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hopeless existence?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LookingGlass, Jun 10, 2012.

  1. LookingGlass

    Regular Member

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    Please forgive any future grammatical errors or misspelling of words. I'm a little drunk at the moment. more on that later

    so my best friend got married today and it was great. I wasn't feeling too good though. I'm not jealous, didn't like him like that or anything of the sort. What kept running through my head was the fact that because I'm gay, I would never have a ceremony or even be as happy as everyone around me was. I really did feel less than the people around me and I almost broke into tears at some point because of that.

    I think that deep down I really do hate being gay. I love myself, but I had that part of myself. I'm not out to anyone except my best friend and it REALLY hurts when my other friends make fun of me for possibly being gay.

    I had to leave the wedding early because I simply couldn't stand being around this for any longer. So i walked back to my car in the rain and called up a close friend of mine. We went to the movies and then drinking.

    On a side note, I had planned to tell this close friend my most shameful secret tonight, but couldn't work up the courage. We're hanging out tomorrow again so I'll try once more. Any tips?

    Also, does anyone ever or has anyone felt the way I do right now? Like you don't belong? Like you're an outcast? Hate being gay? I'd like some of your thoughts on the matter...

    I just feel like I'm going to be alone and never experience that kind of happiness up to the end of my life.

    Oh and I did try to keep the bad spelling to minimum for your sanity's sake :wink:
     
  2. Toneth

    Full Member

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    being gay doesn't mean you'll never marry, many states allow it now, and more are on the way, and you're young, we're the same age, you have a LONG time to go through frogs before you find the one who is going to be your prince.
    as for your friend, do what you feel most comfortable, even if its just a text, or over the phone if you can't do it in person, just be true to yourself.
     
  3. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    Yes I do. I feel that way frequently. Even though I am out to all my friends and immediate family, I still am paranoid about being treated any differently because I'm gay.

    I haven't been to a wedding since I was 8, but just seeing happy couples makes me feel like an outcast frequently and that I don't belong. It seems hard to imagine that I will find a good match ever with so many less gays then straights.

    You aren't alone :slight_smile: Like it was said, you could definitely get married still. I think something like you experienced is a common feeling after seeing a friend so happy, regardless of sexual orientation.
     
  4. awesomeyodais

    Regular Member

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    Ugghh - weddings... did I mention I hate weddings? Maybe not the ceremony itself but many of the other traditions surrounding the reception etc - from bridesmaid dresses that are hideously designed to make the bride ever more so radiant on her special day, to all the not-so-subtle ways to make the people who haven't entered the "inner circle" of married people feel just that much crappier about it. Not to mention the extra level of annoyance often provided if you happen to be one of the lucky few members of the "wedding party", and feel like a puppy who has to jump through hoops to please the master, beit a bride-or-groomzilla. Remember just because they look like they're happy doesn't mean they all are - and after the cake dries up and the confetti is no longer stuck to people's shoes, look up the most recent divorce stats. I know it's a question of fairness and principle that same-sex marriage (at the civil level anyway, religions have the right to be selective) should be legalized everywhere but at the same time I sometimes wonder what the big attraction is. So yes I can relate to how you're describing your feelings about the whole thing. Throw in a bit of booze and I can usually feel myself spiraling right into it. Same for any other "traditional" event where the expectation of an opposite-sex mate is present (doesn't matter if it's some girl you've met 2 weeks ago and you're not gonna see after this, for the purpose of the event you qualify as "normal"... ughh again).

    Back to your question about telling your other friend, one thing that stands out to me is how you refer to it as your "shameful secret" :frowning2:. If there's anything that will probably help you at this time, it's to figure out a way to get over the shame part and into self-acceptance. In my limited experience (only told 2 people so far) that is the first and most important step, and everything rolls off a lot easier after that. Oh and it's also apparently a good thing to not apologize when you say it or explain how you feel etc because it's reinforcing the guilt aspect if you need to apologize (according to my friend who is a few steps ahead in the process).

    You are not alone. I suspect even one or two str8 people shared your "experience" at the event. Best of luck with your friend tomorrow. And from what I can tell your spelling was fine :wink:.