I've noticed that when I get depressed, I use porn much more heavily. What does that mean? I have a general idea that it has to do with romance or filling in some hole (emotional hole, not physical). In general, I don't enjoy porn, but I am a heavily sensual person. I am fascinated by the animal nature in porn and the violence and prejudices in it. I'm jus' a mixed up dude. :redface:
Do you use porn to masturbate? It makes you feel happy and it can be a stress relief-er. This also depends on what is causing you to feel depressed.
It depends. Sometimes I do, sometimes not. My depression is caused by a few things, but I have a form of bipolar disorder, so it's weird. But my home life is horrible. Verbal abuse constantly. My friend/crush is leaving for college, and he doesn't really care for me in that way. I have nothing to do. I eat constantly. I sleep for incredible amounts of time.
It's different at times. Sometimes I just watch it as if I'm just observing and I leave it feeling neutral. Sometimes it's arousing and I leave feeling depressed. I never really leave feeling better. There have been times like that, but they were fleeting. I mean, I'll watch any kind of porn if it's accessible. Mostly man/man, though. I feel like part of this is just from boredom.
i wonder if porn can make things worse. like how drugs can make you have a crash low so need more. i just watch masturbate, and cheer on the guy to make the girl happy, then i feel relief, but i really enjoy guy on girl #1, not just anything like you, some guy on guy is good but not anywhere close to almost joy i can feel with a few straight ones. you watch when you are bored not having urges? bipolar must really mess things up for you. my mom has a couple things like that which was pretty bad for her about age 19 ,20, college stress. too much good or bad things at once not good for you. good thing is you over not under sleep. sleep helps, no sleep makes things worse.
I mean, I've experimented with drugs, and the way I feel about porn is completely different, though I've never been addicted to either. I would say that the drugs were more of a release. I would say that porn is more frustrating almost. Maybe it's a compensation for the lack of romance in my life. I watch regardless of urges at times just to see what it's like, but there are times when I have urges, which is usually when I go for gay porn. Porn is just weird and negative. I feel like it's pointless unless it's laughable. But I still go for it.
Many people when they experience deep-shame, or depression, they "numb". Essentially they go "here's depression, anger, not belonging, and everything bad going on for me right now, I dont want to feel these, Im going to eat a banana nut muffin and have a few beers (or watch porn) and not feel them." What we also know about shame is that you cannot selectively numb something. When you numb the bad stuff you numb joy belonging, creativity, and more, leaving us feeling deeply disconnected from ourselves and the people around us (depression). Porn for many people is a way of numbing. It doesnt necessarily mean that it is because you are depressed, it just might mean that you are doing it because it is a way of disconnecting from yourself and reality. Thats shame based. Thats not to say that all porn watching is numbing, but it can mean that in your particular situation that there is something going on for you, or there is something about yourself that you think if other people knew about it you wouldnt be worthy of love and belonging. The best way to confront these issues is to share what makes you feel like you are not worthy of love and belonging, and to understand what things you do that make you "numb". Also to know that you are worthy of love and belonging, and start to find ways to see the things that you see as "imperfections" as gifts, and love yourself for them and all the unique, strange things about yourself. Sending my love,
I agree with you. I've had a hard time talking to anyone recently and an even harder time creating anything. I seriously used to sketch and make art for whole days. But I can't make myself do anything. I really don't feel all that insecure. I've already embraced all the unique and strange things about me. The only thing I feel insecure about is my body, but that's only because I stopped exercising recently because of my weird mood. But, you do bring up a good point on me keeping a secret. I have a really massive crush on my straight best friend. Kinda missed my shot on that one. But I'll hopefully get to see him at times. Hopefully I can work past this massive-ass crush. But thank you.
