so I'm not sure if I'm ocd, or if he really is the creep I think he is. so on with a little history: I just moved to my current state about 2 months ago, and since then I've been out of town for a week, and him for a month, so we've only seen each other for about a month overall, but he steps on every nerve I can think of. when we first met he said that he thought i was sexy, and I said thank you, but I'm not interested, literally, that's what I said. well he has a tendency to look at a hookup app on him phone while he lays on the couch with no shirt and his hand down his pants. he used to touch me inappropriately, but that's come to a stop. the last time we went anywhere together he put his hand on my thigh and refused to move it, so I stabbed his arm with a knife, granted it was in the silverware roll and I figured it was just a butter knife, but regardless, that's what happened. my other issue is that he is FILTHY, he leaves piles of dirty dishes and empty wrappers in his room to the point where it smells outside of it, and he leaves huge messes all over the apartment and doesn't clean them up, his reason why? "it doesn't bother him" so I end up having to clean up after him, and I don't mean like leaving a glass laying around, I mean he'll make supper for himself, and then leave a huge pile of dirty pots and pans in the sink, and according to him, he'll get to them when he's ready to cook again, otherwise someone else will clean them if they need them, and he flat out told me that it doesn't matter if it bothers someone else. just like him touching himself on the couch his reasoning is that its "his house", but mind you its an apartment, with 3 names on the lease. also he marks all his food, but then it goes bad and we have to throw it away, and he fills up half the fridge with it, buying two gallons of milk at a time and such, which i wouldn't mind if it wasn't marked as his, so there isn't room for us to put a full size gallon in the fridge and we can't drink whats in there... stuff like that, and he absolutely fills the freezer idk, my list of frustrations with him literally goes on and on and on. my thing is that I just started my new job, and its only part time, my rent is paid as part of me working for one of our other room mates on the side. ugh, idk what to do, I know that he's not gonna pick up after himself, and hes already made a move at pinching my nipples since he got back, so I have no doubt that its only a matter of time until he gets handsy again, I talked to our other roomies, and all they're willing to say is that they yeah hes a slob and a perv, but they don't know what to do about it. I'm thinking maybe I should get a second job, something like cleaning at night? idk, so I can afford to move, I was gonna save for a car, but I'm super stressed living with someone I consider a predator. somebody, anybody, HELP!
urg sounds like an ass. My first thought: can you dob him to his parents or relatives? I dunno, use some authoritative person over him. See if you can dob him into the owner of your place, tell them he's attracting unwanted wildlife and insects into the place and convince them they should remove him if they wanna keep their place for future rent. Since he likes touching u so much, put superglue in his leather gloves or toothbrush for the LOLS. Arg I dunno, with perverts, they need some turn off you can say like: I have herpes, i have gonorrhea,...... i dunno make stuff up. OR as a last resort, should totally get a dire wolf (game of thrones joke, if u dont get it dw). Moving away sounds like a good alternative but try everything you can first
Tell him that you are going to file a report with the police if he touches you inappropriately again. How did you come to live with these people to begin with? Did you move there for school or just to live in that city? Maybe you can talk to the landlord about letting you out of your lease. Sometimes they can be understanding about situations. Other than that I would say you have the option of subleasing your part to someone else. Always protect yourself, but go out of your way to stay away from trouble. I would hate to see you get in trouble from retaliations.
sigh, I moved here to work for my other roomie and to live in the city, so its just ugh! and my name isn't on the lease, but my rent being paid is part of me working for him, so idk about that, I just got my job in a corporate salon but it only starts at $9 an hour, 15 hrs a week until I build my clientele.
yep, agree with RC. Don't wait, you talked to him and the others, they know and now tell the landlord and police. He could be dangerous, police may even find he has a record, u never know. Your safety 1st. 2nd, if they not kick Pervy out, you should go...yeah, get a job mcd's if must or ask a coworker abt roomy. at least u are clean! he can be slob by if his house, not if roomy. in future easier to evict if you make a contract and have them all sign. I'm getting a female roomy this week, oh boy...she thinks I'm female too...and her bf tried to tell her he thinks I'm lesbian cuz i wasn't showing interest in his wanting to get with me. so i fixed that, but 2 months i will be back in closet a bit...not wearing girl stuff again though! so, i am going to have her pay some bills, and set some limits. lucky her bf is going away, as he knows he is not coming around me. i think who cleans up what is a good one for the list. ---------- Post added 10th Jun 2012 at 12:11 AM ---------- gotta say i can't 100% blame him for trying...you got pretty red hair. just saying...
aww, ty, and I get that sometimes people are attracted to someone without it being reciprocated, but its not free reign to treat me like the help, Arnold Schwarzenegger style.
If your name isn't on the lease then I suggest you stay away from him as much as possible and start looking for other options. At least where I am there are stylist jobs everywhere. If you are in an area like mine then it shouldn't be that huge of a problem for you to find something on the side. It might take a couple of months for this to work itself out. Do you have other friends in the area that you might could stay with?
unfortunately I really don't know anyone else out here, and if i work at another salon I could lose my job at the corporate one that just hired me
I see. Sorry, I didn't understand how that works. I guess you have to find something else on the side. What about waiting tables or something like that? The guys here that do that make good money. I feel your pain. I have thought about taking on a roommate, but I'm afraid I will run into people like the guy you speak about. I'm kinda a neat freak, and I wouldn't be able to put up with someone assaulting me for sure. As of right now, I think you should just be careful not to put yourself into a situation that might cause you more problems. I would spend as much time away from the apartment as I could. I'm sure that may not be the easiest thing to do on a tight budget, but there are libraries and activities around town that might help you meet people who could be better roommate options. I'm sorry you are having this problem. Just be mature and find ways to keep moving forward. Be glad you aren't on a lease. Looks like you will be able to get out from underneath this much easier. (*hug*)
I think you should buy one of those High Powered Stun Guns, and the next time he tries to touch you... put the Stun Gun to good use. Also buy some Pepper Spray, both will be fun. I think you and your room mates should all move out and leave him with the rent. But since your room mates probably wont do that and you can't afford to, I think you should get a door alarm for your room and save up for a small refrigerator for your room. If he has this much disregard for his room mates then I would imagine that he's eating your food as well. Video how much of a slob he is and him with his hands down his pants and what not and post it to Youtube, send links to everyone he knows including his family and humiliate him. Get Duck tape and you and your room mates tie his ass up, take him outside and spray him with a hose - throw some laundry soap on him - use a brush on a handle - and spray him with the hose again (make sure to use ice cold water). Maybe after you do these things enough he'll get the picture. Good luck(!)
I don't recommend any of the drastic steps others are suggesting. But my first question is this: What is his relationship with the other roommates? Do they simply have no problem with his slovenly ways, his offensive behavior, and so forth? If they are even somewhat as disturbed by his behavior as you are, what about having a conversation with them about having a "roommate intervention" with all of them (and maybe you) and him. Every one gets together, tells him exactly what the issues are, why they're inappropriate/illegal/unsanitary/etc, and basically give him two options: He either immediately changes his behavior, or he moves out. If he agrees to change his behavior, I would strongly suggest getting a clear understanding... perhaps in writing... that if he falls short again, that it will result in his getting 30 days notice to move out. If his behavior and attitude are as bad as you say, I can't imagine why anyone else would want to live with him.
they tolerate him, but they hate him too, ever since he lost his job he's perfectly happy sitting at home waiting for his unemployment to run out and making everyone else miserable in the process, and sadly, that intervention already happened, and didn't work for more than 48 hrs. >.>
I'm sorry for the misery you have to endure, but i agree with Deaf...you're pretty hot Since Chip's method had been tried and failed i think i might be time to evict this unwelcome tenant. I know that you're not signed onto the contract, but is it possible to gather the other tenant and see if you can rally them to make him leave? If not, maybe bring this issue to light with the landlord and see how he/she might deal with this problem. As for all the innapropriate touching...is it only directed at you or does he do that with everyone else? If it's done to everyone else it might only be (for him) a bit of harmless fun and i think that can be stopped with some stern telling off. But if it's only directed at you then i think it counts as sexual harassment, and if this persists it might be good to notify the police if necessary
Except that the intervention *did not* really happen, because when he failed at the 48 hour mark, no one held him to the responsibility he committed to. That honestly sounds like housemates that that are either incredibly lazy, non-confrontational, codependent, or all three Is it worth talking to the other housemates and discussing this, and trying to get agreement to take action? If not, it seems like the only other option is to move out. Perhaps you could get one or two of the housemates you like and move out together?
It's like, it seems like he KNOWS how financially vulnerable you are and is taking full advantage. I think you should do two things right away.... the first being, find a good therapist and/or social worker to talk with, and flat out tell him that if he makes any more moves to touch you you're calling the police without warning. Good luck, I've had a bad roommate before, it was a long time ago but I remember how unpleasant it was....
exactly! a normal person who is an adult knows that you respect others, and their desires too. it aint all about me, especially if i REALLY like someone...and they don't like me...I got to just wish and pray they change their minds, and let them alone. And try to wish they will be happy without me. He should not ever touch you in anyway that truly bothers you, or offends you, like sexually. But even like if i were there and poked my finger in your back and you got pissed, so i grinned and did it again for funny as i liked the reaction, when you make it clear you do NOT find it funny and are serious you want me to stop...even if i am sad, i need to stop. do unto others as you want done to you...if they do not want you to even pat them on the back or hug you and you mean no harm and they are just weird like that, don't do it again. he is not respecting you, and that is not showing he likes you, it is just showing he lusts after your body parts, cuz you are not attracted back. he is a perv, and he isn't likely to give up. matter of fact, these kinds can get mean when they finally realize except for rape they are not getting any of what they want, and like a brat they will have a big tantrum but like a big man it can hurt you...get away dude. don't allow it. i tell girls all the time this, do not let another person feel you up or get away with it, turn it in and get far away fast and leave no trail to find you. be safe, you are cute, and some people just look at that and will hurt you.
chip they're not sure what to do about it, before he lost his job he wasn't like this cause apparently he wasn't home much, but yes, they are a combination of the three. ty guys for all the support, I guess for right now I'm just gonna hide out in my room whenever he's home and clean up after him at night? I don't want to live in a filthy apartment, but I don't wanna be the help cause my rent is exactly the same as anyone elses, it just so happens that our other roomie takes it outta pay from the jewelry work i do for him, but to me i feel like its the same as paying rent cause i still have to do a weeks work for it, ugh, idk
Murder him and hide his body at a local Toy's R Us. ... no, don't really. Murder is NEVER the answer. All kidding aside, your roomate sounds like an asshole. He doean't pick up after himself, he lives on unemployment, and he is inappropriately touching you. AND he is territorial. For the territorial part, I would ignore what he marks as "his" and use it anyways. And if he is as lazy as you say he is, then chances are he probably won't notice. Claiming food for his uses only is just childish. For the laziness, I say you guys kick him off the couch and make him get something accomplished. Keep a close eye on him, and if he slacks off, kick his ass back into gear. He needs to learn to be independant for once. Make him get a job and see that he goes to work, pay him visits, and bring him home until you trust that he will actually WORK. As for the touching you part... first, I laughed at the stabbing-hand-with-knife part. He deserved it... but if he keeps touching you, and things get out of hand, then you could report him for sexual harassment... right? Either that, or when he's home, his hands are cuffed behind his back... or you could stab his hands some more. Whichever works XD But in the meantime, start looking for other appartments to rent. Because if he is unwilling to conform, then you will be able to already have a place in mind to move to if things get out of control. But his additude and behavior is childish, and you shouldn't have to put up with him. Good luck, and stay strong bro! *hug*
