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Straight crush

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Jakkur, Jun 9, 2012.

  1. Jakkur

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    Hi everyone. I have a straight crush on this guy and it's slowly but surely eating away at me. It's making me feel alone, depressed, lost. I don't have anyone to confide in as I'm only out to a few people and they wouldn't understand. The guy I like doesn't know I'm gay, and I'm pretty sure he's 100% straight.:icon_sad:

    I'm thinking about coming out in general but more specifically to people he might know, i.e. our mutual friends. I also want to tell him personally about me and the way I feel towards him. How do I go about doing this? I'm scared of a bad reaction...

    This is my first post on empty closets so nice to meet all of you!:smilewave
     
  2. stillaweirdo

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    Welcome to EC! You're going to love it! :welcome:

    I can certainly relate. I also have a massive-ass crush on my straight best friend. It's a good idea that you come out to him - I've come out to my crush- but you should only do this when you're ready. Build up a support system of the most supportive, wise friends you have before you take such a big step. If it turns out that your crush doesn't have any feelings towards you, I hate to say it, but you should try to move on. It's hypocritical coming from me, but it's necessary. I'm currently trying to do just that. It's incredibly difficult, considering I have no one else to focus on. But I'm working on it! I wish you the best of luck! (*hug*)

    ~Harlan
     
  3. Jakkur

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    Hi Harlan,
    Thanks for your reply! I do need to come out to him and everyone pretty much. I'm 21 now and I am ready, but as you say, it is a very big step I guess. It's just killing me seeing him every other day...thinking about him every night and knowing it's never going to happen. And yes it's incredibly difficult if you have no one else to focus on, for me, I seem to be falling for straight guy after straight guy! >_<
     
  4. Gravity

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    The only thing I can suggest for now is that you come out to him before - and if - you tell him how you feel about him. Keep it to one revelation at a time, he'll be much more likely to respond positively (which may or may not be the same thing as receptively) that way. :slight_smile:

    How do you think he'll respond to learning that you're gay?

    In the meantime, try to give yourself as few reminders of him as you can. If possible, avoid being around him. If you have anything that reminds you of him, get rid of it, or at least put it away for now. If thoughts of him are giving you negative feelings, then keep yourself away from things that will trigger thoughts of him. You can always come back to him/them when you're ready - a break might be good for you. Good luck!

    Also, welcome to the site! Hope you like it here. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Jakkur

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    I think he'll respond in a very neutral way... like he wouldn't care... or he wouldn't mind either way. He'd possibly move on to another topic as soon as he could. But part of me dreads a negative reaction where he tells me to back off.

    I wish I could be away from him for a while... or even permanently, but we're on the same sports team and he's online all the time, and we meet randomly as we share friends. When he starts a conversation with me online it makes me happy. It's quite a pathetic situation really. I've been in similar situations before but nothing as strong as this. He's literally perfect to me!
     
  6. Ianthe

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    Yeah, that's rough.

    But I agree with Gravity: Come out first. Let that settle for a while, and if you still want to, then tell him how you feel about him.

    Knowing that you are gay will let him get used to the general idea that you could be interested in him before he is suddenly confronted with the fact that you are.
     
  7. stillaweirdo

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    Seriously, this is a parallel situation. My crush is the captain of the soccer team that I manage (or football, I've been to the UK). My crush really is a straight version of me and we are so perfect for each other, but he's just so fixated on girls. He admitted to me that he has moments of bicuriosity, which thrilled me to no end. But... Urf, yeah I got nothin'. This just sucks.