero i liked. I also saw about age 10-12 on tv boys my age starting to date, so i wondered what it would be like to kiss...but i suddenly saw in my mind i was the boy kissing a pretty blond girl, i could not keep in my mind to kiss a boy as a girl, i kept becoming the boy. eventually i gave up, just allowed myself to be happy and imagine as i wanted. i wondered if that was a big mistake, if i caused it to go wrong there. it is so embarrassing, to have a body that men think is very hot, and be thinking in my mind i don't want them looking at me that way...but i would like to be best buddies only and hang out and do lots of typical guy stuff, and talk about girls. i feel so weird around girls, them expecting me to be like them, and then if i accidentally feel comfy enough to start being more myself around them, i mess up they think i am weird and i can lose friends. i think dysphoria may go away and resurface, i think it hid in me, and i think it comes back stronger. :/ idk, i have not been out long. i have not been to a specialist yet. but i have been reading and meeting a couple people with it. keeping a secret hidden is scary we will get caught. I'm Christian. I feel so wrong growing up, like perverted, bad...only March I found the word transgender and that I am not the only one!
