First off, sorry if I rant a little. I am not sure what to do about my friends. All of my friends appear to be more homophobic than I thought, and it has really been bothering me. So let's start with friend... Let's call him 'X'. He is from a very right wing and Christian family. He always calls people fags or gay ( not in a joking way either ) and brags about how his father " uses the word faggot like it is a period." - end quote. I have asked him what he thinks about gay people, and he said they are disgusting... Or did he say wrong? I think it was wrong ( I have no idea what that even means ) and started going off on how the bible says being gay is a sin. I got in an argument and eventually he admitted that he has never even read the bible. Then there is friend 'Y'. I talked about him a little in a previous thread. Anyways, we have been friends for fourteen years. He isn't religious in the slightest way, but thinks gay guys are gross. He assumes that gay guys are sex craving freaks who just want to get him, That is the only way I can describe it. He has gone as far as saying he wouldn't be friends with a gay guy. Just tonight, we were at wendy's with another friend and they started to talk about this gay kid at school. I forget what happened but I do remember, very, very clearly one sentince in particular, " why don't they just kill all of the gay people.". I was caught completely off guard and didn't even know what to say. I mean. How can you say that. I just... I don't know what to do. We have been friends for so long and I don't want to ruin a friendship, but it's not like I can change who I am. I.. I'm just... I feel stuck and alone in this situation and I just want it to go away. The last two years of my life have been a down hill spiral, ever since my parents went through a long nasty divorce. My mom, brother, and I moved back to Arizona while my dad stayed in New Mexico (this is while they were still married). I see my dad as much as once a month and all he can talk about is when I will have a wife and kids. Sorry for getting off topic there. But anyways, what do you guys think I should do?
hmm, if you were some older I'd say just shock your friends by coming out and then, if needed, find new ones. Maybe not the best thing in your situation. How about talking to your brother about this? Is he older than you? How about your mum?
To steal words from Dr. Seuss, 'those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind' Obviously that doesn't make the situation 100% simple, but bear it in mind. People come around. I know lots of people who were very anti-gay but when someone close to them came out, they found it difficult for a while, but if they really loved them (as any family or friend of fourteen years should), they would either eventually change their attitudes towards all gays or at least make an exception for the one they love, reasoning with themselves that ok 'A' is my best friend so he's not a 'sex-craving' gay just a normal one, the rest I can still hate. It's easy for people to put labels like 'sex-craving' on a swathe of society like 'gays'. But when someone close defies that line of thinking, when a significant person in your life steps out from the swathe of society you have labelled, there's a lot of thinking to do. Attitudes can change. I'm not making much sense, am I? You're 15. Hang in there. Come out at your pace. I'm 16 and nowhere near coming out. Try find a local PFLAG or other gay community/society (I know it must be hard in Mid America, google it I guess?). Get support from people here - you can PM me anytime for instance. College tends to be much more diverse and accepting. Obviously that's a way off from now but if you can't find enough people you know will support and accept you in your current community, waiting it out might be a good option. Keep us updated
