I have a friend who I really like, who knows I'm gay... and actually he admitted to me a few days ago that he "experimented" with guys before. Although, he couldn't seem to bring himself to say it outright, I asked "experimented?" and he responded "yeah". And he said this all the while grinning (but he does grin/smile a lot anyway in general). He seemed a bit embarrassed by it.. but did admit to it even if he couldn't quite say it fully himself. When asked directly if he's straight, he said yes. When asked directly if he's bi, he said no. But I really have to wonder now. Could he just be scared to admit it, more than likely due to religious issues and members of his family? I could see why he wouldn't want to admit it living around here and due to some members of his family. I sure didn't back the first time I lived in this area. And I still keep it under wraps except to people I know and trust. Obviously if he is gay or bi, I can't force him to admit he is. But I'd be on cloud 9 if he did and wanted to date me. We are already pretty good friends and have a LOT in common. Maybe the conversation will sink in and he'll come around if he really is gay or bi.. and will realize I am interested in him. One can only hope anyway! I'm not getting hopes up that he will... he could be telling the truth, maybe he's straight and just experimented and didn't like it (but I'm not sure he even said he didn't like it). But now I really do wonder .....
What you have to realize is that sexuality is a very personal thing. He may very well be gay or bi, but what you are forgetting is that he might not be in a place where he is able to admit that. There is a huge stigma behind having feelings for the same sex, and there is no way you can remove that stigma for him. You can support him, and love him for who he is, but you cannot make meaningful change for someone if you try to solve their problems. You can only give them the tools they need to do it themselves (which in this case is support). I wouldnt hold your breath on waiting for him to come out, and even if he did, he will probably not be even close to be ready to date someone. Smiling in response to a question that is uncomfortable is a way of protecting yourself. It is safe. Often when you get past the giggling and the smiles there is a very dark, intense fear associated. What he is really saying is "dont talk about that". When he is ready he will move at his own pace. Maybe you can find other ways to connect with him, as a friend, and find out if there are better candidates out there for you to be with. Sending love,
He didn't want to dodge the conversation though. He went on to talk about how some of his friends thinks he's straight, some thinks he's bi and some thinks he might be gay. Also that he has (had?) a couple of gay friends from high school. We also talked about a mutual friend who is bi and another mutual friend who is probably a closet case. He certainly wasn't ashamed to talk about sexuality with me, he just was shy about it. He's obviously not ashamed or shy enough to hold back the fact he has experimented with guys before. He TOLD me that (well, hinted at). I didn't ask him directly if he had until he hinted at it and I asked to double check that's what he meant. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to back him into a corner on it. I'm not holding my breath about him or anything either.. it would be nice but it's probably unlikely. As it is I am planning on going traveling around the country. I might try to talk him into it once his lease is up at his current apt.. since he already wants to move out of it. He wants to travel too but he can't get a driver's license due to a history of seizures so he's kind of stuck. He and I are both disabled but I am able to drive. So we both have income to live on while traveling. The subject has come up already about him traveling with me.. so we'll see how that goes come March when his lease will be up if I haven't already left town by then.
